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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU about parent friend who told DD 'why all the children at school don't like her'.

139 replies

windygallows · 12/06/2017 21:54

Friend/parent from school were recently together with our 10 year old DCs; her DD is at school with my DD. Friend was talking about a particular tricky experience and my DD chimed in to talk about a similar experience she'd had. DD was just trying to add to the conversation but probably was trying to put a bit of the focus on her - she is just young so doesn't always understand reciprocity in conversations.

Friend/parent turned to DD and said 'You need to stop doing that. When you butt in and turn someone else's story into your story, you discount them and what they were saying. You do this all the time and this is why the children at school don't like you.'

DD welled up and turned away while I sat there gobsmacked. Clearly the parent had learned from her own child that this was something my DD does that is problematic, but I'm pretty sure 'all the children at school' don't dislike her. More importantly if this is an issue it's not really for a 50 year old woman to tell my DD; a quiet word with me would have been better so I could raise it with my DD. I can't imagine ever saying anything similar to her child. That sort of thing really stings.

Days later I'm still fuming about it. AIBU to be so cross about this? or should I just let it go.

OP posts:
Original poster
windygallows · 12/06/2017 22:08

Hi all - I was actually so shocked at what this woman said to my DD that I gathered my DC and left - I didn't want a confrontation only because I didn't want to continue the conversation in front of my DC.... I could see that the parent probably would have wanted to explain herself further and upsetting DD more by doing so.

I was surprised by the viciousness with which she relayed secret information about what classmates thought about my DD (why a grown woman is interested in these things, who knows - I certainly don't talk to my DD about her friends and their behaviour). Just weird.

OP posts:
Calyrical · 12/06/2017 22:10

It's understandable you were too shocked to say anything there and then.

I think you need to talk to your DD asap, though Flowers

KarlosKKrinkelbeim · 12/06/2017 22:12

I would tell this foul woman that you will no longer be in contact with her because she was vile. Then you can tell dd that she need not worry, she will not have to be in contact with this person again, as you have cut off contact with her because she was very wrong to say what she said. That way dd will understand that you think the woman was in the wrong and not her.
Poor wee soul.

QueenofEsgaroth · 12/06/2017 22:12

Unfuckingbelievable!

Time to explain to DD that some people are just utter wankers. Usually because they are cowardly bullies etc avoid avoid avoid.

Any further contact request from this family to be met with "I don't fucking think so!"

notanevilstepmother · 12/06/2017 22:12

I think if it was me I'd say something to DD along the lines of isn't it odd that that grown up thought it was ok to be really rude to you, I can't believe she would tell a child that they are rude when she is sooo rude herself and she is old enough to know better.

Original poster
windygallows · 12/06/2017 22:13

And thanks everyone for agreeing that that was a fucked up thing to do. I've been simmering for days about it and won't be in touch with friend/parent again.

OP posts:
HangingRock · 12/06/2017 22:13

Please say something. Such a nasty thing to have said. Please also reassure your dd and explain the woman is nasty and she didn't deserve that. Maybe explain what happened to the teacher too so they can keep an eye on the relationships within the class

ohfourfoxache · 12/06/2017 22:13

What a bitch Shock

I wouldn't spend another moment in her company tbh

KarlosKKrinkelbeim · 12/06/2017 22:15

Yes defo speak to teacher.
I would be telling this vile person what you think in no uncertain terms and make sure dd knows you have. She will remember that you have stuck up for her

missyB1 · 12/06/2017 22:15

Please contact this arrogant nasty cow and tell her very bloody firmly that she was totally in the wrong. Shame her good and proper and advise her that she should apologise to your dd.

mrsglowglow · 12/06/2017 22:17

Oh that is so nasty and a totally inappropriate way for an adult to talk to a 10 year old child. I can't believe the behaviour of some gown up people. This makes me so angry. I hope you find the strength to somehow let her know how out of order she is.

user1496604328 · 12/06/2017 22:18

Agree with KarlosKKrinkelbeim and HangingRock

ArgyMargy · 12/06/2017 22:18

How annoying. I know adults who do this and clearly no-one ever told them it's annoying.

LorLorr2 · 12/06/2017 22:20

Have you thought of taking her aside and telling her the way she spoke was out of order and that it's not hers or anyone else's place to say something so awful to a child?

Beeziekn33ze · 12/06/2017 22:22

YADNBU! Horrible woman, poor DD.

ChasedByBees · 12/06/2017 22:24

I hope you reassured your DD?

hushlittlepuppy · 12/06/2017 22:24

Completely out of order.

Unbelievable. The other mum is a bully.

Original poster
windygallows · 12/06/2017 22:25

Lor I will tell her the next time I see her, I just want to be rational about it and not get so heated. I consider her a friend but am not going to go out of my way to see her now. It's part of her general narrative that pretty much goes like her DD is perfect, mine less so.

OP posts:
buckeejit · 12/06/2017 22:26

Oh no, sorry your dd had to hear that. I'd be expecting an apology but ask her to write it as you don't trust her to talk to your dd again. Sadly I think you might need to explain why she was BU as it sounds like she thinks she was doing her some kind of favour by dishing out her advice 😰

becausebecausebecause · 12/06/2017 22:26

She shouldn't have done that to your DD but I do wonder if her fuse was just very short from it happening repeatedly? You say your dd was probably trying to put the focus on herself, perhaps this is something others have tired of waiting for you to address?

Tinseleverywhere · 12/06/2017 22:31

That sounds like the sort of nasty thing some abusive mothers say to their own children.

Crumbs1 · 12/06/2017 22:34

The bit about nobody at school liking her was unnecessary and unkind. I assume she does have good friends at school?

The bit about not butting in and wanting to be the centre of attention sounds reasonable to me. Ten is plenty old enough to understand social norms in conversation- and if they don't they need to learn.

BewareOfDragons · 12/06/2017 22:35

I would be prepared to say something the next time she wonders why your DD doesn't want to come round any more, or have her DD round, etc Just an idea of what you will say ... she was out of line and I don't blame you or your DD for not wanting to spend time with either of them any more.

user1andonly · 12/06/2017 22:35

It can be very frustrating when people butt in with their own story without listening, but there was no need for her to be so nasty.

I do think it's important to teach children to listen (it will win them friends) but a simple 'wait a minute Susie, let Jane finish what she's saying first' would have been plenty.

Ten year olds butt in on each other all the time though - my dd is 17 and if I give her and her friends a lift somewhere, they will all be jabbering away and barely listening to a word each other says! - so I doubt anyone at school dislikes her for it!

Allabitmuchisntit · 12/06/2017 22:37

You should go out of your way NOT to see this insufferable bitch!!!
How bloody dare she! Angry for you and your dd. You absolutely must tell her to fuck the fuck off to fuck. And then some.
Jesus some people.

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