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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Changing my plans to have kids whilst ex goes on holiday

60 replies

Sharpasknives · 06/06/2017 09:41

Just that really. We are on fairly good terms, I am taking the kids away for 2 weeks in a August. He wants to go away in September for a week with his g/f. But wants me to have them on his weekend so he can fly Saturday to saturday,, rather than Monday to Monday , which wouldn't affect the kids childcare at all. He's adamant that there are no flights for their chosen destination on any other day than the Saturday.
Now, I wouldn't mind having them but I have plans for that weekend, which would mean me cancelling them, to have the kids.
AIBU to think - he's had 2 child free weeks to take a holiday, and surely he could change his destination to somewhere that flies on the sunday as its only Saturday night I have plans.
Opinions please

OP posts:
Neverknowing · 06/06/2017 09:45

Tbh he's being unreasonable. But I would just do him the favour to keep the peace personally, he owes you one if you're ever in a similar situation Smile

ThePlaceboEffect · 06/06/2017 09:50

YABU to expect ex to have a holiday when you have chosen (ie when your holiday is).

It depends on what your plans are as to whether YABU about having to cancel them. For the sake of an easy life I would agree to having the kids so he can holiday Saturday to Saturday unless your plans include a wedding/prepaid mini-break/ other one-off event. If it's just a planned girls night out then YABabitU.

YANBU to be annoyed.

Guavaf1sh · 06/06/2017 09:50

Also he could scupper your holiday by demanding 'his' weekend during your two week break. Always better to give and take on these situations

mygorgeousmilo · 06/06/2017 09:51

I would be tempted to look on sky scanner to see if there really is no other option for that destination. Then screenshot it and send it to him. But as PP has said, maybe you could also bank the favour? Is he not taking them on holiday at all himself?

Original poster
Sharpasknives · 06/06/2017 09:53

Yes yes we do generally , but this is an evening wedding reception that I would be cancelling .

OP posts:
Original poster
Sharpasknives · 06/06/2017 09:54

Yes they are away with their dad lack week of August, but not abroad, camping in uk.

OP posts:
beingsunny · 06/06/2017 09:55

The normally I would say bank the favour but saw it's a wedding.

Can you request he pays for a sitter?

DancingLedge · 06/06/2017 09:56

If its an evening do, couldn't you get a babysitter?

Original poster
Sharpasknives · 06/06/2017 09:58

I wouldn't leave them with a sitter , they are 12 and 13.and we don't really know anyone who would .

OP posts:
AreWeThereYet000 · 06/06/2017 10:15

Can you not take them to the wedding with you? Although annoying I really don't think it's that big a deal as PP said you can't expect him to only holiday when you do, and he shouldn't have to change destination as it doesn't meet your plans (and yes I have experience of this my DC father and me aren't together)

I'd take them to the wedding and bank the favour x

Fishface77 · 06/06/2017 10:20

12&13?? Is leaving them alone for the evening not an option?

willconcern · 06/06/2017 10:25

Don't your DCs have any friends that they could stay over with that night? I think it's best to be flexible in these circumstances (I am also divorced & have these discussions with exH).

My DCS are 13 & 11, I have a sitter coming tonight - teenaged daughter of a friend. Do you NEVER go out when your DCS are at yours? Not sure why a 13 & 12 year old can'take have someone a bit older to sit. Mine love her, she lets them watch TV with her & they chat about movies, music etc.

Are you sure you're not just tryingredients to make it difficult for ex?

willconcern · 06/06/2017 10:26

Bloody autocorrect went into overdrive...

Original poster
Sharpasknives · 06/06/2017 10:30

No no, I'm not trying to make it difficult. No way would I leave them alone for the night.
And no I never go out when they are with us. I see it as we have every other weekend to do as we please, when they are with me, it's our time.
Seems like the consensus is for me to have them...

OP posts:
Original poster
Sharpasknives · 06/06/2017 10:31

And I have to go on holiday when he takes themes holiday as he cant have them for a full week ever.

OP posts:
Sofabitch · 06/06/2017 10:34

I think at 12 and 13 you need way more flexible arrangements.

If its a wedding reception take them with you, or make him pay for a sitter or leave them home alone. They are hardly babies.

It also depends.. is this a one off? He seems to be giving you plenty of notice.

Original poster
Sharpasknives · 06/06/2017 10:40

Mmmm ok. We do ocassionaly swap and change. Eg we have tickets for a festival that falls on his weekend, and he's happy for me to take them.
They would hate the wedding do, and I won't leave them alone in the house at night , so it seems I will have to forfeit my child free weekend, which means I will have them 3 weekends in the row.

OP posts:
Firenight · 06/06/2017 10:43

Definitely ask him to pay for a sitter or see if they can sleepover at a friend's. And he owes you one.

redladybird · 06/06/2017 10:47

I would. I personally don't see my children as inconveniences in my life which is how you both make them sound.

anotherdayanothersquabble · 06/06/2017 10:49

I agree with you. You have to take school holiday expensive holidays. He benefits from the September prices as well as tworking child free weeks.... there will be some way of flying nearby, hiring a car, etc to get round the problem.

If it wasn't a wedding, I might be tempted to swap in return for some other time but as it's a wedding, I would expect him to find a solution.

Do you have any plans that may need his flexibility?? That could change things.

anotherdayanothersquabble · 06/06/2017 10:50

I have friends that would take my children overnight. .. an option maybe?

DeanKoontz · 06/06/2017 10:53

I will have to forfeit my child free weekend, which means I will have them 3 weekends in the row

How awful for you.

MycatsaPirate · 06/06/2017 10:54

Sorry but you can surely sort a sleepover at friends for them that night?

I don't have anyone to regularly take my DD so I have to ask parents of her friends to have her if I need a sitter. She's 11 and no bother at all. I don't see what the issue is tbh. You have months to sort this out.

RebornSlippy · 06/06/2017 10:55

So what if you have them 3 weekends in a row? Weird attitude, OP, they're your kids! I imagine your ex will pay you back in time if it's such a major thing? And yes, maybe it's a good time to sort alternative minders for the next time this clash of schedule occurs. Maybe your ex can come up with someone?

BertrandRussell · 06/06/2017 10:55

They are 12 and 13- not babies! Can they not spend the night with friends? Do you have a friend who would spend the night at your house? Get someone from an agency?

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