To be irrationally upset by DH's vote.

[brotherhoodofspam]

Just found out that DH has voted Tory for the 2nd time now. He's doing it tactically as hates SNP but I'd already pointed out to him this morning that labour came 2nd here last time. I know it's stupid but I feel really upset about this. I always thought we had a similar world view and I hate the thought that he's done the whole cliche of turning from a left wing student into a right wing middle class professional. He's really angry with me now for the way I reacted but I wouldn't be the person be married if I just said. " that's nice dear". Just now I'm feeling pretty disgusted with him though. AIBU?

That was to Sherbrooke.

YABU. I vote differently to my partner. My parents voted differently. My friends and their partners continue to vote differently.Politics is such a bizzare arena anyway these days and there are so many different reasons why we fall in love. It doesn't make him a 'bad' or 'why the hell am I with him' person. And yes, as other MN's have said - we live in a democracy...

No yanbu. I couldn't marry/ live with a Tory. I've only ever slept with one and he was rubbish. For some people, it is a big deal. It's about a shared morality, world view and values.

I'd divorce him, personally.

Yanbu- we all have different standards in what we accept and expect from a partner. I couldn't be with someone whose outlook on life was so different from mine.

Dh and I discuss politics a lot, especially around elections. We have differences of opinions on some things but our overall outlook is similar. I would really struggle to be with someone who voted Tory (particularly ATM) as they just stand for everything I dislike about this country.

Obviously you don't marry somebody with different affiliations to you if it matters that much but when you love somebody and marry them it ought to count. But I guess marriage is as disposable as anything else for some. Fair enough. "Till politics do us part"... not heard that one before but then marriage isn't what it was.

nellieellie, I guarantee you, whichever party you voted for (even if it was the same one that I did), I could question your morality and ethics. Every.Single.One.

That's the deficiency of our current political parties.

I really do not understand the high horses and self-aggrandises moral compasses that are being touted on this and dozens of other threads.

You are being grossly unreasonable to be angry with him for not conforming to your expectations.

How would you handle a tirade from him for voting red? I guess he would still be wrong in your eyes.

If a difference in political views is material for a full-blown row and recourse to MN then your expectations are wrong, and your relationship has been fragile for a long time anyway. Do you actually like the guy?

I married because I enjoyed my partner's personality, not because we agreed about stainless-steel versus bronze cutlery. If political agreement is such a big component of your trust then I suggest that he should divorce you.

DH and I voted differently this time and in the referendum but are still happily married!

We debate and agree to disagree and understand the others reasons but differ at the final choice if that makes sense. I can understand to a point why he would vote Tory, but could not personally vote for them.

Welchbutenglish;

And be thankful your partner has been successful so you don't have to be paid for.

Fair play to him-I don't like paying for anyone's else problems either gets on my nerves.

The sooner the right to benefit is removed in the UK the better- It worked in the USA in the states they trailed it in- Cut the welfare costs by millions of dollars a year.

It might seem a bit self orientated but the more people who have that attitude the more people will go out and 'get' rather than 'take' as they do now

Strawberrygate- some of us manage to hold on to our ethics.

This...

I voted Tory and my husband voted SNP. We don't normally discuss politics since the independence referendum nearly drove us apart. We do have the same outlook on life and the same opinions but party politics is a different kettle of fish. He refuses to vote Tory but if a new Centre-right party was formed in Scotland he would vote for them. He hates Labour and Lib dem is a wasted vote. As someone has said Scottish politics is a different ball game where we have heard nothing but grievance from the SNP moaning about Tories and Independence all the time. People tactically voted to try to oust the SNP and to make our voice heard. So YABU. Best not to talk politics. FWIW SNP ex-MP married her Tory-voting husband last year. We have freedom of speech here - differences of opinions enrich our society. But do you have the tolerance to cope and accept?

To those who say 'best not to talk politics' with your other half. I cannot understand how a marriage/partnership works in those circumstances. All we talk about is politics, religion, sex and the kids.

I'll happily talk politics with my husband. We can discuss things. I just would never ask him how he voted, nor would he ask me.

We had a good old discussion on politics for a 2 hour car joirney tonight. Hubby once stood as an SNP candidate in a local council election.

YANBU.

You say you would not be the person he married if you just said "that's nice dear", and had the same opinion as him on everything. But would he be the person you married if he just dismissed his own views and did the same?

YANBU you both have different values, its understandable to me that you're upset, I would be too.

My DH doesn't vote at all which really really annoys me. But I rather this than him voting for the elite and privileged tories

@zeffering... a bit self orientated? A BIT?!! 😂

YANBU - of course people can vote how they like but there is a marked moral and ethical difference in a person who votes Tory or labour. Your husband voted differently, and therefore thought and behaved differently, when you married. It's a significant difference. If my husband suddenly started not giving a shit about his fellow man I'd be pissed off too, just as I'd be pissed off if he suddenly became a religious fundamentalist.

And he might as well have become a religious fundamentalist given the proposed Tory DUP collation. Creationist mandatory education in schools anyone? No abortion under any circumstances? 6000 year old Earth? A party created and populated by actual terrorists? Lovely.

It's the lack of shared values. Obviously he can vote how he likes, since that wasn't your question, YANBU. It might work in some relationships to have such diverse political views, but it depends how important it is to you. It wouldn't work for me. I don't think the upset is at all irrational!

It's the lack of shared values.

So what about someone who is a Blairite and one that is a Corbynite. Very different policies completely.

Or if one voted Labour under Miliband and Tory under Cameron when there wasn't much difference between them.