WellThatSucks
That is my (limited) experience of US weddings aswell.
I am not from the US, but a couple of years ago we were invited to a wedding in the Hamptons, very posh, out Long Island way. We had been considering a trip to NY anyway, so off we went.
It was absolutely fantastic! The hotel was in Southampton, not too expensive, and it was up to us to choose a place to stay having been given a list.
The church was around the corner from the hotel, so we strolled up. To my amazement not very many people dressed up too much, but however. We are Irish background and love to dazzle at weddings!
Then back to the reception. Free bar for two hours, hic! Then into the meal. Lovely and wine and beer flowing. Was so different to weddings here. No lingering over dinner, scoff it up and get dancing quick!
Everyone got their picture taken going in to the dinner.
There was a rehearsal meal the night before. Was in a local bar/eatery. Great fun and very informal.
After the reception and dancing everyone moved on to a bar in Southampton until the early hours. Great band, and a tab for a couple of hours was paid for by the B and G.
Next day there was a hog roast thing at a beach bar.
OK I can tell you now that we hopped on the "ginty" bus into NY for a few days rest after all that! Happily we combined a great, generous wedding with a trip to NY.
All in all I kinda loved the laid back way they do things over there.
Glad I had the chance to experience it.
It was NOTHING like what OP described. But that may be a North/South divide, I though I read something about Texas earlier. Anyway.
I wouldn't go to any place if I hadn't planned to go there myself anyway. Talking destination weddings here.