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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to be mortified school informed my 5 year old about the terrorist incidents?

170 replies

Mumofone1970 · 07/06/2017 13:37

My son is in Year 1 but one of the youngest so is still 5.
Yesterday at school the teacher explained what had happened over the weekend to the class and they did a one minute silence.
I had not spoken to my son about it.
He is 5 years old, I work in London daily and I didn't think him having the weight of that worry was necessary.
I am appalled the school took it on themselves, without asking persmission to tell him.
I only have the one child so this is new to be but so far I am less than impressed with the school system in general but this is above and beyond all my other small issues.

OP posts:
Justanothersingledoutnumber · 07/06/2017 13:55

All children are different and I know mine would be very upset and traumatised if he knew

How do you know he doesn't know?

TheMysteriousJackelope · 07/06/2017 13:57

I am with Laniakea, why are you embarrassed that the school told your DS before you had a chance to? I'm sure they did it in an age appropriate way. I doubt anyone in real life even knows you hadn't talked to him about it or judges you for it either.

NoCapes · 07/06/2017 13:58

Livin aren't we all upset and a little bit traumatised by it?
Are you suggesting the children who are told about the news and what are going on in the world aren't bothered about terrorist attacks?? Confused

LivininaBox · 07/06/2017 13:58

Justanother, I know because I have asked a couple of probing questions and also I am pretty sure he would tell me, either directly or through his play.

Sunshinegirls · 07/06/2017 13:58

Yanbu. Too young, if they ask questions of course answer them but no need to burden them about something that they are too young to understand. I wouldn't be pleased about this.

JigglyTuff · 07/06/2017 13:59

Summerisles - please tell your husband that it's like saying he's embarrassed when he means angry. Perhaps you should start swapping those words around to impress upon him that using a word to mean one thing when it means something entirely different is not generally the aim of communication.

Justanothersingledoutnumber · 07/06/2017 14:00

pretty sure

His school has probably done it.

Mummyoflittledragon · 07/06/2017 14:00

The staff have said nothing about the attacks at dds primary school. When the Manchester attack happened, it was discussed in the playground as the attack was the day before. Apparently the teacher had to tell the children to stop gossiping and answer a couple of questions in the classroom. This was information from friends as dd wasn't there that Tuesday. Nothing was said on Wednesday according to dd. This time, it wasn't discussed as it happened on Saturday. My dd only knows about Manchester because I've told her we aren't going to a concert in a few weeks because of it but she doesn't know about london neither does she need to know. She's yr4 and almost 9. I'm being very careful to keep the news away from her as she really doesn't need to know about all this violence. YANBU.

beepbeepimasheep · 07/06/2017 14:00

I grew up with armed soldiers/police on street corners. You get used to dealing with it as it's part and parcel of the world we live in. YABU.
Better to hear a factual, age appropriate summary than an exaggerated description from a child with older siblings.

LivininaBox · 07/06/2017 14:01

Nocapes children need to learn about the world at a gradual pace appropriate for their age. Learning about or seeing stuff they can't deal with can have longterm impacts on them. Yes some children grow up in war zones and see horrific things. But it damages them long term and I am sure you wouldn't suggest exposing children to that unnecessarily?

user98765797837 · 07/06/2017 14:01

YABU
As others have said they are likely to hear about it from other children at school...
we told my 5 yr old (she's in reception) about it because I could explain it all to her in a way she understands....the bad (bad men ran people over and then started stabbing people) and the good...how people helped each other, how the police worked really hard and really fast to help stop the baddies,

I'm actually debating if/when and how to explain the "run, hide, tell" stuff to her and her sister who's 9...

PolarBearGoingSomewhere · 07/06/2017 14:01

I'm glad my DD's reception class teacher told them all in an age appropriate way; we had already discussed it at home but if we hadnt I think it was important for her to know facts. There are some great resources online about talking to children if you want to continue the conversation with your child. If in doubt, I tell DD to "look for the helpers". The kindness and bravery of human beings is the one thing we can take heart from, regardless of our age.

RagingCunt · 07/06/2017 14:02

Blimey OP, chill out.

Children hear things. Better that it was explained simply and factually by school staff than overheard, exaggerated and misunderstood in the playground.

We can't shield them from everything, no matter how much we might wish to.

RichardSimmons · 07/06/2017 14:02

Our school did this too, and I felt the same way you do OP. My 5-year-old has anxiety issues to begin with and the last thing I need is for her to be scared of more things she can't control. If nothing else the school should have told parents they were planning to have the discussion so we could follow up at home to deal with any lingering questions or fears.

MacarenaFerreiro · 07/06/2017 14:03

Mortified.... well I suppose it makes a change from being livid/furious/fuming. Mortified is totally the wrong word in this context.

Schools all over the country observed the minutes' silence yesterday for the victims of the terror attack in London. Children will obviously ask why they are being asked to keep quiet and teachers explain. In my experience, they use words and language which are age appropriate.

Being "mortified" is ridiculous. You cannot shield a child from everything.

LivininaBox · 07/06/2017 14:04

Justanother you don't know my child or his school so I think I'll trust my own judgement here.

RichardSimmons · 07/06/2017 14:05

So no, YANBU to be upset. But YABU to use the word "mortified" to describe how you feel in this situation. Lots of people do it but none of them are correct.

Justanothersingledoutnumber · 07/06/2017 14:06

Justanother you don't know my child or his school so I think I'll trust my own judgement here.

You are correct I'm Pretty sure i don't know either of those things.
But we don't know 100% do we.

NoCapes · 07/06/2017 14:06

But I don't think it's unnecessary
It's news, it's right on our doorsteps and people we know may be involved
I think children need to be aware that there is good and bad in the world
I don't think wrapping children up in cotton wool does them any favours, and while they are so young and you can control what they see and hear about it is probably the best time to start introducing this information
I have a 5 year old too, plus a 7 year old and we focused very heavily on the good things that people did and all the helpful kind people selflessly helping the injured - if I'd waited until they were 10 or so, they'd see things online/the tv/hear garbled things from peers and it would've all been much more scary, while they're still young I can edit how much information I think they can cope with
At what age do you think you'll start introducing the idea of good and bad to your DC?

PeachPants · 07/06/2017 14:07

My 4YO asked what had happened when she saw it on the news while i was watching it. I told her (admittedly not in great detail!). I know it's been on her mind since because she's brought it up, but I'm glad it's me who told her, and feel kind of proud that at 4YO she is taking an interest in the world around her.

I would have had no problem with school telling her, and was actually thinking of asking them for some advice in talking to her about it.

Tomorrowillbeachicken · 07/06/2017 14:08

My son obsesses over things and is very focused on law and order at five so I chose not to tell him. I'm a little irritated that they went into details about Manchester before half term tbh but mainly because there was no notice before they spoke to them and he came home talking about nuclear bombs.

FormerlyFrikadela01 · 07/06/2017 14:10

She's yr4 and almost 9. I'm being very careful to keep the news away from her as she really doesn't need to know about all this violence. YANBU.

How do you plan on explaining the increased numbers of armed police on the streets? Like I said just this morning I saw 2 armed officers in a shopping centre. I'm not in London, it was the White rose centre in Leeds and they were just walking around carrying rather large guns. I was shocked myself so I'm sure children would be too.
I actually think it's irresponsible to purposely shield a nearly 9 year old from this. Explain in an age appropriate way but don't just ignore it because I guarantee she'll have friends who know about it and the rumour and exaggeration from children can be far more damaging.

YellowLawn · 07/06/2017 14:10

yabu
it's a good thing the school talked about it.

it's so easy to get misinformed by overhearing things, reading/seeing newspaper headlines, speaking to peers on the playground...

BaronessEllaSaturday · 07/06/2017 14:12

I sat my reception child down on Sunday morning and explained to her simply. I also reassured her that the chance of it happening to either of us is incredibly small. I know her school will have done the minutes silence yesterday just as they did for the attack in Manchester. I think you are very naive to think these things won't come up in the playground at all.

Billben · 07/06/2017 14:12

YABU big time. Instead of shielding your child from the world, try preparing them for it. Give First News a try. My youngest has been reading it since she was 6.