To be irrationally upset by DH's vote.

[brotherhoodofspam]

Just found out that DH has voted Tory for the 2nd time now. He's doing it tactically as hates SNP but I'd already pointed out to him this morning that labour came 2nd here last time. I know it's stupid but I feel really upset about this. I always thought we had a similar world view and I hate the thought that he's done the whole cliche of turning from a left wing student into a right wing middle class professional. He's really angry with me now for the way I reacted but I wouldn't be the person be married if I just said. " that's nice dear". Just now I'm feeling pretty disgusted with him though. AIBU?

I don't think you are being unreasonable at all OP, completely understand how you feel. It's not controlling or not understanding of a democracy to want your life partner to share many of the same views as you on the important things, especially if you always did and now as you said he has moved from left to right. You're not trying to tell him how to vote obviously, you're just disappointed that your husband has voted against your own beliefs. Don't agree at all with people telling you to grow up or that it's none of your business, of course your husbands political views are your business. TBH anyone who gets married or starts a family with someone without discussing these kinds of game changers is naive. It's an emotional time, it's not as clear cut as just choosing a party this time, there's so much at stake. I think it's good that people are so invested. All that said, I wouldn't worry too much about it spelling impending doom for your marriage - especially if it was a tactical vote. It's good if you can debate about these things and as others have said he is definitely entitled to his own opinions and tactical ideas. It's great that you're both doing what you feel is right, even if you dont agree x

If this was another election, I would've thought YABU. However this is not just any election, and unfortunately the Tories have come to really be the nasty party again... (obviously this is IMO). They embody values that I don't find attractive in a person, so yes I would find it difficult. I know that makes me sound hugely narrow minded but I am finding it difficult to carry on relationships with those that have voted Tory. I haven't said anything to anyone but its an absolute internal struggle.

Really fed up of people saying that it is selfish to vote Tory. I have a large garden and cannot afford a garden tax. I have already paid over £60,000 in stamp duty getting up the property ladder. My children are privately educated and the fees are already a struggle. I can't afford a 20% increase. I know many people that are richer than me that educate their kids in the state system. That is their choice but why should I pay for their kids school meals? How is that fair?!

Its all about you isnt it? Agree with the comment that someone made about this post. Or is your post a joke?
I have a large garden..oh poor you - you cant afford the garden tax. What about not having a home?
*My children are privately educated. - A choice you can afford to make.
Why should i pay for other kids meals? - because some children dont have one hot meal?
Sorry, you epitomise the tories and all they stand for.

My DH didn't bother voting at all...in fact now that I think about it he's never votedi while I've known him. The first time I didn't really bat an eyelid but actually he didn't bother with referendum or local elections or general election. We aren't getting on very well ... long post coming soon ... but it's really beginning to irritate me that he's so apathetic. I'm not saying I'm all glitter for doing it but I have dragged myself out of the house at 9.45pm the last three times after having got kiddos sorted supper done etc while he's literally just sat on his arse and could have gone at ANY point.

Seriously...is this a desk breaker?? I have an emotional attachment to voting and gave done ever since I was of voting age. People DIED for our right to do it! It's not even as though he doesn't have opinions...he's just lazy and it grips my shit!

Deal. Deal breaker. Not desk. Although desk breaker could be office politics-related???

YANBU. Of course it's your business - in the same way as it's his business how you vote. If there is any depth or meaning in a relationship we need to have trust and shared values. That doesn't mean we need to think or do the same thing all the time but fundamental things like politics is about how you live your life, your beliefs, your values, your principles etc. If you differ wildly (as in Tory vs Labour) why on earth would you want to be in a relationship together?

I voted to stay In the EU and my partner choose to leave it I think he is still angry with my now and makes small annoying comments about it all the time! It's very upsetting that he treats me this way over somthing that is my choice! Ur Husband will be feeling upset 2 it's a bit controlling would u have pefferd him to vote the same as you Evan if it was his real feelings but would keep u happy ? Not having a go at you it's just I no what it feels like to be in you husband place!

YABU - but I would be exactly the same in your position. Not sure I could sustain a relationship with someone who had such wildly different political views. However, for some people that just isn't as important a criteria in a relationship, and for others it becomes less so or more so over time.
So while it's nothing to do with you how he votes, I totally understand.
Does he talk about why his views have changed? Maybe there is more common ground than you realise, ie. you still have the same values but now have slightly differing views about how that end result is achieved?

Wow there are some fantastically narrow minded populist views on here! Am so bored of people who make such sweeping judgements on people just because they vote for a certain political party. Being swayed by reams of (largely made up) Facebook rants articles is not the same as researching the various policies published by each party. Every last person in the UK should feel absolutely free to vote for who they wish without recrimination - its called Democracy. If its only deemed 'acceptable' to vote a certain way then we're slowly but surely moving towards some kind of anti-democracy by stealth. Victimising those that don't hold the same opinion as you - hmmm - is that really the route we want to go down? Grow up and live and let live. Or better yet - if you feel very strongly about a certain political view - go and run for parliament - go on, do it! Then you can actually do something rather than sitting at home ranting about how other people voted

My mum always voted labour and my dad tory and yet they had similar ideals, just thought it could be achieved in different ways (my dad believed in the trickle down theory of wealth and worried labour encouraged too much state dependency and alienated people who created wealth so everyone was poorer even the poor people) so different voting doesn't bother me. My husband and I voted differently in this election.
If he voted UKIP I'd be worried but I can understand why many Scots voted for Ruth Davidson (not that either of us did). Our labour candidate is an over made up airhead

My father and step mother voted ukip in the previous election.

I cried. You can't tell me it's democracy and each has their own view and this was my father who basically voted for a party who hates my mother (Asian) and hates his own own grandson and father of his grandson (Eu).

I was so hurt I view them slightly differently now even though they said they did it to give the long standing tory mp a kick up the backside.

My young half sister voted leave - I really think it's because she can't hack the completion for work. Her nephew doesn't think much of her.

Imagine how it was for families in the Scottish referendum.

I see so many people moaning about the NHS, yet it is still not bad. Personally i would like to see the American system over here where the service you get is based on your ability to pay. I loathe how this whole country exists on a want want for fuck all and still moan about it.
It aint all that bad, after all, well it ist'nt for those that dont contribute to our society anyways.

I understand, OP. DH and I got together at university, and a shared outlook and values are a huge part of our relationship. It's got us through some very challenging times, that sense of intellectual and moral compatibility. How we vote is a big part of that, and honestly, I think it would threaten our marriage if one of us voted Tory. I have dear friends who do, and that's never an issue, but with DH he is my family, and who I am closest to. We share pretty much everything: home, money, children, bed. Our lives are so connected that we need to look out at the world from the same starting place, really.

Lots of marriages don't have that political aspect as necessary, let alone central, and that's very different. Sometimes, a different view can be what makes them complement one another, and the relationship thrive. But when you do start out with that connection, and value it... I understand.

sleeponeday if thats true that your marriage would be threatened, that might say more about the strength of your marriage than the morals of one of you based on your political views

Regardless of what you think, you can't tell a left wing voter from a right wing one unless you talk politics

Well, you'd be surprised, i do a bit of canvassing and can have a fair stab at your voting intentions from the state of your front garden 😊

I also got a fair success rate yesterday from walking up to people's doors with a prominent rosette and asking, have you voted yet?
"Yes! " - tick box 1
"Yes. " - tick box 2

YANBU! If I found out that my husband had voted Tory I would be disgusted with him too!

It's one thing to decide to form a relationship with someone who has different beliefs to you and work out a modus vivendi over the years. It's quite another for someone to change their whole world view all of a sudden- that would be a shock to anyone, surely?

How irritating. If you can't accept your partner's choice of politics or accept that they have the right to a free vote then bloody well don't discuss them.

However 'bad' their vote is, yours can cancel it out. But honestly, what earthly business is it of YOURS that you feel you have the right to micromanage your partner's voting?

"Oh no!!! My husband didn't give up his own opinion and views as soon as he married me"

stamps feet like a brat

"How can I control him more?"

I would have been upset if my husband had voted for the Tories too. Yes we all have the right to vote for who we want but we would have totally different values and beliefs which would be a worry. I couldn't marry someone who supported the Torie view. Financially, we are probably better off under a conservative government but I believe we should vote thinking about the next generation and the vulnerable in society, not just what is the best for us!

It's not about wanting to manage your partners voting, it's about being surprised that they've voted a particular way! I would be very very surprised if my DH suddenly voted Tory, as it would be so opposed to what I know of him.

Being surprised is fine. Some posters though are being utterly ridiculous in their expectations that a) their partner will never change views and b) enough arrogance to suppose that their own will can be imposed on them.

It seems also that it's nearly always women who think they are the 'boss' of everything, sadly.

What are some of you going to do? File for divorce citing 'different values and beliefs (in a secret ballot)'? I'd be beating my husband to the solicitors if he tried to control me like this. Have a word with yourselves.

YABU.

I don't know who my wife votes for. It's entirely her business.

I would be sad if I found out she voted for Corbyn, but if she did, that's between her, her concience and the ballot box.

Politics is very important to me; I got together with DH over drink-fuelled left wing bonding.

I can see that if politics for you is something that happens every 5 years, and your voting floats, then you would go for the democracy! option and say a person's vote doesn't affect your opinion of them.

But for me, my political opinions are really core to who I am. I could live with a Tory voter who genuinely believed in that trickle-down crap, (though words would be had) but a partner who suddenly said, i really don't like all these darkies around so I'm voting tory to get rid of them... different matter altogether.