MIL Surprise, surprise

[AmberStClare]

DP is away from home on a course and have been enjoying this week on my own, slobbing out in the evening after work, eating supper in front of the TV and generally having a nice time.

Just got home from work and opened the front door, walked into the sitting room to find my MIL sitting on the sofa. Cries 'surprise surprise, got the key from your NDN, let myself in and have come to stay for a few days to keep you company whilst DP is away.'

Just rung DP and he is equally annoyed as is expected back Saturday and we were looking forward to the weekend catching up on each other's news and bit of frottage. All out of the window as MIL expects to be waited on hand and foot, in fact just said if I was putting the kettle on she would love a cup of tea, 'And a biscuit dear if there are any going.'

Who do I kill first, NDN for giving out the key without checking with me first (She has never met MIL before as we moved here recently) or MIL for presuming she can do this.

Namey; the worst thing she could have done is change her plans and let mil stay. Why should she? Mils behaviour was completely unacceptable, intolerable and intrusive. She had to be shown that or she would continue to escalate her outrageous behaviour for future occasions. Now she has had boundaries imposed, she'll think twice.

Hopefully there was enough of a 'trauma' for her to never impose herself unannounced again. The real trauma is for people on the receiving end of narcissists like mil.

Why are the calls from B+B and not her mobile?
She's probably been whingeing to them or told them you are paying!

She'll be hanging around so that as soon as her precious boy is home she can tell him all about her few days of misery and how cruel the OP is, then stay another few days out of spite.

Or she has skipped off without paying!

How did NDN know that MIL wasn't a psychopath stalking you or worse!
By the sound of it, she was.

Why are people on MN always so against MILs
I think it's not so much that they have something against MILs - in this thread at least.
They have something against manipulative, rude, people who turn up invited and without warning, help themselves to entry, and proceed to treat people as staff, and then have an infantile (and again manipulative) tantrum when they don't get away with it.
I might expect that sort of reaction from DS1 (though I don't think he'd do the turning up thing), but he's 13 and has AS.
There seems to be something very Freudian about this; he may be rather discredited these days, but sometimes still has a point.

That's a good point about the calls being from the B+B rather than her mobile. Maybe she just left on the assumption that you'd go back and pay?

I don't think it's mil bashing at all
If this was reversed
So I had gone away on business and left dh at home and my mum had travelled over and surprised him by being there going " surprise" I've come to stay whilst daughter is away..I'd think ..when he phoned me to say wtf!!!!! That she had lost some mental faculties. It steps across so many much more obvious social boundaries. But these really donoperate the other way round too.
I think there is an assumption about mother daughter relationships that some women think they can step into with dil's (and some can by mutual agreement)..but it is not the norm.

There is always two sides to a story (did you mean 'are two sides' here?)
A truism, Navy, only if you are talking about two people's versions, but not necessarily about who is behaving unreasonably or who was in the wrong. Take insurance claims, court cases, neighbour disputes, consumer claims, and the list goes on.

Discussion of poor in-law relationships will inevitably talk about dysfunctional ones. I fear you are pissing in the wind in putting what appears to be your side in these posts because regrettably you are not the audience, as I hope you have realised.

To illustrate, rude, people who turn up invited and without warning, help themselves to entry, and proceed to treat people as staff, and then have an infantile (and again manipulative) tantrum when they don't get away with it. In the vast majority such people tend to be PILs and there is nothing you can do about the ill-feeling that causes even in a comfy ideal world of utterly harmonious and lovely in-law relationships, where a DIL/SIL on the receiving end of such crap must just suck it up.

I think there is a lot to learn from these discussions, I hope you will find them informative too.

We only really hear the extreme MIL stories on here. For every extreme story there are probably 50 stories of times when MIL did something quite lovely, another 50 where MIL did something that made DIL feel a little bit miffed but nothing worth talking about, 50 stories where MIL did absolutely nothing. Nobody would respond to those though.

What's the possible side to this story where mil was justified Navy? There are lots of horror stories about mils and other inlaws and they'd be considered just as, if not more outrageous if it were a neighbour or friend doing it.

The mil here was obnoxious, entitled, invasive and intolerable. There's no excuse for letting yourself into someones home unannounced and telling them you're going to stay with them for a few days. Mil or not.

It's not the job of anyone to pander to people who refuse to adhere to basic standards of respect for others no matter how they're related.

And some people are just rude. If it had been a different relative - I think everyone would have agreed that the person was rude.

It's several things

I'm the mom and I'm important
Therefor I don't need to 'book' ask if it's ok
I'm doing OP a favour by keeping her company
My needs trump OPs plans

Job st because she's a MIL does not give her the right to rock up and expect to be looked after and fed for 'a few days'

This "two sides to every story" is often code for implying the OP is lying.

Frequently a cowardly ploy used by posters who prefer to hint rather than make explicit.

There aren't two sides to every story.

There's two sides and the truth

There can to two sides, there can be a hundred. Why not listen to some of them?

Hi All, update on things.

First, MIL has used up all her credit on her mobile so couldn't use it to make outgoing calls.

I have been over to the B&B this morning to see her, she loves it there, kept telling me what kind people they are and how wonderfully they are looking after her. This is a win win situation as far as I am concerned as she can stay there everytime she comes in future if she wants to. She has decided she will stay the weekend there and go home on Monday as they have made her so welcome.

DP is due home in the next couple of hours and has said he is coming straight here with no diversions to the B&B. We will have MIL to lunch tomorrow. I think in her eyes Father's Day is also Baby Son's day and she wants to be part of things. (Not that we have children as yet only the imminent arrival of Famalam the kitten). I will go for a long walk afterwards and leave them to talk.

Having read some of the comments on here I am being charitable and wondering if she has some problem that needs sorting out. I will give MIL space to talk in private to DP.

Indeed there are two sides to every story. In MIL's eyes no doubt I am a bitch and a ho who should return to the gutter where I belong. If she could use a computer I would put her on here to give her side tomorrow.

The only reason she's telling you how wonderful and welcoming the B&B are is to highlight what an unwelcoming bitch she thinks you are!