MIL Surprise, surprise

[AmberStClare]

DP is away from home on a course and have been enjoying this week on my own, slobbing out in the evening after work, eating supper in front of the TV and generally having a nice time.

Just got home from work and opened the front door, walked into the sitting room to find my MIL sitting on the sofa. Cries 'surprise surprise, got the key from your NDN, let myself in and have come to stay for a few days to keep you company whilst DP is away.'

Just rung DP and he is equally annoyed as is expected back Saturday and we were looking forward to the weekend catching up on each other's news and bit of frottage. All out of the window as MIL expects to be waited on hand and foot, in fact just said if I was putting the kettle on she would love a cup of tea, 'And a biscuit dear if there are any going.'

Who do I kill first, NDN for giving out the key without checking with me first (She has never met MIL before as we moved here recently) or MIL for presuming she can do this.

Stick to your guns LK2boyzma! Feel free to behave like the MIL on this thread. You'll be a MIL and so entitled to invade privacy, be manipulative, emotionally blackmail, and avoid any possibility of self-awareness.

Once you've done this there will be no end to the grievance farming you'll be able to revel in. Go for it!

My MIL turned up to 'keep me company' for the last few days of my maternity leave before DS was born. I had worked up until the week before I was due, DH was at work, it was quite literally my last time alone before my baby arrived and I'd been really looking forward to it. I gritted my teeth, but it was that visit, combined with her bright idea to sit in the hospital corridor whilst I was giving birth ("Dont worry, I'll bring a long book!") that spoiled a previously functioning relationship. And yes, I refused to let her come to the hospital and wait!

She came on holiday with us a couple of years ago and was most affronted to find the sleeping arrangements were DH and me in one room and her in another. She had some idea they would have a twin bed room and me a single.

Oh God this has awoken a long forgotten memory! When DH and I were first together, his DM was in the UK visiting various family and friends. , DH and I were already planning to visit the nearby area for a weekend away so instead of his DM taking the train, I offered to drive her as well. We drove the 4 hours to family friends' house, dropped her off and then said we would pick her up the following night for the drive back. At this point it became clear that she had arranged for DH to stay with the friends too. Apparently it was entirely reasonable for me to spend the weekend by myself 20 miles away in the B&B, then return to pick her and DH up and drive them back again.

(DH to his credit told her it was a ridiculous idea. However she had me down as difficult from that point onwards.)

LK2 - treat your DS's partners with respect and there will be no problem.
Dimsie - I feel your pain.

Oh my god!

I cannot believe anyone would do this! Please don't feel bad, she sounds insane!

Good film everyone, well worth seeing if you are into Daphne DuMaurier.

Not sure what has been going on while I was out, noticed NDN's curtains twitch as I parked the car but that is nothing new. There are 3 missed calls from the B&B number but no messages. Far too late to ring them back now so will do so tomorrow morning/later today.

Off to bed for some sleep, I suspect Saturday is going to be a long day!

AmberStClare Glad you enjoyed the film. Mil will be DP's problem tomorrow. With any luck this will be her last 'Surprise' visit.

Oh god, a boring trollhunter. Then go and report it if you're so sure - don't troll hunt on the thread. It's against talk guidelines.

it was that visit, combined with her bright idea to sit in the hospital corridor whilst I was giving birth ("Dont worry, I'll bring a long book!") that spoiled a previously functioning relationship.

Miles, I'm loving her idea that, in the midst of labour, your primary concern would be whether she was getting bored waiting for you to produce her grandchild.

I can't understand why the Mil didn't go home today and who is paying for the B&B? The second night should definitely be her as it's her choice to stay. Good luck tomorrow, Amber.

You are being strong and brilliant op. Good for you

placemarking as I want to know how this unfolds when DP gets home

I have boys and don't worry at all, just like I don't worry when I read nightmare colleague/neighbour threads.

Jesus @DimsieMaitland. How did she react to your DP telling her to wind it in? I can't believe there are so many weird mums around who think a son is meant to be like a boyfriend to their mum. Why would anyone even want that?!

Hope your DS brings his spine home with him OP.

Children are never possessions to be owned, however old they are

You have handled this very well, your husband will be back soon and it will be his problem

.

Good luck today! I'm actually excited to know what MIL was doing whilst you were out.

Reminds me of a recent thread were MIL was standing on planters to peer through the windows as poster had gone out and was refusing to let her in 😂 I love it all x

OMG she sounds like a nightmare! At least your DP is home today......your frottaging may have to wait though!

My mil used to do this except she used to call when she was outside. So we had no chance to escape. It was usually a nice gesture wrapped up in a let's leave dil out "oh dh maybe you could help me with xyz and then we'll go for a nice lunch" after the first time dh helped her with whatever then called me to join them for lunch. She wasn't happy.

Her aim was always to leave me out for the idea was for me to bite at it and create a scene. So she could tell dh that I was selfish manipulative etc.

I've never caused a scene. Dh does that.

I would have gone crazy and I love my mil, you did the right thing. Hope today isn't too bad for you!

How did she react to your DP telling her to wind it in? I can't believe there are so many weird mums around who think a son is meant to be like a boyfriend to their mum. Why would anyone even want that?!

She responds as if she's genuinely confused. It makes it far harder to deal with. (For years afterwards DH still gave her the benefit of the doubt until she suggested I had been ill to get attention because she'd noticed a pattern: I'd missed a family party to stay with toddler DD who had chickenpox and was very miserable, and then been ill one Christmas. Apparently this is evidence of my need to make it all about me. The word projecting springs to mind.)

I feel your pain OP and am in awe of your approach.

I know the consensus of the thread is to congratulate the OP on being strong but bloody hell, I couldn't do it to my MIL or anyone else and I too would hate unexpected visitors.

It was daft of MIL to turn up unannounced but so heartless to turf her out. It wouldn't have been a major trauma to say MIL could stay the night and go out with friend instead. It would have put OP out very little to do so and saved MIL's feelings.

Obviously OP knows her relationship with her MIL and the later post about holidays is pretty enlightening about why she put her foot down but I'm so surprised by the consensus being she should chuck her out