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To ask for a hand hold for the next 2 weeks...

139 replies

user1490817986 · 11/06/2017 10:48

Some of you read about my Sainsburys victory the other day (yay!). As some may know, I have autism (high functioning) and depend a lot on my mum, who I see every day.

Today she is going on holiday for 2 weeks, and I'll only have her at the end of the phone, with just Toby the cat for company, and my manchild older brother who doesn't believe I have autism. He will be staying at my mum's house which is a 20 min walk from my flat.

I'm panicking already. I see her everyday, I struggle some days with terrible clinical depression and anxiety, and I don't know how I'm going to cope without her. I have some of my weekly groups to go to (art class, coffee groups) but I still have weekends and evenings/mornings where my anxiety can be worse.

Can I ask for a virtual handhold from someone to get me through the next 2 weeks? I'm going to make a list/routine of things I can do everyday to help me.

OP posts:
araiwa · 11/06/2017 10:52

here- i hope it helps. you can do it

To ask for a hand hold for the next 2 weeks...
Stuffofawesome · 11/06/2017 10:54

You've got this bet you are stronger than you feel right now.

NeedMoreSleepOrSugar · 11/06/2017 10:55

There'll always be someone here to chat if you need it. The list sounds like a good idea. Has your mum gone away before - if so, what helped and what was difficult? Thinking about that, and the fact that you managed without her, should hopefully help you this time Flowers

WizardOfToss · 11/06/2017 10:55

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SantasLittleMonkeyButler · 11/06/2017 11:08

Making a list is a good idea, it'll help to pass the days if you have set goals to achieve.

My DS1 (almost 20) also has high functioning ASD & I am leaving him in a few weeks' time to go on holiday. I've left him before for a few days, long weekends etc. but it'll be the first time he's been alone for longer than that. My DB is 20 minutes away in an emergency and we have lovely neighbours who DS1 knows and feels comfortable with if he needs any practical help. And of course, I'll be on the end of a phone, but I do still worry a bit about it all.

He was given the chance to come on the holiday but really didn't want to as he prefers the UK climate (wet & windy) and really struggled with the humidity last time we went abroad 2 years' ago. He's confident he'll be fine, so I sincerely hope he will be Smile.

We're busy trying to make DS1 a list of things he needs to do/could do to pass the days. He will take the bus into the nearest town on his own (he does this when I am at home anyway), so can get out & about and do bits of shopping. He's planning to go out every other day (except for Sunday's as the buses are few and far between) which I think will be good for him. He'll only be going in to town but feels better for having done so - unless he's having an especially bad day. Will you be going out at all OP? Do you feel OK to go out shopping without your DM?

And of course, I'll be happy to have an MN chat should you need one Smile.

SantasLittleMonkeyButler · 11/06/2017 11:17

Also, I have signed up for Royal Mail Keepsafe - so that no post will be arriving while I am away.

Since DS1 turned 18 he's had various marketing communications from credit card companies, banks etc. etc., and sometimes the way they are worded makes him think that they are asking him for money (when they break down what your APR would be, what your monthly payments would be etc. etc.) and it has caused a mini meltdown on a couple of occasions. DS1 is a very clever young man (currently studying a degree course via distance learning) - but little things like that can really panic him. Likewise, if something arrived for me that he thought looked "official" (bank statement, rent statement etc.) he might panic that it shouldn't be waiting until I got home. He wouldn't open my mail of course, but he would sit looking at the envelope worrying about the potential contents. I'm just trying to think of every little thing and solve the problems before they happen IFSWIM. Is there anything you can think of that might be a problem, that you could try to pre-empt?

SantasLittleMonkeyButler · 11/06/2017 11:18


user1490817986 · 11/06/2017 15:36

Thank you all so much. I've been trying to keep myself busy and I'm feeling ok right now!

I have a letter to post tomorrow and I need to top up my gas/electric. I also have a food blog so that keeps me busy too.

Needmore Thank you! She has been away before but I somehow coped although I was a wreck and had lots of panic attacks throughout the evening/night. I've been learning a lot about buddhism the past year, and I have learned some brilliant tools, they just take a huge amount of practice. Watching thoughts and feelings/sensations as momentary and not identifying with them, I am the subject watching the object (object being thoughts/feelings/the mind).

Santaslittlemonkey I love your username! Thanks so much for your post. My mum offered for me to go but I really don't like the heat either so I decided not to.

I get the bus to go to my groups and to meet my mentor, so that's twice a week. I plan on going to the little Sainsbury's near me to pick up some food again. Does your son study with the OU? I studied with them and graduated last year. I wouldn't have been able to cope with 'normal' uni.

Thanks for all your support Smile

OP posts:
Dawndonnaagain · 11/06/2017 15:45

Get yourself on some of the night owl threads too, so that you have someone if you're unable to sleep. I have an ASC and I find white noise very useful at night for soothing anxiety. I use a sounds of the sea thing on youtube, it's just waves crashing, but it helps. There are lots of these on you tube, rain, wind, storms etc. You may find one that helps soothe.

Stuffofawesome · 11/06/2017 16:28 might help with mindfulness. free app. also lots of relaxation stuff on youtube. If you fancy finding something to concentrate on try futurelearn website. all sorts of free online courses there.

SantasLittleMonkeyButler · 11/06/2017 16:48

Yes, he's with the OU Smile.

He did do a year at college after school but found the whole environment too overwhelming for him. Too many people everywhere Smile. He enjoyed the IT course though, so is now studying BSc IT & Computing.

WizardOfToss · 11/06/2017 22:35

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Papafran · 11/06/2017 22:41

You can do it! I hope you have had a good day today. Have you tried yoga? There are some good videos on youtube that you can do in the privacy of your own home- Yoga With Adriene is great. She is lovely and does a video called 'yoga for anxiety' which I do sometimes. I thought you might like it as you said you were interested in Buddhism. I have anxiety and depression too.

user1490817986 · 12/06/2017 11:14

I just walked back to my flat and almost got reversed over. I'm terrible at crossing roads as I get sensory/visual overload, but some twat reversing out of his driveway almost flattened me. I was walking past the road and saw him getting in his car and putting the engine on so i stopped and waited for him to reverse. He wasn't moving so I assumed he'd already seen me and was waiting for me to go past. As I started to go past he decided to reverse into the road and i swerved to avoid him.

I'ts knocked my confidence now and I don't know if I was in the wrong. I can't even keep myself safe Sad

OP posts:
WizardOfToss · 12/06/2017 12:16

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WizardOfToss · 12/06/2017 12:17

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Dawndonnaagain · 12/06/2017 12:20

You are safe. You are home now. These things are called accidents because that's what they are. They can happen to anyone. But, most importantly, you're fine. You thought he was waiting for you, and he probably thought you were waiting for him and you both changed your minds in the same instant. Coincidence. Flowers

ChazsBrilliantAttitude · 12/06/2017 12:26

The car reversing thing is a common mistake that we all make. The driver should check carefully before moving the car out of their drive as they are crossing the pavement. Technically it is the driver's fault not yours as you have right of way.

Don't let it dent your confidence. It is not an ASD issue, its an everyone issue as NT have the same thing happen.

ChazsBrilliantAttitude · 12/06/2017 12:32

Sorry an additional thought

If you are anxious already, then every little thing can be magnified as a bigger issue than it really is. As a pedestrian who walks a lot in a big city I would say that I come across bad driving, thoughtlessness and misunderstanding as to who is moving first, every week. If it is my fault I might wave an apologetic hand, if it is the driver's fault they may do the same and that is the end of it; I give it no further thought.

user1490817986 · 13/06/2017 16:38

Thank you so much for your support. I went to a coffee morning today so it was nice to get out of the flat. I also popped into the little Sainsburys to do some shopping while my brother sat in the car.

No groups tomorrow my art teacher is unwell so no art tomorrow. I will post a letter and keep myself busy with my 1000 piece jigsaw!

OP posts:
GnusSitOnCanoes · 13/06/2017 18:02

How goes the jigsaw puzzle user? Hope you've had a good day. Flowers

Foslady · 13/06/2017 18:03

User it sounds like you are doing really well - and be really proud of yourself for coping with the driver who didn't see you, it's great that you have planned so much in to fill your time and two days have gone just like that!.

I'm being nosey (love a good jigsaw!) - what's on it?

user1490817986 · 13/06/2017 18:06

Thank you! I've surprised myself with coping for 2 days already!

It's a Disney jigsaw (big Disney fan) that I picked up from a charity shop for £1.99 Grin

OP posts:
Foslady · 13/06/2017 18:08


I look forward to hearing how it's going!

user1490817986 · 13/06/2017 18:20

My brother is also being nice to me which is great!

OP posts:
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