Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6

Original poster

FIL has a cheek!

133 replies

BlueMoon17 · 14/06/2017 12:39

The other night DP received this message from his DF:

'So, Fathers' Day Sunday. I've just treated myself to a new watch. £13 between you three.' ( DP has 2 siblings)

Now I know it's not a lot of money but I'm fuming, I'm hoping it's a joke. I just find it so rude! We don't get DF anything for Father's Day usually except this time I've got DP a mug and cider as it's his first one this year.

I know I'm probably BU to be so annoyed I just find it so fucking cheeky!

OP posts:

NavyandWhite · 14/06/2017 14:03

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Mummyoflittledragon · 14/06/2017 14:04

gin - I used to feel like that too. But it's projecting. My dad died when I'd just turned 16 so I can well imagine I missed out on a fair few years in comparison to you. What you said makes people feel extremely uncomfortable and guilty for having their very genuine feelings. Would you have like me to tell you you should be grateful for the years you had with him in comparison to me and get over it? I'm not saying that btw and I'm sorry your struggling.

purpleprincess24 · 14/06/2017 14:05

I just spoke to my Mum, part of the conversation was me saying 'you've bought me a top for my birthday' .... she was delighted.

On holiday recently, DH was looking at some binoculars so I bought them for him for his upcoming birthday.

I hate wasting money and would much rather pay for something that someone actually wants.

We still do a small surprise present

My elderly father is very difficult to buy for but he likes a drink, so I've bought him a selection of British Beers which I know he'll enjoy. I've also got him a sudoku and crossword book to take on holiday.

Sounds like FIL might be trying to make a point, perhaps other years he has felt neglected

Better get my recipe books out as I'm cooking Sunday lunch

TheMysteriousJackelope · 14/06/2017 14:06

It is cheeky to assume you're getting a present, but maybe he wanted to let your DP know to prevent him buying another present. He'd easily spend that amount of money on chocolates or a bottle of wine, so the amount spent is reasonable.

If the only time he contacts your DP is to tell him what presents he's to get him then that is a valid, but separate, issue.

RebootYourEngine · 14/06/2017 14:13

The expectation would have annoyed me. I dont think its really about the £13 but more the expectation on fils behalf.

Also just because someone is a father doesnt mean that they are a good dad. My ds' father hasnt bothered in near enough 10 years so he will be getting fuck all from ds on fathers day.

BachingMad · 14/06/2017 14:16

How is he your FIL when you are not married to his son? why is it your business anyway?

Poor man, I can't believe you begrudge five measly quid for Father's Day. Is this a real thread or are you a troll or is this some sort of reverse? If this is real, you sound horribly controlling. Is he really so poor that he needs this cheap watch or would he just like a token of love and recognition, something that he can treasure from his DC?

Why don't you just advise your DP to go no contact, then you won't have the same problem next year? If you exclude him from the wedding, you'll probably save a bit more!

MissionItsPossible · 14/06/2017 14:20

Your partner is not that close to his dad, he never bothers texting your partner yet you were going to see him but he happened to be away with his wife? You can't blame people for not reading through the whole thread when it doesn't make sense anyway.

NavyandWhite · 14/06/2017 14:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

JeffreySadsacIsUnwell · 14/06/2017 14:23

If my dad or (now dead) FIL sent a text like that, I would - after getting over my shock that either of them would text - reply that I hoped for that price it was gold-plated. My dad would probably reply 'platinum!', that would be the end of the texting, but I'd take the hint and call DM to find out if there was anything DF would like...

Squishedstrawberry4 · 14/06/2017 14:25

YOU should have text back 'oh but we've got you a watch already' and then presented him with an edible chocolate one Father's Day

Personally his text wouldn't brother me. I'd have to be cheeky and text back

Lauren1983 · 14/06/2017 14:29

I agree with you OP. I think it's cheeky to ask for a gift regardless of what relative you are. Your FIL should have waited to be asked what he wanted (if your DP and his siblings wanted to get him a gift) and then offered it as a suggestion.

diddl · 14/06/2017 14:31

I think that the only reply to that is "hahahahaha!"

You don't do presents-don't be forced into it.

MissionItsPossible · 14/06/2017 14:39

JeffreySadsacIsUnwell

You'd send a text like that over less than a share of £4.50? Could understand your response if it was £450

Oldgranny · 14/06/2017 14:42

lighten up
fffs

TisGlorious · 14/06/2017 14:51

Good God! The man treated himself to a £13 watch, he decided to be bold and presumptuous that his 3 adult kids wouldn't mind paying for it as his Father's Day gift. I doubt he couldn't afford £13 himself, it's more the sentiment that it's his children that paid for it.

What is wrong with you? He's not even your fil yet. Now that's being presumptuous!

diddl · 14/06/2017 14:54

"it's more the sentiment that it's his children that paid for it."

Sorry, but that's hilarious.

BachingMad · 14/06/2017 14:57

Why is it hilarious diddl? Haven't you heard of sentimental value? The OP is someone who knows the price of everything and the value of nothing.

diddl · 14/06/2017 15:00

Where's the sentimental value in buying yourself something & then asking your kids for the money?

TheGoodEnoughWife · 14/06/2017 15:01

No one has a right to a present and it doesn't sound like this family has the sort of relationship where this demand would be endearing!

Original poster

BlueMoon17 · 14/06/2017 15:05

Your partner is not that close to his dad, he never bothers texting your partner yet you were going to see him but he happened to be away with his wife?

Oh sorry, so there can only be incredibly close with your family or no contact, but no in between? Didn't realise you made up the rules as to how family dynamics should work.

OP posts:

buttercup54321 · 14/06/2017 15:06

Sounds like he is joking. You need to get a grip. It wouldn't hurt to buy him something anyway.

Soulcakequack · 14/06/2017 15:15

Honestly you need to step back. Your partners relationships with his parents aren't yours to supervise.

If he needs your support because he is upset annoyed, that's your role.

MissionItsPossible · 14/06/2017 15:15

Oh sorry, so there can only be incredibly close with your family or no contact, but no in between? Didn't realise you made up the rules as to how family dynamics should work.

I don't, I'm just trying to make sense of your, quite frankly, ridiculous reaction in your OP. You or your partner would end up paying more in petrol than he would have in his share for the watch.

gillybeanz · 14/06/2017 15:16

well your child will hopefully grow up a bit nicer and kinder.
thank God they teach these things in school now.
YABU self centred and selfish, not to mention ungrateful to your df and dfil.

Original poster

BlueMoon17 · 14/06/2017 15:19

I don't, I'm just trying to make sense of your, quite frankly, ridiculous reaction in your OP. You or your partner would end up paying more in petrol than he would have in his share for the watch like I said, again, it's not about the money.

OP posts:

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6