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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be irrationally upset by DH's vote.

607 replies

brotherhoodofspam · 08/06/2017 17:20

Just found out that DH has voted Tory for the 2nd time now. He's doing it tactically as hates SNP but I'd already pointed out to him this morning that labour came 2nd here last time. I know it's stupid but I feel really upset about this. I always thought we had a similar world view and I hate the thought that he's done the whole cliche of turning from a left wing student into a right wing middle class professional. He's really angry with me now for the way I reacted but I wouldn't be the person be married if I just said. " that's nice dear". Just now I'm feeling pretty disgusted with him though. AIBU?

OP posts:
NataliaOsipova · 08/06/2017 18:54

Just because someone has the democratic right to do something doesn't mean you aren't allowed to hold an opinion on it

I agree with this. But it doesn't mean that that opinion is informed. Or that anyone else needs to take it into consideration.

CivQueen · 08/06/2017 18:54

If only all opinion was informed Grin

chinlop · 08/06/2017 18:55

What if OP had said she was upset because her husband voted BNP because he hates foreigners. Would everyone still be crying out about how "he's entitled to his views and you must never be upset about them!"?

I doubt it.

hackmum · 08/06/2017 18:55

strawberygate: "You do realise that we live in a democracy and he can vote how the hell he wants."

One of many people on this thread who doesn't grasp the immensely simple fact that it's legal to do lots of things but that doesn't make them right or indeed endearing.

It's not, I'd have thought, a difficult concept, but apparently a lot of people struggle with it. No wonder we're going to end up once again with a government that gives to the rich and shafts the poor - and all the while the poor are yammering on about how they understand perfectly, because after all, there isn't a magic money tree.

Jesus wept.

PinkPeppers · 08/06/2017 18:55

Plus - at the end of the day, you vote for your local MP and not a party leader.

Sorry but I disagree with that.
Just like when voting for the senators in the US, people dont vote for a senator, they are voting for a president. And everyone knows that.

If we were only voting for a local MP, there would no need at all to have some national campaign....

BertrandRussell · 08/06/2017 18:55

"I voted Tory as Corbyn is a complete twat"

Please tell me that Tory values are the one closest to your own as well?

ElleMcElle · 08/06/2017 18:55

Not sure what I'd do if my DH started voting Conservative.

I've been all for "F**k the Tories" this election - but I've never meant it literally.

Grin
rocketman3 · 08/06/2017 18:56

I do not discuss politics with my idiotic leaver tory boyfriend for this exact reason. lalalalala i can't hear you darling. come back to me when you've read a newspaper that's not owned by murdoch 🙉

trixymalixy · 08/06/2017 18:56

YABU, as you say it's a tactical vote and he's not really voting with his heart meaning his values haven't changed.

bumblingbovine49 · 08/06/2017 18:57

Ynbu. Weirdly I was just thinking as I left the voting booth today that I would find it really difficult to have a romantic relationship with someone who vote d Tory. I would just struggle to find them attractive. I have Tory voting friends and really have no problem with that at all.

I have however never a been in long term romantic relationship with anyone who has voted conservative (two marriages and two long term live in relationships included in that.

Just never found myself in that position so not sure what to suggest but it would upset me too.

PuckeredAhole · 08/06/2017 18:57

I vote Conservative and dh votes Labour. We have a laugh with it to be honest!

PinkPeppers · 08/06/2017 18:57

What I have noticed though is that this campaign has made the rift in the country even bigger than it was after the referendum.

I'm now bracing myself to have (again) half of the country irrational angry at the other.
And for the winning side to ask the other to just accept anything and shut up just because they won.

Happy day indeed.

BertrandRussell · 08/06/2017 18:58

If dp and I were both Tories I would be concerned if he suddenly started voting Labour. It would mean he was a fundamentally different person to the one I have loved for 30 years. It's a massive change in world view that would bother me- not the actual specifics of the change.

NataliaOsipova · 08/06/2017 18:59

Plus - at the end of the day, you vote for your local MP and not a party leader.

Well - you do as a matter of fact. I've just been and ticked the box for the local candidate, not for one of the party leaders. I accept that many, probably most, people vote on national issues, but some people do support a particular local candidate and cast their vote because of that.

teapotter · 08/06/2017 19:00

If his vote was tactical then YABU. People vote for different reasons. For him the overriding issue this time is clearly independence - if you actually talk about the issues I'm sure you'll have lots of values and beliefs in common.

CivQueen · 08/06/2017 19:01

I've been all for "Fk the Tories" this election - but I've never meant it literally

Hilarious 😂

'Lets go again darling'

'Fuck off Linda, what do I look like, a magic cock tree?!'

waitforitfdear · 08/06/2017 19:01

Bertrand no they arnt but Corbyn and his team will bankrupt the country with this spending spree and then we will loose far more.

I was a Labour Party member and wanted Yvette. This isn't my Labour Party now it's momentum and it's dangerous and unpleasent.

You are being conned

peachgreen · 08/06/2017 19:02

I don't think you're being unreasonable. It's not like you voted Lib Dem and he voted Greens, you're at opposite ends of the spectrum politically and that's difficult. Sharing a similar social conscience with their partner is important to lots of people and I think many people would find this difficult.

I live in NI so it's a bit different for me but if my husband voted DUP I would be aghast and genuinely concerned that our values were no longer aligned.

LidlAngel · 08/06/2017 19:02

You're kinda BU but I understand where you're coming from. Me and my husband vote differently (him right me left) and we've now got it down to gentle piss taking. He's a nasty Tory, I'm a tree hugging lefty. Neither of us will change so it's not worth getting that het up over.

NataliaOsipova · 08/06/2017 19:02

If dp and I were both Tories I would be concerned if he suddenly started voting Labour. It would mean he was a fundamentally different person to the one I have loved for 30 years. It's a massive change in world view that would bother me- not the actual specifics of the change

Why does it have to represent some massive change in world view Bert? What if he were, say, a staunch Remainer in a marginal seat?

artycakemaker · 08/06/2017 19:03

During the referendum, my sister in law and her DH put up the following signs in their house. 'Vote Leave' (him) and 'Vote Remain' (her).

They also vote Tory (him) and usually Labour, but this time Lib Dem (her) - because of Corbyn.

Their marriage is just fine. Because they respect each other, and can have rational discussions about it withoutresorting to stereoptypes of thicko evil Tories Vs economically stupid Labourites.

THAT is civilised IMO.

waitforitfdear · 08/06/2017 19:03

chinlop

Are you seriously equating voting Tory with voting BNP? If so please take a grip from the box.

ShotsFired · 08/06/2017 19:04

I counselled a young person who was not sure how to vote, to also talk to people who lived through the Labour of the 70s and the Conservatives of the 80s, as I think they most closely represent JC and TMs parties today.

Cameron's Conservatives and New Labour are not useful comparators.

carjacker1985 · 08/06/2017 19:04

Sorry, can all the people calling the OP controlling point me to the part of her post where she says she's tried to tell her DH who to vote for?

Obv it's his right to vote however he chooses, YANBU to be upset about it. If I found out DH was a Tory I would see him completely differently, just like I would expect him to see me.

It's not "just a vote" or "just someone's opinion" if the Tories win people are quite literally going to die. If you don't believe that to be true then lucky you, you're not vulnerable. I'd be disappointed if my DH supported the Tories too.

deeedeee · 08/06/2017 19:05

I couldn't be married to a Tory.