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AIBU?

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Original poster

Nuisance Nanny - part 2. The Aftermath.

807 replies

Writerwannabe83 · 13/06/2017 19:37

Sorry for the delay in starting the new thread but blimey, what a nightmare this is turning out to be

I went round there, Mr NDN let me in and showed me through to the living room where Mrs NDN was on the sofa. I smiled at her and went straight in to my apology about swearing at her and how I shouldn't have done it, that I was just angry and frustrated and that I had lost my temper. I said I had simply been confused about the Nanny's behaviour, her excuses, the mixed up stories etc and that I had let myself get too wound up but that I shouldn't have sworn like I did. I was sincere (because I did mean it) and I genuinely thought she would accept my apology but she went mental on me.

She basically ignored what I'd said and launched into me about how unhappy she was about the fact she'd come home to find her Nanny all upset because apparently I'd been threatening and intimidating towards her!!!!!!

Mrs NDN then said that I should be ashamed of myself for upsetting a young woman so much and that if I had any problems with their Nanny then I should be speaking to her and her DH as the employers, not being aggressive towards the Nanny herself which is a complete U-Turn from what she said to me yesterday!!

I started to try and explain about the parking but she brushed me off and said she knew I'd parked across their drive and that the Nanny had simply made an innocent mistake by parking across my drive again as she'd honestly believed I was at work and that my response to park across their drive had been a total overreaction.

I said to Mrs NDN that yesterday she told me that if I had any issues with the Nanny then I was take it up directly with the Nanny, so why now is she having a go at me for having done doing exactly that?!

It was so bizarre!! Yesterday Mrs NDN was throwing her Nanny under the Bus but during her rant at me she was acting as though the Nanny is all pure and wholesome!

Apparently the Nanny has told the NDNs that she needs some time to think about whether she can continue working with them as she no longer feels comfortable working in an environment where she feels vulnerable!!!

It's absolutely crazy!!!!!
I feel like I'm living on another planet.

Mr NDN didn't really say anything, he just sat there whilst his wife ranted at me.

I'm back home now and have been quite tearful about it to DH. I genuinely wasn't aggressive or threatening to the Nanny, I was just being firm. I feel like I'm now the Bad Guy in this situation and the Nanny is the victim. It didn't even occur to me that I might be upsetting the Nanny when I spoke to her before I moved my car.....I didn't think she was the type of person who could get upset....she's been so bloody unbelievable that I thought she'd be too brass necked to feel intimidated by anyone.

I'm just so shocked and this really wasn't what I was expecting.

My DH is furious and I've had to hold him back from going round there himself. He said the Nanny has obviously just turned on the waterworks to the NDN to save her own skin and portray me as the one being in the wrong to take the focus off what she'd done.

I want to believe him, I can imagine the Nanny probably would be that manipulative but it doesn't make me feel any less crap or upset

OP posts:

Thread gallery

Berthatydfil · 14/06/2017 09:08

It seems to me that NDN don't want their property damaged by their employee i.e. By the dripping oil but are perfectly happy to allow the OPs property (her paving) to be damaged as as a result of their employees actions.
Presumably if RN fixed the oil leak there wouldn't be a problem ?

As an aside - If her car is such a heap why on earth are the parents allowing RN to drive their children around in it ? And more to the point this are police officers so should be even more aware of road worthiness of vehicles and safety matters.

RMC123 · 14/06/2017 09:12

Just caught up.
The NDN reaction was pretty shocking. But I bet she gave the Nanny a hard time too. I get the feeling she isn't a pleasant woman who will twist any situation to her advantage without taking any responsibility for her own behaviour. The fact she has changed her tune about you taking it up with the Nanny/ not taking it up with the Nanny shows that.
Also if the Nanny is such a delicate little flower that she can't cope with another adult firmly bringing her up short over something she has been repeatedly asked not to do, then what the hell is doing being left in charge of young children? I suspect in a crisis she would have all the backbone, common sense and usefulness of a jelly.
I think your best plan now is to lay low and see how things pan out. They would be stupid and deliberately provocative to park there again. If they lose their Nanny over this then that is their issue entirely. A) because they should of dealt with it the first time and B) she is a very immature and entitled person who takes no responsibility for her own actions.
Enjoy your day

Thiscantreallybehappening · 14/06/2017 09:12

Writer - you haven't done anything wrong. You tried to get this sorted by talking to the NDN and the Nanny in the beginning. They both ignored your requests. You are bound to be frustrated by the situation. You buy a house with a drive and expect to be able to use it. It is not only rude and disrespectful but it is against the law.

How dare the NDN's hire a Nanny and not let her park on their drive because of an oil leak but think it is okay for you to be inconvenienced. Then how dare they not take your valid points on board and sort the situation out with the Nanny. It shouldn't matter whether you are out for the whole day or part of it - when you arrive home you should be able to park on your drive without any obstruction. Also, as someone else pointed out for the NDN and Nanny to continue to obstruct your drive for their own selfish reasons when you are pregnant is awful.

The Nanny turned on the waterworks because she knew she was in the wrong and to get sympathy. She manipulated the whole situation, but the NDN's should not have taken her side. When the dust has settled, I would let your DH go around and see the NDN's. I am hoping for you that the Nanny will now not obstruct your driveway ever again.

They are the unreasonable ones, not you don't doubt yourself. I know it is going to be difficult but try and switch off and have a lovely day with your friend

Neutrogena · 14/06/2017 09:18

If it's true that the nanny is parking illegally, then let the authorities do their thing.
AFAICT - they haven't even been contacted yet.

You did the best thing first of all which is ask nicely. However, they are being bloody difficult and ignoring you. Thus next step is get the authorities in.

OP
So you think it's ok that I should have to be continually inconvenienced and also be forced to damage my own property if I want to use my own drive? I should just accept that and get on with it?

As I said, if they are parking illegally, get the authorities.
If not, then accept they are in their rights to park there, no matter how inconvenient it is to you.

Neutrogena · 14/06/2017 09:22

Longtime
Neutro, it's not about parking though, is it? It's about the fact that the nanny has no respect for writer and is clearly taking the piss

This is the issue. The bruising of the pride is hurting OP and causing stress for her family. They say pride comes before a fall.

Yes, some people are absolute selfish ar5eholes, but you cannot change them. Accept that they are the way they are and move on.
If they are parking illegally, take it up with the authorities.

iknowimcoming · 14/06/2017 09:23

You have done nothing wrong OP no need to feel bad at all.

Nanny should not have parked there.
NDN should have noticed she was parked inconveniently to you and told her to park somewhere else (I would have in their position)
When you asked her not park there she should have apologised and said it won't happen again
When you complained to them they should have said sorry - we asked her not to - we'll speak to her again

I suspect pp's are right and nanny was bricking it as they told her not to park there and she did and was caught out so made a show of crying and saying she couldn't work for them anymore, I suspect she was caught out lying about the bad back with NDN previously too. Or the ndn was lying about her saying she'd quit to make you feel bad. Bottom line is both ndn and nanny know they are in the wrong which is probably why they've all behaved so childishly. Behaving the way they have to a heavily pregnant woman is pretty low in my book. You have proved you are not to be messed with and that's no bad thing - have a nice day out

Nikephorus · 14/06/2017 09:25

OP - ignore Neutrogena, she's talking b*llocks for the sake of it. She's probably the type who blocks peoples' driveways for fun.

Nananap · 14/06/2017 09:28

I love the fact that they are fine with the young vulnerable nanny taking their kids out in a leaky car but not on their drive.

Complete contradiction.
As for forgetting, jesus, if someone has a go at me about something i remember! Id much sooner have a leaky car parked on my drive so its easy for kids to get in and out (and safer for them).

PoorYorick · 14/06/2017 09:33

The NDNs ARE the authorities and were doing fuck all!

I think OP was right to take defensive parking action. With the benefit of hindsight, I guess it might have been better to have been a bit more measured when she spoke to the nanny after parking across the drive. But she had to do something.

Neutrogena · 14/06/2017 09:36

Nikephorus - nonsense. I am aware of others, and selfish parking (which nanny is v v guilty of) causes tensions. I try to avoid that.
My point is nanny is being a selfish twat, neighbours seem totally sh1te too. That's why you need to let the authorities deal with it.
If they won't, OP should accept they are w@nkers. She's getting herself all het up, and so far that hasn't done any good.

OP has large emotional intelligence (apologising for her part in confrontation with Mrs. Neighbour), but still is getting too emotional about this parking situation.

Original poster

Writerwannabe83 · 14/06/2017 09:36

OP - ignore Neutrogena, she's talking bllocks for the sake of it. She's probably the type who blocks peoples' driveways for fun.*

I just think it's funny when she keeps saying "Take it up with the authorities" when both her employers are police officers - the irony is just amusing.

Just as I was about to get in my car Mr NDN came out to me and asked if he could have a word. I had my son with me and he was carrying his baby so I knew a slanting natch wasn't going to be on his mind (I doubt he wanted that anyway) but I just wasn't in the mood to face him so I said I was on my way out and didn't really have time to talk. I was pleasant enough as I didn't want him to think I was just blowing him off to be stubborn etc and we agreed we would talk later instead.

I don't know whether it's better to talk to him alone or with Mrs NDN there too. The Nanny didn't return after the school run so I'm assuming she's gone home and won't be around later for the chat.

I'm going to try and put it to the back of my mind for now and enjoy my day.

I'm not going to be home until about 3pm so at least I've got a good 5 hours to think about what I'm going to say to him

OP posts:

MipMipMip · 14/06/2017 09:45

If I were you OP I'd wait until your husband is home. Not for as moment suggesting you can't handle it but personally I'd want witnesses. I'd probably ostentatiously get my phone out and tell them I'm recording the conversation too.

HumpHumpWhale · 14/06/2017 09:45

I hate people who placemark without anything useful to add... but I'm doing it. I'm just agog at the nanny and Mrs NDN. Really hoping you get this sorted soon!

onalongsabbatical · 14/06/2017 09:48

Writer spent three hours reading your absorbing saga last night. I'm cheering you on! You will be back with an update, won't you? (3pm, that's bloody ages!)
Seriously, you are doing so well with this and I suspect mr NDN is regretting his wife's stance on the matter, but I'm all agog to find out.
Have a lovely day and de-stress if you can.

Waltermittythesequel · 14/06/2017 09:48

Enjoy your day. Personally, I would make sure dh is there for this chat considering how they hijacked you last night!

onalongsabbatical · 14/06/2017 09:50

Hump so much agogeddness provoked by this fabulous thread (and previous)!

Nikephorus · 14/06/2017 09:53

I'd agree with having DH there. The more witnesses the better.
Have a good day in the meantime.

thetemptationofchocolate · 14/06/2017 09:59

I agree with bertha, about the roadworthiness of the Nanny's car. Maybe this is something to mention to Mr NDN later?
Generally speaking, if your car has an oil leak, you would get it fixed, so as not to drip on any road and cause a hazard to other road users, and/or to pollute the environment.
If the leak was fixed, then Nanny would be able to park on their drive and all would be well :)

BreakfastAtSquiffanys · 14/06/2017 10:00

It seems quite clear who is Good Cop and Bad Cop in the NDN household!

Neutrogena · 14/06/2017 10:06

OP-I just think it's funny when she keeps saying "Take it up with the authorities" when both her employers are police officers - the irony is just amusing.

Policemen/women still get parking tickets when off duty....try the council parking phone number

Inertia · 14/06/2017 10:26

Writer I really think you should avoid any further visits to their house.

If they want to speak with you again, they should be coming to your house when you're husband is there. Don't keep putting yourself in the position of feeling intimidated.

JumpingJellybeanz · 14/06/2017 10:26

I wouldn't get into any further discussions with them. Don't waste any more time or energy on them.

Lucywithout · 14/06/2017 10:28

Any conversation with these manipulative ppl next door should be recorded on your phone.BUT make sure you tell them you are doing that and stay reasonable without swearing.
They may seek to make your requests look like harrassment. Be careful here and preferably have a witness.

TrickyD · 14/06/2017 10:30

So you are going out for five hours OP?

Bit of a poor show, that.

londonmummy1966 · 14/06/2017 10:30

Have a lovely day OP and forget all about this. Send your husband round tonight to talk to Mr NDN - ideally before Mrs NDN gets home. He can then take the moral high ground and say that Mrs NDN's behaviour last night was very distressing for you - especially in your heavily pregnant state and so you prefer discussions to be "man to man" for a bit - and also point out that at 7 months pregnant being able to jump into a car in a hurry is extremely important. If you have to lug a large bump around in all this heat might as well make use of it for a sympathy vote...

for you

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