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AIBU?

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Original poster

MIL Surprise, surprise

786 replies

AmberStClare · 15/06/2017 17:51

DP is away from home on a course and have been enjoying this week on my own, slobbing out in the evening after work, eating supper in front of the TV and generally having a nice time.

Just got home from work and opened the front door, walked into the sitting room to find my MIL sitting on the sofa. Cries 'surprise surprise, got the key from your NDN, let myself in and have come to stay for a few days to keep you company whilst DP is away.'

Just rung DP and he is equally annoyed as is expected back Saturday and we were looking forward to the weekend catching up on each other's news and bit of frottage. All out of the window as MIL expects to be waited on hand and foot, in fact just said if I was putting the kettle on she would love a cup of tea, 'And a biscuit dear if there are any going.'

Who do I kill first, NDN for giving out the key without checking with me first (She has never met MIL before as we moved here recently) or MIL for presuming she can do this.

OP posts:
dustarr73 · 15/06/2017 19:07

Is it only me singing "Surprise Surprise" by Cilla Black😂😂🎤🎤🎤

AttilaTheMeerkat · 15/06/2017 19:09

Shocking behaviour from both your next door neighbour (am also aghast she could have handed the key to his mother so easily; she could have been anybody) and your partner's mother. She does sound completely toxic and unhinged; your man has been and remains profoundly affected by his mother's treatment of him. She has doted on him in an unhealthy way.

This is your life as well going forward OP; I would think very carefully about your future with this man particularly if you do not get his full backing re his mother. Both of you have to present a united front at the very least re his mother.

You would not have tolerated any of this from a friend; family are no different. Not all people are nice and kind, some are truly awful.

AvoidingCallenetics · 15/06/2017 19:10

Thing is Swiss, is that the OP has plans already. It is very rude to just turn up in the assumption that somepne else's plans don't matter. I doubt OP's friend wants to spend the evening with OP's mil - it totally changes the dynamic of the evening.

Giving in 'just this once' is the reason mn is littered with women who have become total doormats to overbearing ils.

It would have been a nice gesture if mil had phoned and asked if OP wanted company. She didn't because she knew OP might say no. Turning up unannounced is manipulative.

ThanksMsMay · 15/06/2017 19:10

Life changes for all of us and one day some of the posters of here will find that their children aren't constantly in their lives any more. They may be lonely and want to do something similar. Hopefully they won't rock up unannounced but will then judge this mil more kindly

I can just about fathom showing up to surprise your children... but she showed up to surprise her daughter In law.

Just because you marry someone does not mean their mother is your mother.

Flisspaps · 15/06/2017 19:11

Swiss are you the MIL?

SwissChristmasMuseum · 15/06/2017 19:13

Ha ha, Flisspaps (nifty name), no but I do regret some of my crappier attitudes when I was younger. Life's too short, etc. etc. And there are better ways!!

diddl · 15/06/2017 19:14

If the friend hadn't been coming I'd have let her stay over & breakfast the next morning.

Husband sounds a right blabbermouth though!

And FYI-just because people expect to be waited on-doesn't mean that it has to happen!

SwissChristmasMuseum · 15/06/2017 19:14

And people go overboard when they ascribe base motives to others.

honeysucklejasmine · 15/06/2017 19:15

Eugh, my worst nightmare and I like my mother in law!

Good luck with getting rid.

Rainbowcolours1 · 15/06/2017 19:15

I'd give a lot to come home and find my MIL here. She died last year and although times could be difficult I know she cared. Sadly it's often too late when we realise.

NavyandWhite · 15/06/2017 19:16

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SwissChristmasMuseum · 15/06/2017 19:17

And I think Amber sounds like a nice person and I want her to be kind, rather than mean and regret it later Smile, that's all, promise! I do understand the feeling you'd get when you walk into your house looking forward to an evening of unfettered pleasures, only to find an unexpected guest there!

ThanksMsMay · 15/06/2017 19:18

I think everyone would have been nicer if she'd just shown up. It's the breaking and entering that's got everyone's backs up.

Scribblegirl · 15/06/2017 19:18

rainbow, I'm sorry for your loss Flowers I adore my MIL like a second mother. But boundaries are important and it doesn't sound like the OP's gets that.

annandale · 15/06/2017 19:18

I'd be unable to do anything but plaster on a rictus smile and passively aggressively break things, but if this happened to me I would be the one crying. I haven't had more than 60 minutes alone in the house in ten years and it is my dream for dh and ds to be away for a week at the same time (will never happen). I would never be able to ask mil to leave though. I would probably get a bottle or two of wine and get extremely drunk followed by a ridiculously early night (8pm or so).

GeillisTheWitch · 15/06/2017 19:19

Is it only me singing "Surprise Surprise" by Cilla Black

No, I was totally picturing the MIL as Cilla, "Surprise surprise chuck" Grin

Flisspaps · 15/06/2017 19:19

Swiss Life's too short to spend a much anticipated week alone in your own house without having to pander to an unannounced, uninvited, unwanted visitor Smile

ThanksMsMay · 15/06/2017 19:19

Rainbow you might not have remembered your mil so charitably if she actually were the sort of person who did that sort of thing. So at best your post is emotional blackmail and at worse completely off the mark

AlternativeTentacle · 15/06/2017 19:21

Posters love a good MIL bashing thread

What sort of person goes on a 2 hour train journey, and gatecrashes someone's house and time like that? MIL or not - that really is rude and narcissistic to expect everyone to dance to your tune.

SwissChristmasMuseum · 15/06/2017 19:21

Indeed, Navy. No substitute for kindness and hospitality. Yes, Avoiding , that's the self-centred, inflexible - and rather cold - viewpoint.

NavyandWhite · 15/06/2017 19:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

earlgrey2 · 15/06/2017 19:22

You should definitely tell her you have other plans and can't accommodate her and she needs to eff off homeGrin

Flisspaps · 15/06/2017 19:22

Also - I fucking love my MIL, she's brilliant. But I wouldn't want her letting herself in for a surprise visit when I've got the house to myself (she'd likely bring gin and/or prosecco too!)

timeismovingon · 15/06/2017 19:22

I also think good on you OP. Your MIL is completely out of order and in fact should have been very apologetic when she discovered you had a friend coming over.

The thing is I can't imagine anyone doing this to a man? Could you imagine OPs mum turning up when she was away! If it doesn't work for you why should just put up with it. Your MIL needs to know that she has massively overstepped the boundaries.

It must be generational thing. I think many older women lived for there husband and children and didn't establish their own lives and interests. My generation (50's) are different, we've got the same if not more hobbies than our children! My children are young still but I would never do this in a million years.

SwissChristmasMuseum · 15/06/2017 19:23

Question of point of view, Flisspaps, like everything else. I really do sympathise to the nth degree but I still can't agree...