AIBU to be mortified school informed my 5 year old about the terrorist incidents?

[Mumofone1970]

My son is in Year 1 but one of the youngest so is still 5.
Yesterday at school the teacher explained what had happened over the weekend to the class and they did a one minute silence.
I had not spoken to my son about it.
He is 5 years old, I work in London daily and I didn't think him having the weight of that worry was necessary.
I am appalled the school took it on themselves, without asking persmission to tell him.
I only have the one child so this is new to be but so far I am less than impressed with the school system in general but this is above and beyond all my other small issues.

Nocapes, I think the right age will vary hugely from family to family. If I had older DC or lived in a city centre with news everywhere then I perhaps would tell a 5yo. If I lived in Manchester I would 100 per cent.

YABU

My children were 4 and 6 when 9/11 happened. They knew what had happened. They saw the news and they knew that it meant that DH could be called to go away at any minute. He wasn't thankfully.

We flew the following week. They were absolutely fine. They weren't the tiniest bit nervous, they understood why we couldn't take much on the plane and took it all in their stride.

Parents who think they can protect their child from the world's ills by switching off the TV and going lalala are mistaken. in my time we have had to tell children in school about the deaths of their peers, of their peers parents, the deaths of their teachers, the deaths of other adults in the school community as well as 9/11 and 7/7 .Death and tragedy happens. Teaching children ways of dealing with sadness is hugely important. I wish people had done the same for me when I was faced with unexpected family death aged 7, I was not helped or supported through it and felt it was a terrible secret because no one talked about it.

I applaud those schools who take on the task, in my experience they do it well, appropriately and in a supportive safe environment. If your child has anxieties then giving them the tools to deal with their anxiety is a far healthier approach than pretending things don't happen.

I've always watched newsround with DD, and answered any questions as honestly as possible. I don't think its right to keep them in the dark. She's 10 now and not at all traumatised.

A school 10 minutes from here have had to explain to children the same age as yours why one of the children from their school was killed by the terrorists.

At ds primary school at least 3 children where at the concert in Manchester.

Sadly we can't hide these things from children and it's much better that we talk to them about it in an age appropriate, realistic way then letting them be scared by playground d gossip

Sadly bad things happening are part of life and it's unreasonable to try and shield a school age child from the realities of life.

Armed police are most ceratinly not on the streets everywhere, maybe in large cities but my dc are unlikely in the extreme to see any and if my youngest did there's no way they'd be frightened or traumatised, interested maybe and that's totally normal imo

Trying to pretend the world is nice all the time is a recipe for a child growing up unable to judge risk and unduly scared when there's no reasonable need to be

And to agree with everyone else of course you're not mortified

Frikadla. We are in a village. We live near a city, but not a major one and we don't go there much. I talk to her a lot. We discuss what friends say and how her day was. I have also questioned her gently about gossip. She doesn't know anything. The gossip yesterday was that one of the TA's is married to an arsenal player and bringing him to school on Friday, which was pretty funny. I googled the player and everything as dd was convinced. Dh and I are fine with our decision and it would perhaps be different if there were lots of armed guards around.

The other kids will tell them a mangled version in the playground - you cannot control that.

And you are not mortified - mortified is what you feel going to the polling station on the wrong day or accidentally snogging your child's teacher. You are cross possibly put out.

Another vote for First News, it's a really good newspaper for children. I miss it now we have grown out of it.

I had a seven year old mention the bombings this week "It won't happen here, will it, Mrs Middling?" Children do hear about the news and need reassuring from an adult, playground chatter can soon become incorrect and scary.

Obviously we shouldn't shield children from death. My dd is prepared as best she can for my death for example. I have ME/CFS and not very likely to die from it in the foreseeable future as I'm not bedridden but far too ill to work. It's a life limiting and life shortening illness - average 20 years I've read. Her grandfather died a couple of months ago. She's very well prepared. But she doesn't need this added stress on top. Others may think differently and that is a choice.

JigglyTuff Everytime he says the word I correct him using very simple explanations and giving examples of other words he can use. He's even used it after the death of a friend's child

YANBU

It's funny. We all experience sex, yet we wait until they are nearly at high school before telling them the details (at school - home night be different).

A very small number of people experience a terro attack and yet people on here are falling over themselves to tell their young children about is ASAP.

I don't want my children burdened with the worry yet. They have their whole lives to worry.

and you don't think his friends will maybe mention it? or older kids?

My son is same age. his best friends dad is a policeman, and I can bet this little boy knows about it

YBVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVU

I think it is important to talk about it..So they can then ask questions. We live in a small town so I have explained that terrorists want to cause maximum impact our little town would do nothing as this was one of his questions.

I have also had chance to explain this is not about religion. We went away half term so fully expected more armed police at airport. I explained it was to keep us safe.. My DS is 10 but not everything you tell them in relation to terrorism is a bad thing.

I think at 5 they should also know not everyone is good. I wish we did live in a world where we could keep them in a fairy tale bubble but we sadly don't

Wouldn't be a problem to me.

I don't get all of these people who think that children should be wrapped up in cotton wool and know nothing about the world around them

Just be age appropriate about it. It will be mentioned by other children in the playground, not sure how you think you could control that.

Why were you 'mortified'? That means you were shamed or humiliated by it.

It's funny. We all experience sex, yet we wait until they are nearly at high school before telling them the details (at school - home night be different). A very small number of people experience a terro attack and yet people on here are falling over themselves to tell their young children about is ASAP.

I think you will find sex education starts at about 5 por 6 these days. Basic facts and so fourth.

YANBU it is up to me when I speak to my 6 year old of those things. I would have hated for the school to spring this on kids so young.

As soon as your children go to school you stop being in control of the information they receive and stop being in control of their emotional experiences.

The teacher/assembly is a better place to hear that information than the playground both from an information and an emotional point of view.

You can't control what (or how) will be discussed in the playground, other people will have told their children.

Personally I'd rather my DC heard these things from me, calmly, with context rather than hear it for the first time with the hyperbole and misinformation endemic in playground tales.

As PP have said, I don't think you mean "mortified" but I do think teachers should say something sensible (basic facts) because other children definitely will know and can say ridiculous things which spread as Chinese whispers.

Nope agree with the op (though wrong use of that word) Id be furious if they told my child. Thats up to me. So far Ive been able to shield my 5 year old from alm this & will continue to do so as long as I can.

And yes, mortified means embarrassed / humiliated. So you are embarrassed that you hadn't told your child about the terror attacks and the school had to do it for you?

I think it is more likely that you are angry, though I really can't see what the issue is.

I'd be "mortified" - that I hadn't PERSONALLY got around to explaining things to my own child in a general, gentle manner where they could ask questions and I could ameliorate their worries BEFORE they heard it all from school - it was after all, quite obvious that they would be holding a minute's silence as with previous atrocities.

Mortified means ashamed. And the school will be criticized by someone whatever it does. YABU.

Yep you are being unreasonable. You can't wrap them in bubble wrap and hide them from the world. Simple, plain facts and no drama is the way to impart information. They need to know, from a young age, about the world.

You need to tell them yourself if you don't want the school to be the ones discussing it first.