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To ask for a hand hold for the next 2 weeks...

139 replies

user1490817986 · 11/06/2017 10:48

Some of you read about my Sainsburys victory the other day (yay!). As some may know, I have autism (high functioning) and depend a lot on my mum, who I see every day.

Today she is going on holiday for 2 weeks, and I'll only have her at the end of the phone, with just Toby the cat for company, and my manchild older brother who doesn't believe I have autism. He will be staying at my mum's house which is a 20 min walk from my flat.

I'm panicking already. I see her everyday, I struggle some days with terrible clinical depression and anxiety, and I don't know how I'm going to cope without her. I have some of my weekly groups to go to (art class, coffee groups) but I still have weekends and evenings/mornings where my anxiety can be worse.

Can I ask for a virtual handhold from someone to get me through the next 2 weeks? I'm going to make a list/routine of things I can do everyday to help me.

OP posts:
SantasLittleMonkeyButler · 19/06/2017 10:31

Hi! I'm glad you had a nice weekend Smile.

Are you coping OK with the heat, if heat affects you? My DS1 has been struggling with it.

I hope your group goes well this morning.

2017SoFarSoGood · 19/06/2017 20:42

Hi Toby hope you had a good group meeting today. You are doing so well. Your mum won't be able to fathom all you've accomplished. What a nice surprise it shall be fore her! Keep it up. You are doing so well!


SingaSong12 · 19/06/2017 20:59

Hi Toby
Hope you had a good day.
Just catching up with this thread and I think you are doing really well. I rely a lot on my parents for practical help and support. i think breaking things down into small chunks is a really good idea - think I'll try using it as well. Smile

Foslady · 20/06/2017 07:39

Toby so you realise that today you are on day 10? That's double figures!!! Isn't that great? I really hope yesterday went well for you - and you are coping in the heat. It's cooled down considerably where I live but in typical British style I'm quite happy about it!
How's the jigsaw going?

Tobythecat · 20/06/2017 15:15

Thank you all Grin The 10 days has gone pretty quickly. Plus I've coped better than I thought I would!

The group went great, we went for lunch and I went to Tesco with one of the women in the group as she can't go in there alone. It was way too hot though - I was almost in tears of frustration last night as I had a thumping headache(because of the heat) and i was so hot I just couldn't get comfortable. I went from bed, to sofa, back to bed again. It's so warm in my flat too. I've had a cool bath which really helped but i'm boiling again now after doing a few things.

Hate this weather so much, it's so uncomfortable. My brother is taking me shopping later to get some food - I hope it's cooled down by then.

I've got my art group tomorrow, I will let you know how that goes!

Wolfiefan · 20/06/2017 15:54

Enjoy your art group. You have coped brilliantly.

WizardOfToss · 20/06/2017 21:06

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Tobythecat · 21/06/2017 09:21

No art group today sadly. The lady who teaches the group isn't well again. I'm going to do some painting I think and sit out the back with a book.
I went shopping yesterday as I need to pick up some cat food and stuff for myself.Toby the cat was so happy with his M&S trout and salmon cat food this morning. He was making sex noises as he was eating it Grin I've never seen him eat so fast!

Queenofthestress · 21/06/2017 09:30

Should have treated yourself too for doing so well Toby! You're doing fantastic! Grin

Foslady · 21/06/2017 11:41

Hahaha - typical cat!!!

I think treating you is a great idea too - you deserve one after coping so brilliantly - for you (sorry they're only virtual!) CakeFlowersWine

Tobythecat · 22/06/2017 09:57

What a shit start to the day.

I stayed over my mum's for company (my brother lives there) last night. He gives me a lift from my flat to my mums on his way home from work.
For the lifts, I hep him out by washing his clothes, putting them out on the line, making him dinner/cups of tea.

I was supposed to be catching the bus at 9am to meet my mentor in town, but as I was waiting for my brother to get ready, he sprung it on me that he couldn't give me a lift because he was late for work. I begged him but he said no (it's 3 minutes out of his way). It was 8.40 by now and i had to go back to the flat (20min walk) to feet my cat.

I was crying to myself because the roads are very busy at this time with people doing school runs and rushing to get to work. I struggle to cross busy roads and there was cars coming in both directions so fast with not enough gap for me to cross. I use the crossings where possible but I had to cross the main road by myself. Then realised that the pavement on BOTH sides of the main road had been blocked off because the workmen are resurfacing the pavements, so I had to walk in the busy road which was scary.

I had to cancel meeting my mentor because I had not only missed my bus, but I was so overwhelmed that I just couldn't face going to get the bus and have to walk back onto the road again.

I phoned my mum in tears, told her what had happened. She rang my brother and they argued, then my brother just asked me why I told her, because it made them argue. He just told me I could stay on my own for the next 4 days until she gets back. He told me if I apologised and promised to not blab to my mum again he would give me lifts, so I've apologised to him.

I feel like a helpless child. I'm an intelligent grown woman but I just can't cope with everyday life.

JugglingMummyof2 · 22/06/2017 10:21

Hi Toby. I am seeing your thread for the first time this morning and am amazed at all the really positive things you have already achieved. Do not let one bump in the road, which wasn't even caused by you, upset you. You are doing so well.

Queenofthestress · 22/06/2017 16:12

If you need to talk to someone were always here :) him saying last minute that he couldn't give you a lift was awful, you're not a helpless child at all, you must struggle with some bits and that's okay, I've been doing hospital appointments routinely for DS for 3 years now and I still need my mum to go with me and that's fine too

If something upset you, then you should talk to your mum that's what she's there for, to help you and support you since your brother hasn't today

You've done so well so far, just 4 days to go! One hiccup in 10 days is nothing to be ashamed of, remember how worried you were at the start but now look at you, you've done it and been okay! Be proud of yourself Grin

Queenofthestress · 22/06/2017 16:12

*just struggle

Stuffofawesome · 22/06/2017 16:57

Hang in there Toby. He sprung a last minute change of plan on you that made your day really difficult. But you're nearly through it. It's okay to retreat and hunker down for a bit when things are overwhelming. You can be really proud of yourself for how you have got on.

2017SoFarSoGood · 22/06/2017 17:09

hi Toby. Don't let today get you down. Pick yourself up, dust yourself off and start again (you can sing that bit if you like) Grin

We all get set-backs. Don't let this put you off. It is just one thing. You are doing/have done an incredible job being an intelligent grown woman. That is still true.

Tomorrow is another day. We're all here cheering you on Flowers

Foslady · 22/06/2017 18:49

Hi there Toby - for what it's worth I think you have done brilliantly. Your brother aping a very last minute change of plan when he knows this causes you issues but you didn't just crumble and let it crush you - you thought of a plan b, you faced things that set off your stress patterns and still you coped. When you got home you assessed the situation again and realised that seeing the mentor was not possible today - so another big plus in the coping column. And your brother's reaction just shows you that he knows that he was wrong for what he did, and he deserved the telling off!

So easy as it is to write yesterday off as a disaster, I actually think it was a success - and even though at the time it felt like you weren't coping, I hope looking back at it from a different angle - you blasted yesterday [ridiculously inappropriate high 5 emocon!]

Tobythecat · 22/06/2017 19:23

Thank you for all your support and kind messages - reading them is the highlight of my day.

My brother came to pick me up on his way home from work as usual, but I'd been trying to get the cat in for an hour and couldn't find him. I kept going back out with treats but no sign of him. My brother turned up and i told him about it and he said ""so, just leave him out until tomorrow". He doesn't care about animals. I've never let my cat out overnight as I'd be worried he would get run over. My brother drove off in a temper, and I was feeling so overwhelmed at everything today and no my cat was missing so i started crying, rang my mum and told her what had happened.

I rang my brother and begged him to pick me up in an hour or so because the cat may be in by then. He said he'd pick me up in an hour.
I opened the door again and then the cat ran in! I called him a furry bastard because I was so angry.

My mum sent my brother some links about autism so I think he has been reading those. I'm back at my mums now, just put my brothers washing on the line and made him dinner. My M&S Mousakka is in the oven.

My brother even said I could have his jaffa cakes so I think he feels bad because he made me cry twice today.

Also, in my mad rush to get home this morning i left out a pot of coleslaw at about 8.30am. Will it still be ok to eat? It's been left out for about 10 hours.

Stuffofawesome · 22/06/2017 19:28

Your brother is lucky to have you make his tea. Shame he was so impatient today but hopefully he will understand a bit more if he reads about it.

Adarajames · 22/06/2017 20:10

If you've not yet eaten, then no, I probably wouldn't eat it after that long out in this hot weather, unless you're somewhere lots cooler than London.
Doing great, be rightfully proud of yourself Smile

Wolfiefan · 22/06/2017 20:30

I wouldn't eat it if it's been out of the fridge in hot weather.
Cats are furry bastards. They catch things they shouldn't. Stay out when you want them in and try and escape when you get them in!
You walked IN the busy road? When normally you don't even like crossing them? That's an amazing achievement. Well done.
You're doing really well. You really are.

Tobythecat · 23/06/2017 20:38

Hi all. Thanks for the advice about the coleslaw, I threw it!

Not done much today. I started another jigsaw (one of Genoa in Italy) and did a new design on my nails. Also had lovely cuddles with Toby.

My brother picked me up (it's so nice to get out of the flat) and I've ordered us Dominos. I did ask my brother if he would watch tv with me whilst we eat our pizza and he said no. He is obsessed with video games and as soon as he gets in from work he plays games until 2 or 3am.

To ask for a hand hold for the next 2 weeks...
To ask for a hand hold for the next 2 weeks...
To ask for a hand hold for the next 2 weeks...
Foslady · 23/06/2017 20:48

Wow - they look really pretty, you are really good at doing nails, have you trained up in it?

I'm watching Glastonbury whilst putting off ironing, do you plan to watch any?

Foslady · 23/06/2017 20:50

And Toby's soooo cute!!! I love black cats that look like they have Batman masks on!!!

Wolfiefan · 23/06/2017 20:57

Your nails look really pretty. Lovely and summery.

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