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AIBU?

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Original poster

Nuisance Nanny - part 2. The Aftermath.

807 replies

Writerwannabe83 · 13/06/2017 19:37

Sorry for the delay in starting the new thread but blimey, what a nightmare this is turning out to be Sad

I went round there, Mr NDN let me in and showed me through to the living room where Mrs NDN was on the sofa. I smiled at her and went straight in to my apology about swearing at her and how I shouldn't have done it, that I was just angry and frustrated and that I had lost my temper. I said I had simply been confused about the Nanny's behaviour, her excuses, the mixed up stories etc and that I had let myself get too wound up but that I shouldn't have sworn like I did. I was sincere (because I did mean it) and I genuinely thought she would accept my apology but she went mental on me.

She basically ignored what I'd said and launched into me about how unhappy she was about the fact she'd come home to find her Nanny all upset because apparently I'd been threatening and intimidating towards her!!!!!!

Mrs NDN then said that I should be ashamed of myself for upsetting a young woman so much and that if I had any problems with their Nanny then I should be speaking to her and her DH as the employers, not being aggressive towards the Nanny herself which is a complete U-Turn from what she said to me yesterday!!

I started to try and explain about the parking but she brushed me off and said she knew I'd parked across their drive and that the Nanny had simply made an innocent mistake by parking across my drive again as she'd honestly believed I was at work and that my response to park across their drive had been a total overreaction.

I said to Mrs NDN that yesterday she told me that if I had any issues with the Nanny then I was take it up directly with the Nanny, so why now is she having a go at me for having done doing exactly that?!

It was so bizarre!! Yesterday Mrs NDN was throwing her Nanny under the Bus but during her rant at me she was acting as though the Nanny is all pure and wholesome!

Apparently the Nanny has told the NDNs that she needs some time to think about whether she can continue working with them as she no longer feels comfortable working in an environment where she feels vulnerable!!!

It's absolutely crazy!!!!!
I feel like I'm living on another planet.

Mr NDN didn't really say anything, he just sat there whilst his wife ranted at me.

I'm back home now and have been quite tearful about it to DH. I genuinely wasn't aggressive or threatening to the Nanny, I was just being firm. I feel like I'm now the Bad Guy in this situation and the Nanny is the victim. It didn't even occur to me that I might be upsetting the Nanny when I spoke to her before I moved my car.....I didn't think she was the type of person who could get upset....she's been so bloody unbelievable that I thought she'd be too brass necked to feel intimidated by anyone.

I'm just so shocked and this really wasn't what I was expecting.

My DH is furious and I've had to hold him back from going round there himself. He said the Nanny has obviously just turned on the waterworks to the NDN to save her own skin and portray me as the one being in the wrong to take the focus off what she'd done.

I want to believe him, I can imagine the Nanny probably would be that manipulative but it doesn't make me feel any less crap or upset Sad

OP posts:
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bluediamonds · 14/06/2017 10:31

I'd take advantage of MrsNDN not being there and speak with him if I were you. He's the most decent out of them all, and with a bit if luck (as he's instigated the chat) it will get resolved.

Enjoy your little outing today, it'll do you good.

Ceto · 14/06/2017 10:31

It sounds as if you're better off talking to Mr NDN when Mrs isn't there, as he seems to keep quiet when she's around. But if it can't be avoided, make sure it's a four way conversation, and count to 10 if you feel yourself getting upset. If she starts the "poor little young girl" stuff, point out that being 7 months pregnant kind of trumps being young, and that if their nanny can't deal with the consequences of her deliberate actions then maybe she shouldn't be in charge of young children anyway.

littleemma1 · 14/06/2017 10:33

This thread is brilliant. It's just taken me over an hour to get through it but it was worth it!
OP I'm so with you, I hate inconvenient parking across driveways!
As for today, I was wondering more why the heck they still need the nanny to come around when they are not both at work?!

GabsAlot · 14/06/2017 10:35

i wouldspeak to him alone if he seems more reasonable

th fact thy let their child go out in a car that has leaks is ironic

police wont do anything about blocked drives an they prob know this themselves

HotelEuphoria · 14/06/2017 10:37

Mr NDN sounds quite reasonable, whereas Mrs NDN sounds like an over reactive nutter - clearly your NDNs are Good Cop & Bad Cop, so just deal with the good one.

At the end of the day, you have been reasonable, you haven't asked for anything that is unreasonable, it is the nanny and the Bad Cop that have been entirely ridiculous.

Good luck x

diddl · 14/06/2017 10:38

"Mr NDN came out to me and asked if he could have a word."

Wonder if he's going to ask if nanny can continue parking over your drive & will move when asked?

Clearly no good as she wasn't there yesterday to ask?

Or halfsies on the oil leak & they she can park on their driveGrin

GiraffeorOcelot · 14/06/2017 10:38

Yes I'd go and talk to him while Mrs NDN is not there. He clearly realised she was out of order on the previous occasion and probably does this time too.

It is in everyone's interests to go back to a cordial neighbourly relationship and I think he is trying to do that.

Hope it goes well.

AnathemaPulsifer · 14/06/2017 10:38

You've done nothing wrong, except for swearing at them. However, given that you did go into her home and swear at her, I think you're right to feel that her inviting you round and swearing at you is simply her feeling similarly het up. I hope you all manage to smooth it over.

If they've lost their nanny it is not even slightly your fault (but you need to accept that they may assume you swore at the nanny like you swore at them).

ChameFangeNail · 14/06/2017 10:39

Are you kidding me theres not going tonnes an iodate until at least 3pm??

Wtf am I going to do all day now? YABU.

ChameFangeNail · 14/06/2017 10:40

An update I have no idea what tonnes iodate means. Confused

DartmoorDoughnut · 14/06/2017 10:45

Have a lovely day in the sun and try to not worry about it all Flowers easier said than done I know!

turnaroundbrighteyes · 14/06/2017 10:53

Try not to worry op, nanny sounds like she's been playing you and Mrs ndn off against each other hoping you'd take her side with her poor bad back and persuade Mrs ndn, who she's obviously more scared of, to let her park on their drive. Now she's realised you're not the pushover/allay she thought you were it sounds like Mr ndn is stepping in to sort it.

Hope all goes well tonigh

anchor9 · 14/06/2017 10:56

hoping for some R from Mr NDN. this kind of thing would have me in knots Flowers

SexLubeAndAFishSlice · 14/06/2017 11:03

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

6demandingchildren · 14/06/2017 11:15

so what happens when you have a newborn? you bought/rented your house with a drive as you have a car and a family, why should you park around the corner and have to carry baby/shopping/school bags just so ndn can have their nanny park more conveniently.

it boils my piss

Mummmy2017 · 14/06/2017 11:16

Ok just a thought, but since you keep being put on the back foot by this couple. do this instead.

Ask them both to YOUR house.
Ask him this and then don't talk.
IT is your nanny who is parking across MY drive, how are YOU going to stop her doing this....?
Don't talk , just sit and wait for him to answer.
If you like what he says fine, say yes that sounds good, I didn't want to call in the local police to sort this out as I felt with you being in the force you would rather not have your colleagues know about it...

If you don't like what he says , say well unless your sort it maybe the best thing I can do is report it to the local station....

Also mention your heavily pregant and worried about having to do the run to the hospital in the near future...

BreakfastAtSquiffanys · 14/06/2017 11:23

I think with everything that has happened over last 2 days, it is virtually certain that nanny won't ever park over op drive again.
What is important is mending relationship with NDN, and I think it's up to them to make the first move ideally with Mrs NDN apologising for both her and their nanny's behaviour.
The OP is totally in the right

senua · 14/06/2017 11:24

I think that you need all five of you in the room together, to avoid all the blame-shifting onto whoever's not there.

StaplesCorner · 14/06/2017 11:25

I seriously think you should NOT talk to him later, have everything done through your DH now. They showed their hand yesterday when you went round and she shouted at you whilst he did nothing. Don't go back for more.

Rachel0Greep · 14/06/2017 11:27

Enjoy your day out. Flowers

ButtonMoonLoon · 14/06/2017 11:30

I would speak to the council. If you have a dropped kerb/ driveway you are able to approach them to ask for a white H line to be painted to prevent people legally parking in a way that obstructs your driveway. It usually covers the width of the entire driveway plus a fair bit extra either side to allow for visibility.
In my area it costs £35 and it is then legally enforceable.

I would also suggest that your husband is around when you chat to the NDN's husband later.

TheSnorkMaidenReturns · 14/06/2017 11:37

My experience is that white lines are not enforceable and many people know this, so ignore them.

Squishedstrawberry4 · 14/06/2017 11:51

Well I think it's important that you tell him that the nanny has manipulated both you and his wife. And you wouldnt employ an untrustworthy nanny.

Squishedstrawberry4 · 14/06/2017 11:52

I would talk to the DH actually. I wouldn't talk to the mrs alone as she's clearly unhinged

RedGrapeCornSnake · 14/06/2017 11:53

X bloody hell OP what a nightmare. I agree with PP who suggested all 5 of you get together. Then the nanny can't be so bloody 2 faced.
Hope you are having a lovely day out

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