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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to think I really shouldn't have to keep asking

107 replies

idontaskformuch · 13/06/2017 13:00

My OH has private medical insurance through his company. I met him 9 years ago. He was covered along with his kids. After 5 years and his daughter sneering that if I or my son got ill we wouldn't get the quality of care that she would, I asked OH if it would be possible to put myself and my son on the health insurance. He agreed and we were added to the policy.

18 months ago, I needed to have a colonoscopy. He offered for me to go privately, I declined and said I would go through the NHS. I had a horrendous experience and it had to be repeated. This time I asked OH if I could go privately and could he help me sort it out as I had no idea what the procedure was to arrange it all. He didn't help me and I had to muddle through sorting it out myself and feeling pretty stupid not knowing anything about the policy because it's through his firm and I have no paperwork at all. A few months after the procedure, I got an invoice from the hospital for around £500 this was apparently due to an excess on the policy. I asked OH why I had received it, he got angry, said I must have done something wrong but said he would deal with it and his firm would pay the bill and then claim it back from another insurance policy they have. I then got another reminder, I asked him again, he got angry with me again for causing him a problem but promised he would deal with it. 8 months later I get a final demand. This time I paid it and he said it was too late to get the money back from his firm who had another insurance policy for the excess payment. I expressed my disappointment that he hadn't dealt with it and was upset at his lack of support. I made it quite clear I didn't understand the situation and I was relying on his support - which he clearly hadn't given me.

I have recently had a sporting injury. Again, he has said "put it through the insurance" and told me that if they say there is an excess, say "that is fine and my firm will sort it". I have and again, I have received another bill. He has promised to sort it and again I have now had the second reminder. He told me to phone the hospital and insurers to ask what was going on. I did, while he was sat next to me and he gets angry that they were telling me what I had already told him. I have left the reminder sitting on the kitchen table because I really can't speak to him about it again. I think he's going to get angry with me and yet I have no idea why!

I should point out that his children have had countless procedures paid for by the insurance over the years and this evening, I am giving up a night out to go with him to a private doctors appointment. All of which, he seems to have sorted out with no problems or bills to pay at the end.

I am seriously thinking he is deliberately setting me up to fail by not giving me the correct information?!

I should point out that I never ask him for anything and I have brought up his kids day in and day out for years with not much help from him or their Mother. I don't mind and I work full time but surely when I ask for a bit of help and support, I shouldn't have to fight for it or be made to feel I have done something wrong?!

OP posts:
Clandestino · 13/06/2017 13:02

Why are you still with him?

Msqueen33 · 13/06/2017 13:03

Frankly he sounds horrible. And really quite mean. What's he like generally? I know a lot of men put stuff off but this isn't something that should have been left. What's your relationship like overall? Are you happy?

Loopytiles · 13/06/2017 13:08

That is horrible. He should have paid the £500 for a start.

You only need the policy detauls and insurer's name to get info about the insurance on the phone, eg what the excess is. As he has shown you can't rely on him I wouldn't book any further treatment unless you can afford the excess.

Slimthistime · 13/06/2017 13:10

yes he sounds like he is setting you up to fail
what a horrible mean man.

needmorebalance · 13/06/2017 13:11

Loopy - that's what I've decided.

But really if we are a family, how can it work that him and his have privileges that I don't?

I paid the £500 out of our joint account.

needmorebalance · 13/06/2017 13:12

And he's told me twice that any excess would be paid by his firm.

kaytee87 · 13/06/2017 13:24

Op you've had a name change fail.

It does sound like he's setting you up to fail. Sounds very nasty, what's the rest of your relationship like?

idontaskformuch · 13/06/2017 14:08

What's the rest of the relationship like?

Could be better, to be honest.

OP posts:
KeepingitReal2 · 13/06/2017 14:19

Hi
He sounds pretty bad
You call him your other half but are you actually married as I'm wondering if this is affecting the policy...

As others have said you need don't book anymore treatment unles you can afford the excess.

However, you need to look at your relationship on a whole and how you plan to take things further... do you have ny children together? What do you hope to achieve from this thread?

What I have learnt is if you have children it is better to be married... you need to protect yourself.

kaytee87 · 13/06/2017 14:27

Do you think it's worth saving op? If so then you need a long and honest chat to get to the bottom of why he is being this way towards you.

idontaskformuch · 13/06/2017 14:28

Hi keepingit

When I asked to go on the policy I specifically asked if it was possible as we aren't married.

He said he specifically asked and was told it made no difference at all and my son (not OH's) was also covered in exactly the same way as his children.

No we don't have children together.

From a legal point of view after two years of cohabiting you have a legal right to "marital" assets anyway - you don't need to be married. As we are both equally financially well off, it makes little difference anyway.

OP posts:
idontaskformuch · 13/06/2017 14:30

Kaytee,

I've already tried the chat. He just got angry with me, them reluctantly said he understood. Then let me go through the whole process again with the same outcome despite me specifically asking if I would end up with a bill again. I explained my side calmly. He doesn't want to hear me.

OP posts:
DoJo · 13/06/2017 14:32

From a legal point of view after two years of cohabiting you have a legal right to "marital" assets anyway - you don't need to be married.

Do you live in the UK? Because that is not the case here.

idontaskformuch · 13/06/2017 14:33

Yes I do live in the U.K. and a solicitor told me this whilst I was making my will

OP posts:
KeepingitReal2 · 13/06/2017 14:33

Ok that's great.. to be honest I'm not going to pretend to know the ins and outs of how these things work it was just a thought. As long as you are both equals in the relationship then that is what matters but I still do think he sounds horrid and I would be questioning the relationship.... also why does he get so "angry" all the time?

FavouriteWasteofSlime · 13/06/2017 14:34

From a legal point of view after two years of cohabiting you have a legal right to "marital" assets anyway - you don't need to be married

I'm not sure this is true (if I'm understanding correctly). There is no such thing as common law in the U.K.

Confused
KeepingitReal2 · 13/06/2017 14:36

I must admit I'm also sceptical about the two year thing... I say this as an unmarried quite well earning professional who did used to "co-habitate"

kaytee87 · 13/06/2017 14:38

From a legal point of view after two years of cohabiting you have a legal right to "marital" assets anyway - you don't need to be married. As we are both equally financially well off, it makes little difference anyway.

This isn't true but besides the point if you would have no financial problems upon separating and also have no children together.

What do you want to do op, are you happy to remain with the relationship the way it is? Would you oh be open to counselling? He seems to be holding onto some level of nastiness towards you.

idontaskformuch · 13/06/2017 14:38

Maybe it only applies in death then?

Like I say I was making my will and was told that my partner and his children could have a claim on my estate.

OP posts:
kaytee87 · 13/06/2017 14:40

Possibly...I would doubt it though. As far as I'm aware the only thing that gives you the legal protection of marriage is marriage. I'd get a second opinion if it's something you're worried about.

As you're unmarried his children are considered his next of kin.

idontaskformuch · 13/06/2017 14:40

We have had counselling. He told me yesterday he told someone what a great communicative relationship he thinks we have. 🙄

OP posts:
kaytee87 · 13/06/2017 14:41

Your partner could have a claim I suppose if it could be proved he had been paying towards bills in a house etc.

idontaskformuch · 13/06/2017 14:41

Basically he always shuts me down when I try and talk to him. I rarely try now as I find it so upsetting.

OP posts:
Slimthistime · 13/06/2017 14:42

blimey OP
you need to look up your legal rights
with a different solicitor!

anyway, you are probably seeing this insurance as the last straw for someone who is a complete wanker aren't you? Time to get rid.

kaytee87 · 13/06/2017 14:42

It sounds quite dispiriting op. Would some time apart help you both re-evaluate do you think?