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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To e really uncomfortable about this food bank usage?

180 replies

EssieTregowan · 13/06/2017 13:12

It's not strictly a food bank, it's a local church community project, they get donated out of date food and run a free cafe, and every few weeks they run a free drop in where you can basically pick up what you like.

It is advertised as for everybody, tbf, but their website is very clear that its aim is to tackle food poverty.

My sister has been three times and keeps sharing the link and gushing about all the free food she's been getting.

I am really, really uncomfortable with this. They have three holidays a year, drive a new car, both have good jobs. They are not in any way in poverty. She is very tight and loves a bargain (nothing wrong with that) and is chuffed to bits to be getting a crate of free food every few weeks.

It makes me feel a bit sick though. I can't say anything in real life as I'll look like a bitch and probably be accused of being jealous Confused

Aibu? This just strikes me as all kinds of wrong but I'm prepared to be told otherwise.

OP posts:
KoalaDownUnder · 13/06/2017 14:54

limitedperiod, from the OP:

She is chuffed to bits to be getting a crate of free food every few weeks

The woman is taking a crate of free food home with her. That is not the same as attending a 'free lunch club' to chat with people.

Original poster
EssieTregowan · 13/06/2017 14:56

I've just spoken to them. Basically when they do the pop ups it's because they have a surplus. They have already distributed to referrals and gone round the streets and shelters. So he assured me no one in need is missing out.

They have said they appreciate donations and I've said I'll bring them some non perishables as they don't get those through fareshare and can use them in food parcels.

I'm going to suggest to my sister that she does the same, swaps some pasta and coffee for her free fruit and veg.

OP posts:
StaplesCorner · 13/06/2017 14:58

How stupid would anyone have to be to think they are entitled to use a service like this unless they are struggling?

lougle · 13/06/2017 14:59

I think people like your sister using these projects can be an excellent thing! I know someone who desperately needs to use The Real Junk Food Project right now. It would be so helpful. Yet they won't, because they don't want to 'be seen as a charity case'. If more people from all walks of life used TRJFP in their every day lives, not every day, but even once per week, or once per fortnight, then it wouldn't be seen as a 'thing to do when money is tight' but as a 'thing you do' and she wouldn't feel like going there would be noticed.

AmenacingWhistle · 13/06/2017 15:03

HI 5s lanouvelleheloise
Exactly that.

limitedperiodonly · 13/06/2017 15:08

How stupid would anyone have to be to think they are entitled to use a service like this unless they are struggling?

It's a FareShare. Check out their ethos before you describe anyone else as stupid

limitedperiodonly · 13/06/2017 15:17

KoalaDownUnder OP may have just covered it. No one in need has been deprived. I'd also query the word 'crate'. I guessed it was probably more like a couple of carrier bags, but what do I know? The point of these projects is that we should pay what we can afford. That's the only issue.

chinlop · 13/06/2017 15:19

I can't say anything in real life as I'll look like a bitch and probably be accused of being jealous

I can't see why you would look like a bitch or what jealousy would have to do with anything.

If it was my sister I'd just tell her straight up that it's supposed to be for people who can't afford food.

KoalaDownUnder · 13/06/2017 15:25

The point of these projects is that we should pay what we can afford. That's the only issue.

I agree, but the sister wasn't paying anything.

limitedperiodonly · 13/06/2017 15:41

I said she should. I also suspect that the people running the project will deal with her if they think she is taking advantage of them. Just because they are Christians doesn't mean that they can't stand up for themselves or others

limitedperiodonly · 13/06/2017 15:42

If it was my sister I'd just tell her straight up that it's supposed to be for people who can't afford food.

It's not.

Hmmalittlefishy · 13/06/2017 15:53

It's fare share not a food bank. Ops sister isn't doing anything wrong by using the service at all. What she is doing wrong is not donating some money to enable it to continue

chinlop · 13/06/2017 15:55

Okay limitedperiodonly how about this:

If it was my sister I'd just tell her straight up that she should pay or donate as she is able to.

paxillin · 13/06/2017 15:56

And when your sister keeps gushing and sharing links (presumably on social media) nobody said- "Are you eating the free food without donating?"? She must look really greedy and depraved on her FB or wherever she shares this!

It is called "FareShare" not "GrabGreed".

limitedperiodonly · 13/06/2017 16:07

I think that's a great idea chinlop. I think that's what lots of us have said to the OP.

The attitudes on this thread are similar to the ones about council houses or about sharing tables in cafes or restaurants - that it is okay for the needy who have to do it but not something for the rest of us.

That's what these projects are trying to break down.

Foureyesarebetterthantwo · 13/06/2017 16:09

This is a bit like SureStart though, isn't it- SureStart wanted to target the neediest, lonelinest, hardest to reach mums and vulnerable children early in life to try to intervene. But they didn't want to stigmatise these groups, so they made everything very inclusive and welcoming to everyone, there's also the argument that it's better if everyone mixes in together. However, what happened in many areas was that the great facilities and classes got filled up with more advantaged mums who were grateful to be included at a difficult time of new motherhood, and unfortunately the very vulnerable/disengaged stayed away. The schemes were not judged a success in the end, perhaps because they didn't do a good job of enticing in the 'hard to reach' groups.

Were the more advantaged mums who went along to the SureStart centres, joined in playdays and so on wrong to join in? I don't think so, because the schemes just weren't prepared to specify who these services were for and they looked like they were for the whole community. This pop up don't waste food initiative seems similar.

If your sister was posing as a disadvantaged person at the food bank, or crying on the GP about her lack of finances, that would be wrong. But I don't think she's necessarily wrong about interpreting these as community initiatives to reduce waste if that's what they say they are on this occasion.

paxillin · 13/06/2017 16:12

I think the word is "share". FareShare. People are often accused of virtue signalling, but OP's sister is clearly vice-signalling in public.

SaucyJack · 13/06/2017 16:16

I completely agree with you limited and lougle. It's a real shame to see some of the inverse snobbery on this thread. I bet half of them would rather the food went to landfill than benefitted someone like the OP's sister just out of spite.

I've volunteered in a vegan food project that uses FareShare for a number of years now. People from all walks of life benefit from it- not just those on low incomes. It's wonderful for the environment and the community.

But obviously- she could stick a couple of quid in the box on the way out just to pay the karma forward.

metspengler · 13/06/2017 16:16

One thing.

Is it possible the other party is in more need than she is letting on?

Plenty of people who should be well off are struggling these days for all sorts of reasons, and plenty of people keep it to themselves and/or feel stigmatized about it.

Perhaps on second thoughts you ought to NOT challenge her behaviour, just in case.

DistanceCall · 13/06/2017 17:17

If more people from all walks of life used TRJFP in their every day lives, not every day, but even once per week, or once per fortnight, then it wouldn't be seen as a 'thing to do when money is tight' but as a 'thing you do' and she wouldn't feel like going there would be noticed.

FFS.

Original poster
EssieTregowan · 13/06/2017 17:19

Definitely not in need. She's just booked a week in Centre Parks in the summer holidays.

Anyway, it's all sorted. I'm going to donate, and I'm going to urge my sister to.

OP posts:
witsender · 13/06/2017 18:36

We have a lot of similar projects near us, and while they do help those in need as a happy side effect that is not their sole purpose. They are there to try to reduce food waste, and anyone can go along.

RudeDog · 13/06/2017 18:50

My church (where DD did activities) used to force us to take food. They weren't a food bank but helped the poor - however that's because they didn't know what they were going to get and some of it just needed eating asap!

zukiecat · 13/06/2017 19:14

Witsender

I just meant that maybe the Tories might try and find a way to abolish them

I don't know if they could, forgive me my ignorance

zukiecat · 13/06/2017 19:22

I need a food bank just now, but as I get paid on Friday I won't ask to be referred as I can get a delivery then

By the time I got a referral I'll have been paid anyway and won't need it

There's always someone worse off than me, and I don't want to take food when I only have a couple of days to go

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