MIL Surprise, surprise

[AmberStClare]

DP is away from home on a course and have been enjoying this week on my own, slobbing out in the evening after work, eating supper in front of the TV and generally having a nice time.

Just got home from work and opened the front door, walked into the sitting room to find my MIL sitting on the sofa. Cries 'surprise surprise, got the key from your NDN, let myself in and have come to stay for a few days to keep you company whilst DP is away.'

Just rung DP and he is equally annoyed as is expected back Saturday and we were looking forward to the weekend catching up on each other's news and bit of frottage. All out of the window as MIL expects to be waited on hand and foot, in fact just said if I was putting the kettle on she would love a cup of tea, 'And a biscuit dear if there are any going.'

Who do I kill first, NDN for giving out the key without checking with me first (She has never met MIL before as we moved here recently) or MIL for presuming she can do this.

You got in at ten to six, and by quarter past you had told MIL to sling her hook, been to NDN, and were back posting on MN...

I know, helluva quick!

Koala yes, I agree on all fronts including the making up the bed on the sofa as what you'd actually do. OP has said she's drinking prosecco with friend now though, so she must be real.

Butterymuffin

MaidofStars, kudos to you for the question of the evening. I applaud your instinct - "frottage", nominal derivation of French verb "frotter" so your present participle would be right except that borrowed words are usually adapted to the new lnguage by some sort of analogical process so I would go with "frottaging" after all.

As I understood it she had plans with her friend to come round, it was only the part about the friend staying over that she made up as an excuse for why MIL couldn't use the spare room. I wouldn't turf out a relative that I had invited or knew was coming. One who had broken into my house though...

she isn't a relative. she is OP's DP's mum.

Yep, to me that feels like "check that hussy isn't bumping uglies with some other man, and I can catch her out and get my lovely boy back home where he belongs!"

You acted better than many would, a lot of woman would have allowed their own plans to be ruined, been angry and grumpy about it, even if they kept a smile on for the MIL, then ranted quietly at their DP, leaving the MIL to think it was ok behaviour.

This is better, the MIL needs to know you don't travel for 2 hours to impose on someone for several days without even checking they are free so can spend time with you, let alone if they want you to turn up.

I wonder if there's an element of personality type clashing at work here? I am very introverted and the thought of getting home and finding an unexpected guest on my sofa has made me physically recoil. If the MIL is very extroverted maybe it could go some way to explaining why she didn't think this would be a problem. To me it seems blindingly obvious that you shouldn't do this but perhaps some people would be genuinely happy to get in and find a houseguest?

I wonder if there's an element of personality type clashing at work here? I am very introverted and the thought of getting home and finding an unexpected guest on my sofa has made me physically recoil. If the MIL is very extroverted maybe it could go some way to explaining why she didn't think this would be a problem. To me it seems blindingly obvious that you shouldn't do this but perhaps some people would be genuinely happy to get in and find a houseguest?

"Introverted" - a lot of people are. Doesn't give them a free pass to be unfriendly and unwelcoming. One gets over oneself.

I have never understood why anyone would think it is ok to let themselves into someone else's house, unannounced, in this way. I can't imagine you MIL being happy if someone did this to her!

If she hasn't visited (with an invitation) before, how does she know that a neighbour has the key, and which neighbour, come to they?

It is rude and unthinking behaviour and not the sort of thing normal people do!

perhaps some people would be genuinely happy to get in and find a houseguest?

Hahahahahahaaaaa! No.

• come to that

Swiss; it's obnoxious to turn up and let yourself into someones house unannounced and expect to be welcomed to stay for several days. Nobody is obliged to play 'nice' with such people, people like that depend on other peoples fear of causing offence to get away with their behaviour.

Manners are something that should always be used with polite, respectful people. Rude, offensive people can learn good behaviour if they want people to be nice to them.

OP is awesome! MN is full of whiny martyrs who put up with crap for years and passive aggressively post on it. Thank goodness for people who draw a line immediately!

Doesn't give them a free pass to be unfriendly and unwelcoming.

Somebody breaking into my house would give me a free pass to be as unwelcoming as I bloody well like.

Thomas I wasn't convinced myself but there's nowt queer as folk!

To me it seems blindingly obvious that you shouldn't do this but perhaps some people would be genuinely happy to get in and find a houseguest?

I am a total introvert and would absolutely hate it.

But, being an adult, I can suck it up and behave decently towards the mother of my partner/husband for a night.

So glad you got rid of her!

It's so refreshing to read a thread about someone attempting to be manipulative where the OP actually does the right thing and puts the boundaries firmly back in place. So often people just say "Ooh, anything for a quiet life" and give in.

A lot of people seem to be upset that it's a "MIL bashing" thread but really, that's irrelevant. It could have been a friend, sister, anyone really. The important thing is that whoever it is learns not to try this shit again.

But, being an adult, I can suck it up and behave decently towards the mother of my partner/husband for a night.

I think that's where the difference of opinion is here, as I don't think the OP has acted indecently. She explained that she already had plans and arranged somewhere for the MIL to stay instead. Not her fault that the MIL then had a tantrum because she'd been called out on her assumption that she'd get red carpet treatment.