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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to think I really shouldn't have to keep asking

107 replies

idontaskformuch · 13/06/2017 13:00

My OH has private medical insurance through his company. I met him 9 years ago. He was covered along with his kids. After 5 years and his daughter sneering that if I or my son got ill we wouldn't get the quality of care that she would, I asked OH if it would be possible to put myself and my son on the health insurance. He agreed and we were added to the policy.

18 months ago, I needed to have a colonoscopy. He offered for me to go privately, I declined and said I would go through the NHS. I had a horrendous experience and it had to be repeated. This time I asked OH if I could go privately and could he help me sort it out as I had no idea what the procedure was to arrange it all. He didn't help me and I had to muddle through sorting it out myself and feeling pretty stupid not knowing anything about the policy because it's through his firm and I have no paperwork at all. A few months after the procedure, I got an invoice from the hospital for around £500 this was apparently due to an excess on the policy. I asked OH why I had received it, he got angry, said I must have done something wrong but said he would deal with it and his firm would pay the bill and then claim it back from another insurance policy they have. I then got another reminder, I asked him again, he got angry with me again for causing him a problem but promised he would deal with it. 8 months later I get a final demand. This time I paid it and he said it was too late to get the money back from his firm who had another insurance policy for the excess payment. I expressed my disappointment that he hadn't dealt with it and was upset at his lack of support. I made it quite clear I didn't understand the situation and I was relying on his support - which he clearly hadn't given me.

I have recently had a sporting injury. Again, he has said "put it through the insurance" and told me that if they say there is an excess, say "that is fine and my firm will sort it". I have and again, I have received another bill. He has promised to sort it and again I have now had the second reminder. He told me to phone the hospital and insurers to ask what was going on. I did, while he was sat next to me and he gets angry that they were telling me what I had already told him. I have left the reminder sitting on the kitchen table because I really can't speak to him about it again. I think he's going to get angry with me and yet I have no idea why!

I should point out that his children have had countless procedures paid for by the insurance over the years and this evening, I am giving up a night out to go with him to a private doctors appointment. All of which, he seems to have sorted out with no problems or bills to pay at the end.

I am seriously thinking he is deliberately setting me up to fail by not giving me the correct information?!

I should point out that I never ask him for anything and I have brought up his kids day in and day out for years with not much help from him or their Mother. I don't mind and I work full time but surely when I ask for a bit of help and support, I shouldn't have to fight for it or be made to feel I have done something wrong?!

OP posts:
idontaskformuch · 20/06/2017 12:03

An update:

We have had a conversation and I explained how upsetting I found it that it wouldn't help me.

He has apologised but not before telling me that I am making a "fuss over nothing". I am told this whenever I bring anything up that I feel is wrong with our relationship without fail. He told me that it was just another work chore for him to sort out and he's been busy etc and he gave me the original policy number so I should be glad I got the healthcare sorted because that's the main thing. I pointed out that I could have received a CCJ for the unpaid debts and he is well aware I am not someone to just ignore bills (neither is he for his own bills!). He's had plenty of time for sorting other things though, which I pointed out.

I told him his boss was really helpful and I understand the whole process now rather than being expected to keep phoning the first insurance company because I had done "something wrong". He has said the system has changed and is different to all the times he has claimed for his kids and himself. He then had to admit that he has actually gone through the exact paperwork procedure I am going through albeit with a different second insurance company. So he did understand the process but chose not to tell me.

OP posts:
mygorgeousmilo · 20/06/2017 12:13

So it's now absolutely clear to you that he knew but chose not to tell you, and has apologised while blaming you. Did I get that right??

idontaskformuch · 20/06/2017 12:23

I think he hadn't looked into the new second insurance company, so wasn't entirely sure. However, he didn't tell me that. He told me I had done something wrong and told me I needed to phone the first insurers despite knowing there was an excess.

I don't buy it.

At worst, he was just lazy and couldn't be arsed to look into it.

At best he was being quite controlling.

OP posts:
idontaskformuch · 20/06/2017 12:26

And yes he always blames me whenever I bring anything up. I might get a "sorry" but it's always after he tells me that if I hadn't done x y or z, then he wouldn't have made his "mistake".

I was prepared after the last time. I am very clear on how I worded things to him this time.

OP posts:
BitOutOfPractice · 20/06/2017 12:30

He has apologised but not before telling me that I am making a "fuss over nothing".

I find that denying and minimising of your legitimate feelings to be extremely infuriating. And possibly abusive.

TheLegendOfBeans · 20/06/2017 12:33

Either way the outcome is as suspected; he's a prick who neither respects you nor values you.

Again, he should've felt black burning shame about his DP having to phone his boss I know it's a side point but still. He doesn't give a shit.

In conclusion: prick.

redexpat · 20/06/2017 22:01

I think you deserve someone who is nice to you and doesnt minimise your feelings.

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