to expect DP to do something useful during his lunch break?

[LottieG100]

If DP isn't working away, he's usually close to home or working from home and has 1-1.5 hours lunch break. If he's working close to home and I'm not going to be home with our 2 year old for lunch he stays at work and plays on his phone. If he's working from home he does the same.

Today I took one DC to school, one to swimming and the third to the doctor then had to do the food shopping. I'd put washing in the machine before I left and there was washing up to be done from this morning. I hadn't had a chance to walk the dog yet so he was itching to get out. I didn't tell DP I wasn't going to be home as I was too busy and forgot but after having arrived home, I can see he's been home for lunch briefly, left more washing up, not put the washing out or even just thrown a ball for the dog in the garden.

I know he deserves a bit of a break but I certainly don't get an hour to sit on my phone and play which he did after leaving the dog and going back to work. AIBU to stay home even if we're not here and to make himself useful?

Are you a SAHM? I think it's reasonable, sorry - maybe if he's home he could put on a load of laundry and do a few dishes, but this is the downtime in his working day.

Did you ask him to do anything? Sometimes people need to be told!

If you are a SAHM then you need to respect that he needs his downtime, as you need yours. You would get to manage your day as you see fit - not his fault if you're too much of a martyr to take a break.

Yanbu. He should use his time productively. If something needs doing it should be done.

Leisure time happens after all the jobs are done not before.

But if you're a sahm lots of posters will side with the poor overworked man

Some guys just need told, my oh wouldn't notice that the dishes need done or the washing needs hung out, but if I ask him to do it then he will without complaint. If your OH doesn't do it because he feels it is your job, then you might have issues.

They "don't notice" precisely Because they think it's the woman's job. That's why it's a problem.

It's the mental load:

www.google.co.uk/amp/s/amp.theguardian.com/world/2017/may/26/gender-wars-household-chores-comic

YABU.

I can usually take my lunch break / coffee break at home because I work on the roads. I do 12 hour shifts.

My other half also does 12 hour shifts but has to stay at work.

It bugs the hell out of me when he asks me to do things during my lunch break. I have 2 hours each day and an hour of that is taken on the school pick up, the other hour I sit down and have lunch.

Housework ain't part of my working day. It can wait until my day off or when I get home.

Uh yes YABU to expect him to come home from work to do the washing up

I've also taken a child to school, done a load of washing, stripped one bed, washed up and working from 9am to now (just having a break).

It's what people do.

It's precisely that: a break. What he does with it is his choice. If he's at home, asking him to walk the dog isn't a bad thing though if he'll do it - Stretch his legs, air out his head etc.

Do you get an hour's down time in the day ever? If so YABU if not YANBU.

It's not being a martyr - I get up at 6.15 and sit down at 10.30 pm and do everything with no downtime ever.

What's his job? If he is a police officer in a child exploitation unit it's fair enough he needs to shut down.
If he does 5 hours a day painting landscapes he is a twat.

Presumably DCs 2&3 don't have swimming and doctor's appointments every day. So what happens on those days?

except now when your on here ofc

with no downtime ever.

Ever?? Well you're going to burn out if that's true but I don't believe it is.

If it is, schedule some. There really isn't 16 solid hours of work involved in being a SAHP unless one or more DC has additional needs.

It would be better for him to take the dog for a walk in his lunch break. Can't he do that instead of playing on his phone (is he 12?!)

Yes, exactly what @momdancing said! The mental load!

We have three children, numerous pets, a dog that needs walking twice daily, one disabled DC and DP does nothing except go to work. So I'm sure you can see I'm busy every day.

I genuinely cannot understand people who get up at 6.15am and literally never ever sit down until 10.30pm at night

I have 3 kids, a dog and a cat
I have worked PT, been in maternity leave with 2 under 2 year olds

I just don't believe it. And if it's true you are either doing way too much or you are filling your day with stuff just because you can

Leaving more washing up for you is twattish he could have done his own dishes and a few extra while he was at it and switching washing over takes 30 seconds.
However I don't think you can tell him what to do in his lunch break maybe just say if he isn't prepared to clean up after himself you would prefer it if he stayed at the office for lunch

Ah okay so a Dc with additional needs changes things. In that see he needs to up his game. You may be the SAHP but one with a disability means you have less time to do all the other stuff so it falls to him as the other parent and person who created the family.

Can't you give him a task? Can't he make dinner a few nights a week? He needs to do something. Playing on your phone all lunch break is a bit pathetic if you have lots of kids and plenty to do.

I'm on here while walking said dog and DC is sleeping in her pushchair. I don't class this as downtime. I haven't ever left the house without DC since DS was born seven years ago. Really, I have no downtime.