Wibu about DD's skirt?

[KubaLeebre]

DD is 4 and in a small private nursery. Today at drop off, she was showing her key worker her new cotton dress. The key worker said "DD, the first thing we are going to do is put some shorts on you, you like to roll around don't you, and you don't want the boys seeing your knickers!".

I said, "I'm sorry, but I feel that she doesn't need shorts. She's 4, and wearing knickers, so her bits are covered as far as I'm concerned".

Key worker just said "oh, right".

WIBU? I'm annoyed that the worker has been doing this. I don't want my 4 year old DD thinking that she has to "cover up" so that the boys don't see her knickers.

Girls have worn skirts / dresses with knickers for many years without any big drama. When I was young, school uniforms included uniform knickers, so presumably it was assumed that occasionally the pants would be on view, which would only be shocking if they weren't in uniform colours ( shit brown, in the school I'm thinking of!!). I would add my support for the boxer shorts style knickers though, I got them for DD as they don't chafe when soggy! Luckily that's sorted out now, but the shorties are very comfy, and don't tend to do annoying things like sliding between the buttocks. So might be a good option for anyone worried about a flash of flesh when the knickers are exposed. Incidentally I get dD swim costumes that have the shortie style as well because they stay put and she doesn't spend her entire swimming lesson fishing them out of her bottom.

Panties?? What fresh hell is this?

I've only read the OP but honestly, YANBU!! 4 years old?? Not allowed innocence past 4 years old?? Too sad.

VickyRsuperstar what sort of "mishap" is going to befall them though? Why is showing a bit of knicker a mishap? And knickers "on display" is a repulsive statement. Just as bad as all the "flashing" that keeps cropping up.

My son's and husband's pants are always inadvertently showing above their waistband. Not because they go round "displaying" or "flashing" them, but because heavy work trousers slip down. No one is shaming them in the street, proving that yet again it is a gender issue.

If a boy at playgroup's pants were showing above his trousers not a word would be said, thereby attaching a sexualised connotation to a little girl. Absolutely gross.

The fact that you can sincerely write that post Vicky and end by saying that "it's not a gender thing" just proves to me how ingrained in our culture this sexist nonsense is - women policing their own sexist treatment and believing it is of no matter.

That was quite odd for the key worker to say..don't they all get changed for P.E together up to year 6 anyway? They certainly don't care at 5 yrs old, I'd want to preserve that!
I doubt this is a sexist issue though because boys just don't wear the types of clothes that flash (sorry can't think of a better word) their bits or underwear in the same way apart from maybe the waistband.

Sorry, typed that on the first page without going further and just seen the messages above mine at the end.

Do we ever talk of boys and modesty?

YANBU that was totally uncalled for. World's gone mad!! Well done you!

I'm a TA and girls twirl and cartwheel in their summer dresses and flash their knickers in the process at break times like there's no tomorrow. I will defend it to the hilt. Adults need to stop sexualising children!

Greenpineapple- I love that!

Someone said boys have the right to lift a girls dress?!?!

You know, it's none of key workers fecking business! 1. she's not her mother so doesn't decide what she wears 2. she 4 for... sexualising children of that age is just sick 3. it's so wrong, I'm in annoyed for you!!

Why does anyone buy 'not quite adequate panties'?
It used to be normal for infants to do PE in their vests and pants. As far as I know no one showed any interest in anyone else's underwear.

Do we ever talk of boys and modesty?

No, we don't.

We should talk about, though, whether

a) the boys at this nursery are all tiny little sexists, rapists in the making, who would leer and make disgusting comments if they saw a girl's knickers (I sure hope that's not the case!)

or

b) that worker is grooming a child to consider it normal that boys cannot behave like normal human beings, even though the boys at preschool still behave like normal children.
In that case, I wonder what they're teaching the boys ... at best, they don't punish the boys for bullying, but I wonder whether there's lessons in ogling girls' pants ... I mean, where'd be the point in only gender-brainwashing the girls? They quite probably do it to boys, too.

Haven't read the whole thread but...

Panties? - please no!

Underwear has two purposes: to keep outer layers clean (historic I admit) and to maintain modesty. I don't think there is any need to layer shorts over them, they are doing their job!

Perhaps if we were more open to this idea that knickers are practical and not something that need to be 'hidden' we wouldn't have boys lifting skirts and treating them as 'naughty' as they grow older.

Here she is in actual the actual dress. For those concerned about her being limited by such attire - I promise she isn't. Can you occasionally see her knickers? Maybe. She doesn't care, and that's the main thing

I don't honestly care. There are other opinions on here that differ to yours (what a shock with such a big user base), it doesn't make me a bad person or in need of others to be rude to me.
My girls do not like accidentally exposing their underwear as it can be embarrassing for them and exposure can happen if the underwear turns out to be a bad fit. I've tried different brands with different kids and they haven't all fit correctly - sometimes they even go odd after a few washes. They are growing up and other class members do laugh if underwear gets accidentally shown - kids are kids and they laugh and this can be very upsetting to a sensitive child.
I was brought up not to show underwear in public if it could be helped. It wasn't because it was seen as a sexual thing, it was just not really the done thing - more to be polite and following etiquette. Go on tear that apart because I really couldn't care less. There is no harm in girls wearing small shorts under dresses. Each parent to their own. I just wouldn't have been offended by anyone suggesting it.

Yeah because 4 year little old boys

1. CARE
2. Are sexual predators.

Yeah because 4 year old little boys

1. CARE
2. Are sexual predators. hmm

There are pants styled like little shorts for the wee ones cover a bit more than the usual "briefs" style. I have some for my 4 year old granddaughter. Very comfy apparently!

I can't be 100% sure as I have never been there; but daring to admit that I am a closet fan of Aussie soaps I notice that the girls in high schools wear very short summer dressed that seem to leave little to the imagination. Nobody seems to give a fig, I realise that they are not doing cartwheels etc.but there does not appear to be any stigma about girls having to cover up.

I have 4 girls, they wear shorts under their dresses for modesty as do I. I wasn't made too as a child but choose too now.
I wouldn't expect anyone else to do it unwillingly, it's just a matter of choice.

I can understand that some people don't like seeing pants, and I can understand that therefore they like to see shorts under dresses, and I'd accept a nursery worker suggesting it, it's their opinion - I'd say no of course as it would be hot.

The big problem is the language " you don't want the boys seeing your knickers ", as that does exactly teach boys that seeing knickers is something the boys would want to do, which is exactly what encourages them to lift skirts etc. There's no reason for such language, they boys makes it even worse of course.