Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6

Original poster

FIL has a cheek!

133 replies

BlueMoon17 · 14/06/2017 12:39

The other night DP received this message from his DF:

'So, Fathers' Day Sunday. I've just treated myself to a new watch. £13 between you three.' ( DP has 2 siblings)

Now I know it's not a lot of money but I'm fuming, I'm hoping it's a joke. I just find it so rude! We don't get DF anything for Father's Day usually except this time I've got DP a mug and cider as it's his first one this year.

I know I'm probably BU to be so annoyed I just find it so fucking cheeky!

OP posts:

FreakOfNurture · 14/06/2017 13:34

Christ it's a self-deprecating joke.

WhatchaMaCalllit · 14/06/2017 13:35

Perhaps your FiL saw a watch, decided he liked it, didn't want any other gift and sent his children a text saying that he's bought it and doesn't want any other gifts instead so pay £13 each towards a gift he does want?
Not entitled, not making any assumptions, rather proactive I would have said.

Sometimes I wish my DH would do something like that as I find him particularly hard to buy gifts for.

LoveB · 14/06/2017 13:35

OP I think it's bloody cheeky too!

Doesn't matter whether you usually get him anything or not or how much money it is, it's just cheeky to buy yourself something and tell other people to pay for it, end of!

Try not to get too worked up by people disagreeing with you

Starbonnet123 · 14/06/2017 13:36

its my first year in 52 years that I have no dad on Father's Day and to begrudge a cheeky little txt from your Fil on one day of the year makes me feel a little sad . I would give everything I have just to see my dad again to tell him how much I love him and miss him . Don't be too hard on him you'll miss your fil when he's gone x

timeisnotaline · 14/06/2017 13:36

You are mean and awful because you seem to begrudge £13 for a present for your dh's father on Father's Day? So what if he chose it, it's bloody obvious he couldn't expect you or your dh to put any thought in it.

Sunnydaysrock · 14/06/2017 13:37

I would be cross and I'm pretty sure my DH wld be too. It could have been worded 'I've seen something I like would you mind chipping in?'. On the other hand if the OP and her DP don't usually buy presents for Father's Day I think it's really cheeky. I don't get anything for my DF. Presents shouldn't be 'expected'.

Boulshired · 14/06/2017 13:37

He was letting you know that whilst you feel presents do not matter, they matter to him.

Getoutofthatgarden · 14/06/2017 13:39

I must be very entitled then. I tell my DP what I'd like for birthdays/christmas every year.

innagazing · 14/06/2017 13:39

Oh and since when is giving gifts a must thing to do? If you don't buy gifts then you clearly don't appreciate or care for someone. You're neglecting them! hmm
I didn't say in my earlier post you necessarily had to buy him a gift. I said he was sending a clear message that he feels unappreciated and neglected. This could be remedied in a variety of ways that doesn't include the giving of a gift.
Does your DP have any plans to see his DF on Sunday incidentally?
I think many parents take a step back from their adult kids and don't want to be seen as intruding in their lives, so wait to be invited/ contacted by them rather than instigating it themselves.

Topseyt · 14/06/2017 13:40

We just do cards for Fathers' Day. Same for Mothers' Day.

I don't see that as at all unusual

Neither my PIL (sadly both no longer with us) nor my parents would ever send any such messages.

For the sake of family harmony I wouldn't say anything, but would privately view it as rather entitled. Cool down from the fuming though. It really isn't worth expending that much energy.

PinkPeppers · 14/06/2017 13:42

Imagine that its wasnt the OP's FIL but her ds, aged 13yo who had decided to whatever occasion that he would buy himself a watch and then ask his parents and garnd parents to pay for it.
Imagine that 13yo had sent a text saying 'Ive bought myself a b'day present and iam asking you to pay for it now so it will be xxx each', would people find it normal still?
I very much doubt it. I suspect that most posters would say that the ds is an entitled teenager that hasnt learnt anything about money eyes etce etc.

As far as i am concerned its rude. Very rude to ask for money like this. And even ore so to put people in a situation where they cant say no because he has alerady bought the item. There was no hesitation on his side that they would pay....

Original poster

BlueMoon17 · 14/06/2017 13:42

Maybe fuming is the wrong word then as I was never planning on saying anything to anyone about it.

I do wish some people would read the thread properly though.

OP posts:

sherridan · 14/06/2017 13:43

I also think YANBU. It clearly isn't about the £13. I buy presents for Father's Day and Mother's Day and I appreciate a hint about what my parents would like but the tone of that message would have got my back up as well. Gifts are at the discretion of the giver and should be appreciated not demanded. When did it become acceptable for an adult to tell their relatives what they have bought/will buy for them?

PinkPeppers · 14/06/2017 13:44

Telling people what you would like is VERY different than buying the item and then expecting people to pay £xxx.

And if thought that present for father day are imprtant, then he should jsut say so. Would you really be happy for a present given under duress?

womaninatightspot · 14/06/2017 13:48

I'd read that as don't bother getting me anything. Do you really think he's going to follow it up with a request to transfer funds or ask for cash when you see him next?

Mummyoflittledragon · 14/06/2017 13:49

Text him back. "I've just booked a wedding. Your half is £Xk." See what he says. Then tell him to stick the £13. How rude.

PrincessToadinTheHole · 14/06/2017 13:52

fil is sending a very clear message to his children that he is feeling neglected and unappreciated. It would be kind to take note. And not just because father's Day is coming up.

That^

Dp should text him back and say sorry I've already bought your gift and get him something nice!

Coddiwomple · 14/06/2017 13:53

If he had demanded £500, you could be fuming and tell him to jog on.

He asked for 13 lousy pounds... it sounds more like a joke than someone being entitled or anything. You are massively over-reacting. You have the right to be against any mother/ father's day presents for your own close family, but none to decide for others. Unless he's exactly the same, telling your own dad that you don't buy gifts is mean too!

If he had asked for £1.50, you would feel insulted.

Bloody hell, people can't win. If he had asked his 3 kids for a £40 gift (divided by 3!), people would be embarrassed and would buy him something better.

I can't believe the anger over £13.

TheGoodEnoughWife · 14/06/2017 13:54

Not quite sure why folks have had such a go. It is rude. You aren't entitled to a present for anything so to presume and actually buy something and expect reimbursement is bizarre (unless it is actually a joke!)

And to the 'poor man' and he 'feels neglected' - erm, maybe he is not a nice person? Maybe actually he is a bit of git?

If it was the other way round and you had bought yourself a present and then text your in laws asking for reimbursement you would have everyone down on you. Ignore the yabu

Wonders71 · 14/06/2017 13:57

Sorry to pee on your parade while it might of been rude its £13...wish my dad wad here so i could be offended at the rudness then laugh it off.

Getoutofthatgarden · 14/06/2017 13:57

In the past (before DP and DD), I've sent my parents on holiday

So it's ok to treat YOUR DPs just not your OHs?

PrincessToadinTheHole · 14/06/2017 13:58

He's asked for a £13 present. Even if he is a bit of a git she can afford a £13 annual payment for What is presumably a satisfactory husband.

He didn't ask for a Rolex

ginswinger · 14/06/2017 14:00

Bluntly, I'll do you a swap; my Dad passed away 2 years ago and I would run over the Pope to have another hour with him.

Mummyoflittledragon · 14/06/2017 14:01

If he is "neglected", it sounds like it may be his nature unless this is a complete joke. He doesn't bother to get in touch with them and isn't around at the weekend. Not a great track record.

VladmirsPoutine · 14/06/2017 14:03

You're probably one of the reasons why some parents worry about their sons growing up and marrying, and basically becoming something of a stranger to them.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6