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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to be mortified school informed my 5 year old about the terrorist incidents?

170 replies

Mumofone1970 · 07/06/2017 13:37

My son is in Year 1 but one of the youngest so is still 5.
Yesterday at school the teacher explained what had happened over the weekend to the class and they did a one minute silence.
I had not spoken to my son about it.
He is 5 years old, I work in London daily and I didn't think him having the weight of that worry was necessary.
I am appalled the school took it on themselves, without asking persmission to tell him.
I only have the one child so this is new to be but so far I am less than impressed with the school system in general but this is above and beyond all my other small issues.

OP posts:
Justanothersingledoutnumber · 07/06/2017 15:02

I really don't know if I would be proactively telling them that there are people in the world who murder innocents in the name of religion.

That's not what they would be told.

Seriously some people really do thinks it's "Tell them all or tell them nothing" don't they.

StrangeAndUnusual · 07/06/2017 15:02

What do you mean by 'mortified'? AFAIK that means 'terribly embarrassed', but that makes no sense in your post. I often see people using it when they seem to mean 'furiously angry' and wonder why? Not a snide comment, I am genuinely curious because it seems to be widespread. I am wondering if it's a regional variation of some sort?

goingagain · 07/06/2017 15:03

Here here Xmasbaby11.

My son is very bright and I still will not be offering this up unless I need to do so in order to avoid misinformation going I. From elsewhere - playground etc.

He would want to know why someone would do that on purpose. What happened to the terrorist. Were there mummies and little boys and girls hurt. Will it happen again. Will it happen at your work mummy.

Not yet.

AcrossthePond55 · 07/06/2017 15:06

This is nothing new. We were told about the Kennedy assassination in 1963 (and then sent home). Oklahoma City and 9/11 were discussed in class when my sons were in school.

As long as a school sticks to the basic facts, does not sensationalize, and presents a 'non-political' view and urges children to talk to their parents I don't see a problem.

Teabagtits · 07/06/2017 15:08

At my daughter's school they didn't tell the kids why they were having a minutes silence, just that a horrible thing had happened. I think that's worse than explaining the reality. Dd (7) watches the news and was already informed but it annoyed her that they didn't discuss the reason for the silence. They seem to do that a lot so loads of kids are growing up having respectful silences without knowing why or what for.

goingagain · 07/06/2017 15:08

Justanother - there is no need to be snarky. Of course there is a middle ground. That phrasing was meant to be demonstrative of the message being conveyed, not actual words used to a five year old ffs, I thought that would be obvious... Hmm

That aside, I know he would want to know why it happened and the line of questioning that would take. I don't want him worrying about that sort of thing at that age.

I can remember discovering what nuclear war was, and asking my parents questions which they of course had to answer as best they could. The worry of that knowledge literally kept me crying awake at night for months as a child (aged about 7 I think).

StripeyCurtains · 07/06/2017 15:08

OP isn't coming back. She is mortified at her blatant misuse of the word "mortified". Can't blame her, really.

Silverstreaks · 07/06/2017 15:11

Kids pick up information all over the place, even at five years old. I'm surprised you didn't mention it to him in any way.

SparklyUnicornPoo · 07/06/2017 15:15

I've had to talk to a group of reception children about it because one was repeating some absolutely disgusting views he'd heard from his parents, they'd already had a brief explanation in assembly but these views were truly awful Sad Schools don 't have the choice of not addressing these things because there will always be parents who have and it is much better the children get an age appropriate explanation and a chance to discuss any fears and things they may have heard.

WorshipTheGourd · 07/06/2017 15:16

NoCapes

I was a bit Confused about it too. It IS a Church school so talk about forgiveness is par for the course but I thought a separate minute was a bit odd?

newnameoldme · 07/06/2017 15:16

I make an effort to avoid my kids hearing the radio news or tv and was also a little surprised their school held a minutes silence.

we observe the 11/11 but I did not think they needed to be made aware of terrorists killings... but i think schools and teachers like any other people can get swept away with the mood of the country

MissHavishamsleftdaffodil · 07/06/2017 15:25

A school is a community, you can't prevent what children overhear or talk about or share with each other, or which youngest kids have older siblings who have told them. If the information is in the community and potentially could distress or upset, then teachers curse under their breath and plan together how to age appropriately share the information in a way that protects kids from being scared as much as possible, answers their questions and prevents misinformation. Sometimes there's even a set time of day when all classes are told at the same time to avoid unprepared kids being exposed to scary stuff on the playground or in the dining hall.

However whenever something happens, like horrendously the once or twice I've worked in a school where a child has died, some parents will insist their child is exempted from being told and mustn't know about it as it's too upsetting. Usually their child does know and then you're in the awful position of the child upset or asking questions with your only answer being 'you'll have to ask mummy about that at home time' because I'm not allowed to talk about this and I won't lie to you

BitOutOfPractice · 07/06/2017 15:28

I presume all of those who object to this being talked about at school would also like their child not to be told what to do in the event of an attack at the school? AFAIK all school kids are being taught a lock down drill.

As for people correcting the OP's choice of words. You knew precisely what she meant. Don't be that dick

SandyDenny · 07/06/2017 15:33

None of my dc have mentioned a lockdown drill, is that a national thing or decided by individual schools?

Of course people are going to comment on an apparently totally wrong word being used in the question. Maybe the OP is genuinely embarrassed which would be a whole other discussuin

Lynnm63 · 07/06/2017 15:35

YABU. Mine are all teens but I imagine your dc's school said something along the lines of some people died because some bad men did something very naughty so we are going to think about them quietly for a minute.
They weren't showing them videos of dead babies.

choli · 07/06/2017 15:36

Parents who want to keep their children in ignorance of the world around them should home school.

BitOutOfPractice · 07/06/2017 15:38

It was perfectly obvious that she means "not happy". If you couldn't extrapolate that and quietly get on with answering the question when...

My kids have practised a drill but they are much older than the OP's

Justanothersingledoutnumber · 07/06/2017 15:52

Sandy

I think most schools are doing them now, but obviously not calling them lock down drills.

Attacks on schools are a very real worry, it would be naive to think there hasn't been some kind of emergancy training done.

YouWhatMate · 07/06/2017 15:53

Parents who want to keep their children in ignorance of the world around them should home school

Basically this.

I probably wouldn't specifically mention it to my 5yo, but I wouldn't hide it. If it came up (such as if school held a minute's silence for the victims) then I'd have no major problem. It's part of life.

SandyDenny · 07/06/2017 15:57

Justanother - Im going to ask my dc when they get back to make sure they've been doing them at school.

BitOutOfPractice · 07/06/2017 15:59

And children should definitely know the "Run. Hide. Tell" information. Why wouldn't you want them to know how to stay safe?

I remember being taught what to do in the event of nuclear attack as a child in the 70s / 80s. Mind you, hiding under the stairs / a desk never struck me as particularly useful

OhSoggyBiscuit · 07/06/2017 16:07

Whilst it's sad that it's necessary to tell children now about terror attacks, they still need to know.

Having said that, I don't remember being told at school about 9/11 happening and I was 7 at the time. I only heard about it once I got home from school and heard the news.

Believeitornot · 07/06/2017 16:10

I work in London. Dh works in London Bridge. I did not tell the dcs because I didn't want to scare them - instead we wait for their weekly newspaper and discuss it that way. The school does tell them and I think that's a good thing thing.

I don't tell the dcs directly because I might over do it - but I'm happy to discuss if it comes up. My dcs will and do ask questions about it.

As they get older I'll be more open with them. But this thread gets me thinking about how to tell my 5&7 year olds - I used to be terrified as a child when hearing the news.

SomewhatIdiosyncratic · 07/06/2017 16:54

My 6 year old is very curious and full of questions. At 4, we went to a living museum and they happened to have a 1940s reenactment day which triggered lots of questions over the next few months about WW2, and we answered in the context of it being when Granny was a little girl. This weekend he initiated a lengthy conversation about "Titler" and how and why the two World Wars happened, so we ended up with a simplified explanation of countries wanting more land to get richer, groups of countries being friends, countries wanting old lands back, countries declaring war to protect their friends, countries being left poor, leaders promising to make countries great again, but being mean and unfair to people they didn't like, countries invading other countries, more war breaking out, and war ending when armies run out of supplies. Phrased appropriately, young children can process a lot and wrapping them up against the world keeps them ignorant. By his age, his grandma had experienced nothing but war since she was 18m old.

Back to the original theme of terror attacks, we went to London a month before the Westminster attack, so the memory of that location was fresh in DS's mind. We watched the news that night (it was at the loop stage so predictable in content) and he's aware that there's a small amount of bad people that don't like our way of life, so they want to hurt and kill people to scare us into changing. But we're not going to be scared, because the chances of being affected by these people are so very, very small.

With the timing of the Manchester attack, I hadn't fully caught up before taking him to school, so he found out in assembly. The school can't pick out who knows and who lives in a fluffy wuffy bubble. It was a topic likely to be talked about in older years and by siblings, and I trust the school to be appropriate and factual about it.

With this weekend's attack, I mentioned that Newsround was going to be sad tonight because there'd been another attack and that it was on the road that we'd stayed in an eaten at when we were in London.

Growing up, the IRA was targeting places familiar to me around London. I remember disasters like the Kings Cross fire on the 6 o'clock news, again a familiar place.

DS is particularly curious and other children will need less detail, but they still need access to truth. One day the future will be in our children's hands. Better that they reach adulthood and voting age with a good awareness of the world, warts and all, built up gently and appropriately as they grow. Schools also have responsibilities towards citizenship and the anti-extremism which includes the white right wing angle which may get stirred up by these kinds of events.

LivininaBox · 07/06/2017 17:17

I asked my school. They have not said anything to DS class as they don't think it is appropriate for their age. Older age groups observed the silence.