MIL Surprise, surprise

[AmberStClare]

DP is away from home on a course and have been enjoying this week on my own, slobbing out in the evening after work, eating supper in front of the TV and generally having a nice time.

Just got home from work and opened the front door, walked into the sitting room to find my MIL sitting on the sofa. Cries 'surprise surprise, got the key from your NDN, let myself in and have come to stay for a few days to keep you company whilst DP is away.'

Just rung DP and he is equally annoyed as is expected back Saturday and we were looking forward to the weekend catching up on each other's news and bit of frottage. All out of the window as MIL expects to be waited on hand and foot, in fact just said if I was putting the kettle on she would love a cup of tea, 'And a biscuit dear if there are any going.'

Who do I kill first, NDN for giving out the key without checking with me first (She has never met MIL before as we moved here recently) or MIL for presuming she can do this.

But why is that OPs problem?

Maybe the age question is being asked as this is the kind of thing that people can do when they start to become cognitively impaired. They kind of miss out steps and find it harder to see things from anyone else's point of view. If MIL has always behaved like this, then this is completely irrelevant. If not, maybe DH could find out if she's had a health check up lately when he gets back.

Jesus, I cannot believe how fucking entitled she is

What the hell does she think she's doing?

Hmm. If she's only 66 and still very independent and mobile then it sounds like she came to stay because just felt like it for herself and saw your DP being away as a good opportunity. Hopefully she'll take the time in the B&B to realise that dropping it to stay completely unannounced isn't fair or reasonable, and will go home again and plan a proper visit down the line.

I don't see why you or DP should have to do anything to make this up to her, it's completely her own doing! She gave you no notice and you had done nothing to ever suggest a surprise visit is something you'd want, plus you already had plans. You've taken her to a B&B, not turfed her out onto the pavement, don't let her guilt trip you into feeling like you owe her something when she's just been very silly.

If it was her own child she was dropping in on the loneliness thing would be more understandable. Dropping in on your DIL for a week with your son away for the duration is surely universally odd and not really appropriate (in Britain anyway).

It for OP to be hugely inconvenienced and put upon even if MIL is lovely. Her behaviour as described by OP on this thread has been awful.

Turning up and getting a key from a neighbour unannounced ? Letting herself in and unpacking for the weekend without checking OP might have other arrangement ?

Throwing a tantrum and "wailing" that OP is ungrateful to her son when OP politely explained she had already made other arrangements as people do and presumably that it would be better to not turn to unannounced.

And for what it's worth I would be livid if my own mother did this. And I would have done exactly as OP has.

Although people may not u derstand that last part unless they have met my mother.

It's an odd thing to have done however you come at it though. If it was borne out of loneliness why on earth didn't she call first? If my MIL phoned to say she was feeling lonely and as DH was away could she come and stay for a few nights then of course I'd say yes. If I got home and she was sitting on my sofa with no warning then I'd be horrified. Because, as with most things in life, there is a right and wrong way to go about things. I would struggle to remain polite if somebody had been so very rude to me.

When my eldest sister was born, my mum's best friend came to help my dad while mum was in hospital (70s sexist but there we go). Her mother then turned up too without warning, to make sure (pregnant) best friend and my dad didn't get up to any hanky-panky!

Better yet, when best friend had her first child a few months later, my mum went to hers to return the favour, baby in tow, and best friend's mother went to stay there to make sure my mum didn't start bonking her best friend's husband!

When the mother died, best friend and her husband literally broke out the champagne.

Can't believe you wouldn't let your MIL stag in your house for even one night. How bloody miserable.

*stay

When the mother died, best friend and her husband literally broke out the champagne.

How lovely.

Yes, OP certainly achieved a lot, very quickly, MIL obviously didn't put up a fight at all.

But Koala, why should she? She already had plans for the night which would have been completely changed by MIL being there and demanding to be waited on. MIL was extremely rude to have effectively broken into the OP's house assuming she could treat it as her own.

Koala, OP already had plans for the evening: a friend was coming to stay for the night en route to the airport. Friend has the spare room. The only spare room.

MIL was completely in the wrong, and quite manipulative when she realized OP wasn't having it. Hopefully, her night in the B&B will be a wake up call to her rudeness.

OP, you have nothing to 'make up for'. So don't. You are owed an apology.

My DH's suggestion:

MIL remembered how distraught she was when her precious boy was away and assumed OP felt the same and that they could sit and sob about his absence together!

Indeed, Koala, and the nasty, vicious, abusive old witch deserved it. She made her daughter's life a living hell for decades.

So DP basically invited her!! You need serious words with him. No way should you be having to open the door with baited breath every time he's away! So bonkers.

I'd be beyond rage if anyone did this to me. I hate it if my lovely NDN knocks on the door unexpectedly, never mind someone letting themselves in and expecting to be entertained.

I suppose saying "Tough shit, MIL, I'm having an early night and eating cold baked beans straight from the tin for dinner, so I'll leave you to it" would have made her cry and wail too.

Loving the idea of an MN posse for these situations. I'll keep a suitcase "packed" just in case an emergency in-law deterrent is needed down my way. And I love a bit of improv!

My MIL is beyond fabulous, not least because she would not dream of visiting uninvited.

I think it was manipulative to a degree as I simply can't see any other reason not to call first. She must have at least suspected that if she'd asked the answer would have been no, otherwise she wouldn't have gone through with such a ridiculous plan.

She didn't have a friend staying; she made that up.

Even if she did - you don't turf a relative out. You make up a bed on the sofa and deal with it later.

That's how we deal with it in my world, anyway. But crack on.

Oh, and I'm not a MIL myself, either. Before anyone starts.