FIL has a cheek!

[BlueMoon17]

The other night DP received this message from his DF:

'So, Fathers' Day Sunday. I've just treated myself to a new watch. £13 between you three.' ( DP has 2 siblings)

Now I know it's not a lot of money but I'm fuming, I'm hoping it's a joke. I just find it so rude! We don't get DF anything for Father's Day usually except this time I've got DP a mug and cider as it's his first one this year.

I know I'm probably BU to be so annoyed I just find it so fucking cheeky!

Yes but you begrudge giving the man £13.

I'd love it if my dad sent me a message like that - he's a nightmare to buy for!

I suppose you see it as cheeky because he's not your father, but I don't see the need to be fuming over it

Is this how they work though? I know plenty of families where everyone is sick of presents they don't want and so they agree a budget and the person gets what they want.

I honestly don't think he's being unreasonable- is there backstory here?

Maudlinmaud No I'm not, it's the way he's gone about it. We don't hear from him and then all of a sudden it's Fathers Day and he wants xyz.

Oh and since when is giving gifts a must thing to do? If you don't buy gifts then you clearly don't appreciate or care for someone. You're neglecting them!

YABU sounds like a lighthearted, jokey message to me.
I expect OP's next post will be that FIL is,in fact, abusive...

I think the point is being missed that OP's partner doesn't seem to hear from his DF very often. If he doesn't have a close relationship with his Dad then it's rather presumptuous to text out of the blue and announce that he feels you owe him money for a present he's bought himself.

The amount of money is irrelevant - it's the assumption that he's entitled to it, despite not being very close or taking much of an interest in his son and his son's family.

we're saving for a wedding
So you can't spare a fiver?

Tell us more about your wedding plans OP

Tell us more about your wedding plans OP

Such as?

My DF gets a Father's Day card and present, because we are close to him and although my DH doesn't see him very often (different countries and for cost purposes I usually visit alone), they get on well and chat on the phone and FB.

My DH's Dad on the other hand, might as well be on Mars for all we hear from him. DH gave up when it became apparent that contact was always going to be down to him and it was blindingly obvious that no effort was going to be reciprocated. Needless to say he gets nothing.

It's pretty rude, unless he'd made an agreement with his own children beforehand that everyone was happy with this. I can't see how buying yourself a present out of the blue and demanding payment would ever be acceptable

On the other hand, would it kill you and dp to get your fathers a small token gift on Fathers Day?

Sounds like the kind of text my DH would get from FIL. I'd be grateful as it's cheaper than the whiskey we usually get the fussy bugger . We never get hi how are you texts from either set of parents so I really don't see the issue with him saying this, joke or not. Maybe it's a hint that he would actually like more than a card!

Oh and since when is giving gifts a must thing to do? If you don't buy gifts then you clearly don't appreciate or care for someone. You're neglecting them! hmm

I take it you're not expected any wedding presents then.

So you don't ever buy presents for Father's Day? What about your dad? Do you do Mother's Day?

I take it you're not expected any wedding presents then

God no. I've been brought up to not expected gifts from people. If they do, fantastic and be grateful. But never expect.

Nope nothing for my dad either. He hates me giving him gifts, thinks it's a waste of money and it should go towards DD not him.

Are you a mum OP?

Will you be okay "getting a card" from FIL as a wedding present?

Maybe he's done it because it's Father's Day and he never gets a gift from his children? Poor man.

I'd love it if my Dad did this! I always struggle with what to get him but like to ensure he feels special.

FIL still gets a card, and we'd go see him too but he's going away with his wife this weekend.

Navy they are in touch with FIL, you wouldn't visit someone who you're not in touch with.

This is one of those weird threads where the first post sets the tone. Of course it's rude (if not a joke), I think because it a FIL people are jumping to defend but it's a strange thing to ask, and if it's such a paltry amount of money as so many posters have said why does FIL feel the need to be reimbursed? If this was an OP saying they had sent this text to their parents there would be a lot of outrage and "you sound very entitled" etc

Can I just clarify, I am not a tight person. DP has fumed with how much money I spend on gifts usually. In the past (before DP and DD), I've sent my parents on holiday, bought a tablet for my DS.

It's not the money that's the issue, it's the assumption and sense of entitlement.

Perhaps the poor guy feels sad about being ignored every father's day.

Quite an assumption.

I think YANBU. It's not about the money; it's rude and presumptuous of him. If you were close then I'd probably think it was a joke, but I'm guessing it isn't.