MIL Surprise, surprise

[AmberStClare]

DP is away from home on a course and have been enjoying this week on my own, slobbing out in the evening after work, eating supper in front of the TV and generally having a nice time.

Just got home from work and opened the front door, walked into the sitting room to find my MIL sitting on the sofa. Cries 'surprise surprise, got the key from your NDN, let myself in and have come to stay for a few days to keep you company whilst DP is away.'

Just rung DP and he is equally annoyed as is expected back Saturday and we were looking forward to the weekend catching up on each other's news and bit of frottage. All out of the window as MIL expects to be waited on hand and foot, in fact just said if I was putting the kettle on she would love a cup of tea, 'And a biscuit dear if there are any going.'

Who do I kill first, NDN for giving out the key without checking with me first (She has never met MIL before as we moved here recently) or MIL for presuming she can do this.

I've got a MIL like this, effing nightmare of a woman. In my experience standing your ground politely is the only way to go on this one!

So OP, what's your DP cooking for the MIL tomorrow? What would you say his strengths are in cooking styles?

We have a farm shop close by that sells other food as well as fruit and veg so DP has been told to get salmon which we will have cold with lots of salad stuff and shitloads of strawberries and cream.

MIL will hate it as she thinks it should be roasts every Sunday and schoolboy puddings like spotted dick and custard.

Everything she said this evening I responded to in true MumsNet style with a tinkly laugh and head tilt, alternated with 'oh you are silly/funny MIL'.

A non-roast Sunday lunch would be a stroke of genius.

If you end up facing a barrage of PA criticism/whining go for the "oh, it's so warm, there's no way we'd fancy a heavy roast MIL, isn't it great we can choose what suits these days and not be stuck with habit?"

I did something similar years ago & I think its the only reason we still have a relationship.

In our mid twenties we moved to a city where one of MIL's friends lived. She was welcome to stay with us but by arrangement. We had fairly busy social lives at the time so sometimes we would say no.

She rang us to say she'd be coming to stay with her friend but could she stay with us for the first night. Then for the whole two weeks she found reasons why it was more convenient to stay with us. She came with us to do everything, including a very awkward night out in the pub with friends. The tears when we tried to refuse!

A couple of months later she announced she was coming again. We were having a house party so not convenient. My husband went up to get her but it was on the strict understanding that she couldnt stay with us. No, of course not, she was staying with friend.

Once he was up there, about an hour before they were due down, she told him she couldnt stop with her friend for the first night. He rang me to warn me. I booked a b&b nearby and rang back with the details. I was not sorry. She couldnt stay

Our relationship would not have survived her just turning up whenever she wanted.

Its all a bit sad to read this,,,and I hate intrusion of any kind,,,,but because I am feeling a trite melancholy these days as an oldie here, I would love my Mum or MIL to visit me.. but they are no longer alive,. But that's another story really.. I would probably have felt the same as you years ago,, as in just someone turning up without warning.

oh wow. I feel very lucky that I have a wonderful MIL who is very thoughtful and helps me out a lot with my kids (1 DC has been in and out of hospital for the past year so she made herself available to babysit my other DC and cook meals etc).

My FIL on the other hand (they are divorced) would act like this. He decided to have a go at me on facebook the other week over something I had written that was not about him (he likes to think the world revolves around him) and he was very very upset when my OH stepped in and told him he was wrong and they haven't really spoken since.

I really hope your DP steps up and tells your MIL that her actions were completely inappropriate and sets some boundaries. We had to with my FIL and he has been sulking the last few weeks.

dang I haven't made puddings like spotted dick and custard. in ages. it's winter here. Off to check the pantry

'1forAll74 Sun 18-Jun-17 02:33:35
Its all a bit sad to read this,,,and I hate intrusion of any kind,,,,but because I am feeling a trite melancholy these days as an oldie here, I would love my Mum or MIL to visit me.. but they are no longer alive,. But that's another story really.. I would probably have felt the same as you years ago,, as in just someone turning up without warning.'

Same here. but I really feel for OP. I hate it when people drop in unannounced * let alone with a weeks worth in a suitcase

Hey give me time to at least make some cake yeahh

Since then the phone has rung every 15 minutes, you know who each time asking whether he is home, what time is he going to see her, can she come to supper - will I be there if she does come

Is this new behaviour?. Does she always pester your DP like this when you and/or he have been away? It sounds really stalkerist.

I know it's because she's ' local' atm, but even so. It just sounds so weird and creepy

That would really annoy me, whether it was my MIL or my DM!
Thankfully my MIL comes on the coach when she comes to stay so her visits are planned well in advance.
We have 2 little girls so this ever happened with MIL or DM (who could pop round unannounced if she was so minded) I'd be tempted to say, 'Thank you for coming, MIL, maybe you'd like to spend some time with your granddaughters? I'm going to go out for the evening!'

I'd forgotten MIL called our spare room 'her room' ironic considering how little she came.

FIL tried several times to outstay his welcome (with MIL) he enjoyed coming to ours to be waited on hand and foot and being cooked for (not MILs cooking)
I basically chucked them out once as I had friends coming to stay and frankly I'd had enough.

DH still feels bad about it - i don't....

How was the salmon received?

After getting locked out about 10 years ago and my keyholder was away, I got one of these www.ebay.co.uk/p/master-lock-5401d-mini-key-safe-wall-mounted-combination-access-5401/1505429030
It wasn't difficult to install and the key is safe inside. It's a perfect solution.

My immediate family (who live 200+ miles away and don't drive) have the code, as does my cleaner and a friend who looks after my plants when I'm away.

Navy - you think there's 'more to the story' and 'some exaggerating going on'?

Great, think it, but do shut up and stop projecting your issues on to every bloody thread that you don't think is exactly to your liking.

wow, so everyone else has discovered how tiresome Navy is. Thank god, I thought it was just me.

Nope. She's weighed in on me enough times that I feel like I'll do a her and pull her up on herself.

No, not just you, rolopolovolo.

OP's MIL calling her DP every 15 minutes rings a bell for me, actually. My MIL has been known to keep ringing in that way. She does this when DP doesn't call her back; she leaves a message, then another one saying, 'Please let me know you're all right.' To be fair to her, she didn't use to do that, she used to leave a 10 minute message and that was it. But it may be because DP used to call her back more quickly.

BumBum be careful - we've had a load of thefts round here to do with key safes. Not sure if they are removing from the walls or just breaking into them in situ.

I feel sorry for these type of MILs. It shows their lack of confidence and lack of trust in their children. It shows that they have no life outside of their kids. It shows that they may be neglected by their spouses (but maybe because when the kids were younger they didn't pay attention to their husbands).. The world would be a better place without these types. Children could truly grow.

Navy
There really doesnt need to be 2 side to the story.

Its blatently obvious what the MIL did, there is no misconstruing it, she turned up unexpectedly, invited herself to stay and persuaded the ndn to give her the house key and let herself in. She thought that OP had nothing better to do than wait on her hand and foot until she was ready to leave.

She threw a strop because she wouldnt.

You dont need to be Miss Marple to work it out. MIL is manipulative and selfish, read all the updates. I cant believe you thnk OP hasnt given enough info on her batty MIL. Do you really think its ok to want to sleep in the same room as your son when his wife is there?

She is being very rude. Your DH should back you before his Mom. I would ring DH and say you are feeling upset that he should think this behaviour is acceptable.