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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to be mortified school informed my 5 year old about the terrorist incidents?

170 replies

Mumofone1970 · 07/06/2017 13:37

My son is in Year 1 but one of the youngest so is still 5.
Yesterday at school the teacher explained what had happened over the weekend to the class and they did a one minute silence.
I had not spoken to my son about it.
He is 5 years old, I work in London daily and I didn't think him having the weight of that worry was necessary.
I am appalled the school took it on themselves, without asking persmission to tell him.
I only have the one child so this is new to be but so far I am less than impressed with the school system in general but this is above and beyond all my other small issues.

OP posts:
nannybeach · 07/06/2017 14:38

If the school was holding a minutes silence would expect children to be told why, cannot see any problem. You cannot put school age children in a bubble and protect them from the unpleasant aspects of life.

Medeci · 07/06/2017 14:39

OP is probably feeling mortified for using the wrong word and won't be coming back.

londonrach · 07/06/2017 14:39

Yabu. At 5 as its such a major event id expect you have carefully mentioned something before other children do. The school is doing a good job here.

Rockhopper81 · 07/06/2017 14:40

You can absolutely keep this information from your son at home - that is your prerogative as a parent - but schools have a responsibility to deal with the issues that children in that school bring to the classroom.

Your son not knowing is one thing - others in his class may well have known. It's highly likely children in his class had mentioned it and the teacher responded in an age-appropriate way to all the children to explain and reassure them. There would also of been an explanation for the minutes silence - unless you would prefer he didn't know why he was expected to sit in silence?

I have - many times - had to explain things children have heard on the news, or overheard parents talking about (because however discreet you think you are, trust me, there are no secrets from an EYFS teacher), and we just approach it in a matter-of-fact way that is simplified for their age.

Can I ask though, what you mean by this?:

so far I am less than impressed with the school system in general but this is above and beyond all my other small issues.

I'm not trying to be difficult, I just wondered if this was more of an issue for you because you have issues with the school in general?

WorshipTheGourd · 07/06/2017 14:42

We buy First News.
We listen to the Radio.
We dont have rolling TV news.
We do talk about 'things' (kids are 9 and 12)
Live in middle of nowhere so kids wouldnt notice extra Police etc.

But their School held a Minutes Silence for the Victims. Fine.
They also had a 'separate minute' for the Terrorists and prayed for their forgiveness Confused

sticklebrix · 07/06/2017 14:43

The 1 min silence seems inappropriate for a class of five year olds to me. Everything is so abstract at that age and they are unlikely to understand what is going on if they didn't have a personal connection to someone involved.

At five, I would expect the teacher to acknowledge what happened if the topic came up (which it might have done if classmates have older sibs or watch the news) and reassure the kids that such incidents are very rare. With older kids, I think that the teacher should bring it up.

Jessicabrassica · 07/06/2017 14:44

My reception age child had it introduced at school. He would have known earlier had he been listening when we discussed it with his 7yo sister (she saw it on newsround). We talked about there being bad people in the world and lots of people did good things to help the people who were mean. They know about superheros who do good things to help people when baddies do mean things so it didn't really come as any kind of big deal.

SheSaidHeSaid · 07/06/2017 14:45

I think the school were right to tell the children. They will have heard bits from their classmates via siblings at some point anyway, at least via the school it'll have been done in an age appropriate and respectful way.

NoCapes · 07/06/2017 14:45

They also had a 'separate minute' for the terrorists and prayed for their forgiveness

Wow! I would absolutely not be happy about this, and would be going into school about it - that is disgusting!

JennyOnAPlate · 07/06/2017 14:46

Yes yabu.

The children will all be talking about it in the playground. Much better for them to hear the accurate version from their teacher.

ApplePizza · 07/06/2017 14:47

It's funny. We all experience sex, yet we wait until they are nearly at high school before telling them the details (at school - home night be different). A very small number of people experience a terro attack and yet people on here are falling over themselves to tell their young children about is ASAP.

I think you will find sex education starts at about 5 por 6 these days. Basic facts and so fourth

Basic facts! Not the actual sex education. Not the details.

Funny how Some people are desperate to educate children about murder, but not the facts of life.

Highmaintenancefemalestuff · 07/06/2017 14:47

I don't see the problem. My ds is 4 and in preschool. I had a feeling they would be doing the minutes silence after Manchester and London, so explained to him as best I could in a way I hope didn't frighten him. Me and dh both agreed that as, unfortunately, these things happen in the UK and all over the world, there is zero point in hiding it from him.
I explained to the teacher that I had told him in preparation for the minutes silence and she said that they would keep it very basic as they couldn't be sure how much the children had been told by parents. I assume all teachers wouldn't have gone into frighteningly gory detail with young children.

NoCapes · 07/06/2017 14:48

Apple and do you think people telling their children about terrorist attacks are going into all the gory details?! Hmm

Justanothersingledoutnumber · 07/06/2017 14:50

Basic facts! Not the actual sex education. Not the details.
I tihnk you will find they will not be going into absolute detail of the attacks with 5 year olds, just like they won't be going over the 'joy of sex' with them.

Both will be done in age appropriate ways.

waitforitfdear · 07/06/2017 14:51

The school sounds very responsible

saoirse31 · 07/06/2017 14:51

School were right. Can't believe poster upthread doesn't let nine yr old watch news...

ApplePizza · 07/06/2017 14:52

I didn't say anything about gory details.

PigletWasPoohsFriend · 07/06/2017 14:53

YABU.

I don't think you will be back however

ChardonnaysPrettySister · 07/06/2017 14:53

Nothing to be embarrassed about is ti?

DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen · 07/06/2017 14:54

Presuming you meant horrified,I think the school is very responsible. Children will hear all sorts and it's better they hear it in an age appropriate way rather than playground chatter.

GherkinSnatch · 07/06/2017 14:58

YABU. Even CBeebies talks about uncomfortable subjects - on Armistice Day, off the top of my head. And I was watching Apple Tree House with the DC and the episode about "Glamping" discusses the refugee crisis.

Far, far, better for the subject to be covered by school in an age-appropriate manner than for your child to inevitably hear about it on the playground.

Floralnomad · 07/06/2017 14:59

They also had a 'separate minute' for the terrorists and prayed for their forgiveness

Now that's something worth getting cross about , I wonder how many complaints they've had .

goingagain · 07/06/2017 14:59

My oldest is in reception (v old for his year). We have not told him about these attacks and I would be shocked if the school told the children without advising parents first.

Yes of course they need to understand the world. But I really don't know if I would be proactively telling them that there are people in the world who murder innocents in the name of religion. I don't think he needs to process that at age 5. If he asked or heard something then of course I would try to explain in simple terms. But I am baffled why so many people seem to be shocked at wanting to shield children from the realities of terrorism when they not more than babies. I am pretty certain all this would do would introduce a level of worry and fear that is entirely counterproductive at his age. For what it is worth my husband and I both work in central London.

Xmasbaby11 · 07/06/2017 15:00

Yanbu. I have a 5yo and haven't told her. She's not aware of world events and wouldn't get it. None of her friends are talking about it.

Maturity varies and I don't think my dd is very mature or able to understand complex issues. If she did understand that people had been killed on purpose, I think she'd be upset and confused. I can't speak for other 5yo but mine I am protecting from the world.

Of course as she grows up, this will change and I do want her to be aware of the world.
I should add my dd has some communication problems and is under a paediatrician, so she may not be a typical 5yo.

NotHotDogMum · 07/06/2017 15:01

It was remiss of you to send your child to school without explaining about the terror attacks.

Of course school, teachers, pupils would have been talking about them.

Now he had to hear about it from someone who wasn't you. What were you thinking?

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