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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be irrationally upset by DH's vote.

607 replies

brotherhoodofspam · 08/06/2017 17:20

Just found out that DH has voted Tory for the 2nd time now. He's doing it tactically as hates SNP but I'd already pointed out to him this morning that labour came 2nd here last time. I know it's stupid but I feel really upset about this. I always thought we had a similar world view and I hate the thought that he's done the whole cliche of turning from a left wing student into a right wing middle class professional. He's really angry with me now for the way I reacted but I wouldn't be the person be married if I just said. " that's nice dear". Just now I'm feeling pretty disgusted with him though. AIBU?

OP posts:
Ceto · 08/06/2017 18:19

You do realise that we live in a democracy and he can vote how the hell he wants

Silly thing to say. Obviously he can. OP is equally entitled to be upset about it.

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 08/06/2017 18:19

Discussing politics in the abstract is perfectly acceptable. And in case you didn't realise this is an anonymous forum. I have had discussions for years about politics with one of my close colleagues and we still don't know how the other votes.

As for my friends, they aren't as narrow minded and judgemental as a lot of people on here so we don't feel the need to get quite so hysterics about it Grin

PanGalaticGargleBlaster · 08/06/2017 18:20

LTB OP

It's the only choice you have.

Are you safe?

neveradullmoment99 · 08/06/2017 18:20

No. Divorce him. No excuse for voting Tory.

hambo · 08/06/2017 18:20

In Scotland, a vote for the Tories is a vote for the union, and many Scot are voting for Tories to show Nicola that they do not want a second Indy ref.

EJ1981 · 08/06/2017 18:20

I totally understand how you're feeling OP. Not only are you discovering that his values are different to yours, but the reason he's given doesn't make much sense, given that Labour came second last time, which would suggest to me that he doesn't want to tell you the real reason.

Politics is very important to me though. I had a few relationships early on in life where I was with people with very different political views, and it just didn't work and made me upset, so it's very important to me now that me and my partner's political views are aligned.

As evidenced from most of the responses to this post though, a lot of people don't feel the same about this, and perhaps your partner falls into that category? He may not understand what the big deal is.

If I were you I'd try and sit down and have a proper conversation with him about it and really listen to what he says and try not to get angry. I'm sure that he doesn't want to hurt you. If you find that his political views genuinely really are unaligned with your own, I guess you'll have to decide for yourself how important that is to you.

Good luck!

BertrandRussell · 08/06/2017 18:20

I would find it very difficult if my dp changed his world view on politics or religion or on any big issue. He would not be the same person I have loved for 30 years.

Surely most people would feel like that?

CivQueen · 08/06/2017 18:21

Yanbu, well not totally.

Of course it's a free country and he can vote how he wants, you are equally entitled to have feeling about that.

Dh is democratically entitled to go on a march against gay marriage.

That doesn't mean I can't ha e feeling about how that may mean we hold different beloved and values.

Bejazzled · 08/06/2017 18:21

Very U. I would hate my husband to try and tell me how to vote.

MamaSass · 08/06/2017 18:21

Yes I would be upset too. I have respect for others opinions and love a good debate. But when it comes to my husband part of why I'm with him is because we share a similar philosophy and outlook on life. We don't agree on everything by any means but we are both rooted in left wing values. If he drifted, I think I'd feel a bit betrayed, but I'd want to find out why and try to understand.

metspengler · 08/06/2017 18:22

What the fucking fuck are you all thinking to be telling her "It's a democracy and he can exercise his democratic right in any way he wants."?

Read this back to yourself.

You should know that in a democracy people who think like this are not the good guys. Even if they loudly shout at everyone that they are.

It IS a democracy, and he CAN exercise ihs democratic vote however he wants, and who we are to tell you is the electors in a free and democratic society.

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 08/06/2017 18:22

Of course, nobody really knows who someone else votes for unless they see the ballot paper Grin

hottotrotsky · 08/06/2017 18:23

YANBU.

Divorce the fecker.

ElleMcElle · 08/06/2017 18:23

Oh dear, OP... Does he actually agree with Tory policy, or was it just a tactical vote against SNP? Ie. do you now profoundly disagree politically, or is it just that you disagree about the best tactics to defeat SNP in your area?

However heated it all gets, most people are basically decent and want the same things - well funded NHS, good schools, stable economy etc - it's just that we disagree about the best way to get there. So maybe when you talk to him you could try to start from that common ground? And if you both hate SNP, you can at least bond over your common enemy!

CheeseQueen · 08/06/2017 18:23

When I was little I learned the phrase "never discuss politics with friends and family."
I think that's a stance we should all take due to the amount of hysterics/falling outs/sulking with partners that you see going on on FB and Mumsnet etc Smile

CheeseQueen · 08/06/2017 18:25

YANBU. Divorce the fecker.

I'm the opposite - I'm more of the opinion "divorce the fecker that tries to tell me what to do or how to think".
so that'd be the OP then

squoosh · 08/06/2017 18:27

A poster mentioned not knowing which party her partner voted for and vice versa. I'm all for not quizzing work colleagues on their party of choice but must admit I find it very strange that people extend this to their spouse.

Itsnotwhatitseems · 08/06/2017 18:28

what if he had used his vote for BNP

Iggi999 · 08/06/2017 18:30

Hambo Labour support the union too Confused

ocelot41 · 08/06/2017 18:30

For what it is worth, I would be horrified too

innagazing · 08/06/2017 18:31

Sonjadog-I can understand that you are upset. I would be too, because voting Tory suggests holding attitudes and beliefs that are repugnant to me, and I would wonder about the person I was married to having those views. Doesn´t mean he can´t vote as he pleases or that no-one can have those views, but personally I would find it hard to share my life with someone who held them.

This sums my view up too.

CheeseQueen · 08/06/2017 18:32

what if he had used his vote for BNP

I know he never would, but if he did I'd see it as his right to vote for them.

pictish · 08/06/2017 18:33

Yes...we can vote differently too and have done. But not for the Tories...never for the Tories.

Coffeethrowtrampbitch · 08/06/2017 18:34

Yanbu op, I've been with dh for 20 years and would seriously wonder how much he had changed and what else we had different views on if I found he had moved from a left winger to a Tory voter.

It is also bad he didn't vote Labour tactically if he didn't want the SNP in and they were 2nd. That to me would say he identified with the Tories as a party, not just a protest vote, because if his main aim had been to oust the SNP he would have voted Labour.

To the three people who accused the op of being 'morally superior' like all Labour voters, two of them using the same quote, the op isn't even a Labour voter.

NataliaOsipova · 08/06/2017 18:35

Are you the Labour candidate, OP? If so, I have some sympathy for you. Otherwise? It's his vote.