to expect DP to do something useful during his lunch break?

[LottieG100]

If DP isn't working away, he's usually close to home or working from home and has 1-1.5 hours lunch break. If he's working close to home and I'm not going to be home with our 2 year old for lunch he stays at work and plays on his phone. If he's working from home he does the same.

Today I took one DC to school, one to swimming and the third to the doctor then had to do the food shopping. I'd put washing in the machine before I left and there was washing up to be done from this morning. I hadn't had a chance to walk the dog yet so he was itching to get out. I didn't tell DP I wasn't going to be home as I was too busy and forgot but after having arrived home, I can see he's been home for lunch briefly, left more washing up, not put the washing out or even just thrown a ball for the dog in the garden.

I know he deserves a bit of a break but I certainly don't get an hour to sit on my phone and play which he did after leaving the dog and going back to work. AIBU to stay home even if we're not here and to make himself useful?

WannaBe - i left DS with H a couple times when he was a baby. result was him phoning me constantly asking me when i was going to be home, and ignoring baby screaming (because he was hungry), me telling him to feed baby, H ignoring me telling him to feed baby. get home later and find out he still hasn't fed crying baby. yep, there's a reason i didn't leave DS alone with him for a long time.

No, I think that at the point where you equate walking in a line with your dog somewhere + walking back, to actual work you probably just have a perception problem, no wonder you think someone doesn't need a break after a few hours of that.

Most of SAHP itself can be compared to a job with shitty hours, but frankly if the level of effort you have to put into a leisurely walk with your dog is not downtime then we all work most of the hours we are awake with no downtime.

I think there are issues here that aren't the problem bou lunch..Why is he doing nothing in the house at all.

Is SEN child in school?
You need to look at how you can work together?
I am assuming he doesn't work 12 hours 7 days a week.

I suspect that there are issues, but "no downtime ever between 6:15am until 10:30pm every single day", and absolutely zero recognition that a person's job takes effort and is even something you'd need a break from, makes me think there are probably two sides to this story. Or at least something we aren't hearing.

What's the point in people pointing out that you're a SAHM?

Your DP only goes to work and does nothing else? Then he is a lazy fucker.

I work hard and long hours but have a day off at home. My dh works at home one day a week.

He never does any chores on his working at home day which I find annoying. If I was at home then I would stick a load on at the least. Takes no time.

YANBU OP

Not doing house work on his lunch break is the least of your worries.

You have a disabled child and you are married to a fucking useless lump who wont take care of his own children,m ever, to allow you to leave the house.

Honestly love, divorce him, push for every other weekend contact and enjoy the respite.

Op I'm with you and apparently bu (don't tell dh). I do now work but no lunch breaks and go straight from work to collect dc. Dh has a lunch break. Today he used it to meet a guy giving us a quote for work, yesterday he did the vacuuming, Friday he picked up bread and milk.

You may be a sahm but that doesn't mean you do everything at home.

He doesn't "needs told" whatever the fuck that means.

He needs to do some basic household jobs. It's not hard.

I feel like I'm reading a post from 1950.

Wow! Some of the comments are terribly harsh I think. You're a partnership, everyone mucks in and does what needs doing. A 90 min lunch break?? More than enough time to swish some water over a few dishes and switch the washing and still have "me" time to faff about on his phone. YANBU.

Last time I went to the hairdressers I made appointments for the DC first and DP decided to wait in the car. I sent the two eldest out when they were done to tell him to come get the 2 year old in five mins as the person was ready to wash my hair and 2 year old wasn't quite finished. He left her with me for the duration of the appointment and sat in the car playing on his phone.

You can see my previous posts about hygiene and DS' SN to explain further why I'm not happy to leave the DC alone with him, but he isn't willing to look after them anyway so it's pretty irrelevant.

I'll answer how I don't sit down all day later as I'm just about to sit down to dinner.

Hang on, is this the man that left his child In a Freezing cold bath last year?

I work full time in the NHS and spend my lunchbreaks going to the bank, doing my weekly shopping, working overtime and generally running about doing it all. If I didn't it would not get done.
I think men can be a bit precious about their downtime, a woman wouldn't hesitate to do all of that and more.

AlmondAmy's latest incarnation surely? Why don't you just leave him? I've been on here 6 years and you've been posting about how neglectful and useless he is at least that long, but keep having more babies and getting more animals.

I think men can be a bit precious about their downtime, a woman wouldn't hesitate to do all of that and more.

Women and men being homogeneous blocks who all think and act alike, of course.

Walking the dog is downtime.

If it isn't then you need to think why you have a dog. It is meant to be fun not a chore every day. I work so would never consider getting a dog as I just don't have the time.

If walking the dog is downtime then it shouldn't be a problem for the OP's DH to do that instead of sitting and playing on his phone for the entirety of his lunch break.

"Why are you reading a book during your lunch break, you could have driven home and stripped the beds, you shirker"

But you have a dog and still had another child who is now 2, so you might want to revise that martyrdom narrative.

Why would you continue to have children with a man that can't or won't care for them? Don't they deserve better?

At least two must be at school leaving you with just a toddler so there's no reason for not having any down time whatsoever.

If you can't cope with this housework when not working then maybe continually adding pets and more children isn't the wisest of moves. Most adults work, parent and have a job on top.

He's not much of a catch is he. He's very unhygenic around the house, causing your children stomach upsets, he can't cope with the fact one of the DCs has autism, and he's stingy with money/financially abusive

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/2952385-to-find-DPs-lack-of-hygiene-intolerable?pg=1

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/2951022-to-leave-because-DP-cant-deal-with-DS-having-autism?msgid=69668369

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/2948031-Do-you-and-your-partner-share-finances

He's utterly feckless - didn't recognise the OP from the other threads.

I don't know why you're still with him.

You can keep posting threads on here about him, or actively solve the problem.

Your morning doesn't exactly sound like hard work despite you trying to make it. You put a load in the machine- 5 minutes, did school run, went swimming and to the Drs. Nothing exactly strenuous or mentally challenging! Let DH chill at lunchtime, he's been working not moseying around town!

This seems to be about more than his lunch break..which I believe he should have downtime on, seems you have too much on your plate to cope with. Maybe the pets are an unnecessary extra that has added the issue

OP is this your fourth post about your DP this month ?? You don't need an excuse to leave him - u can just pack and go because you aren't happy.