About smelly TA

[Calyrical]

DS is in trouble.

The conversation went:

Teacher - "DS, do you want mrs smith to help you with that?"
DS - "no."

DS was still struggling so lost his play. Got told off by the teacher and was asked "and why didn't you want Mrs smith to help you?"
DS "because her breath smells bad."

This is true. However DS has now lost tomorrows play and must write a letter of apology. AIBU to think this is over the top and if you don't want an answer don't ask the question?

Absolutely no grounds for criticism - perfectly valid reason for a 6yr old not to want to work with her. Not even slightly rude if said as reported.

The equivalent in the workplace, if you felt unable to work with someone and didn't feel able to talk to them about it, would be to go to hr and get them to have a word/rearrange/retire on health grounds if it was a medical issue

There's nothing that says you are discriminatory because you don't want to be gagging at work.

Ok fine, FFS

Nothing like being honest! I'd have a word with the teacher and see if she can address the issue in a more delicate fashion.

A lot of kids who have to work with TAs have sensory issues.
So bad breath/fag breath/perfume is worse for them than for others. My DS hates working with any TA. He hates their proximity to him, he hates the smokers, the perfumed, the coffee breathed...He even hates long painted fingernails tap tapping near him.

TAs should be aware that they are encroaching on the personal space of a small person who may not want them there at all, so should try to be as pleasant to be near as possible.
Sorry if that sounds harsh, it isn't meant to.

Sounds like two things- the child being taught about personal remarks not always being appropriate, and the separate one about the TA breath.

WishfulThanking

It matters because a number of posters on this thread have failed to understand what actually happened here.

It's obvious that they think this little boy told the TA to her face that she had bad breath.

He didn't.

He told another teacher when he was asked.

People need to get the facts straight before commenting.

Well, I don't think he was being rude. He was asked a direct question and he answered it. I would not want my child to lie just to spare somebody else's feelings when there is clearly an issue that needs dealing with. How many adults would willingly hang around with somebody with really bad BO for example? I would definitely go into school and have a word with the teacher and I would forbid my child to write a letter of apology. Nobody should have to put up with other people's smells just to be polite.

@WishfulThanking - if you go to the customise section, you can set it so you get 1000 posts per page - so basically the whole thread on one page - that can make it easier to scroll through for the OP's updates.

He shouldn't be punished .. he's only learning . Just a chat about what he said is enough ..

Out of the mouths of babes. Children are so honest. They soon lose it, though. When they get In trouble for it.

If I had death breath or sweaty pits. I'd wanna know

He hasn't said it to her face out of the blue. When asked he said he didn't want her help and didn't give a reason. Appropriate response imo. When asked later why, he gave an honest response. I would speak to someone at school about it, not to complain, but to make sure DS feels able to ask for help when he needs to.

He is doing the TA a favour by being candid. You shouldn't really get upset with children that are honest otherwise you are saying it's alright to lie. My 8 year old says exactly what she thinks and whilst she may get in trouble later in life, to me it's better to be direct and honest than deceitful and indirect. Maybe now TA might get some corsdyl and look after her oral health.

so what precisely is your son being punished for
Answering the teachers question honestly
I too think that the letter is going to be used as a tool to address the chat the head must have with the TA
I wouldn't let my son receive any punishment or write any letter

I think a six year old would call a spade a spade if they were asked. It was rude but he told the truth and didnt say it to the ta's face, which would be ruder. I think a simple 'now that's not very nice , we don't say hurtful things about other people" would've sufficed.

But it's not rude! He was stating a fact!
What other way could he say it that you don't find "rude"?

Agree with Annette - not sure why DS needs to apologise. I worked for years as a civil servant with 2 people with terrible BO: both staff and clients complained, but the bosses pussy-footed around them as they were so concerned about being PC and not being seen as picking on them. No doubt the staff at the school are very aware of the TA's breath problem, but have shied away from confronting it. Don't let your DS apologise for something that should have already been addressed.

Sometimes it is better for everyone if someone speaks out and tells the truth... it's not what you say, it's how you say it. Yes, it is rude to tell someone you do not know very well that their breath smells. No, it is not rude to find some way of telling a well known work colleague who works closely (physically and emotionally) with young children that they have developed an issue with bad breath, particularly when it is a problem bad enough to affect their ability to fulfil their job, because children have stopped asking them for help when they need it. If a child had an issue with bad breath or smelt of BO, it would not be completely ignored just for the sake of politeness - coming to school already smelly would be considered a possible safeguarding issue (eg neglect). So someone would have to pluck up the courage in that case to find a way of raising the issue to check that everything was OK at home! Sometimes, you have to deal with embarrassing issues rather than telling people off for being affected by them.

I don't think he was being rude, just answering a question. What did she expect?
I'd speak to the teacher and ask what da should have done, answer her question truthfully or lie? And do a mumsnet tilt.

*DS

He was NOT rude and has NOTHING to apologise for.
He was asked a straight question and he told the truth. What answer should he have given?! Are those who criticise him or his mother seriously think that a 4yo should be expected to dissemble and indeed, come up with a complicated and socially nuanced lie to explain why he had done as he had?
He did not call the TA names. He did not run into the room and say her breath smelled. He reacted instinctively, was asked to explain his reaction and he did. Privately. I am appalled that anyone criticises that.

I thought at first you meant the Territorial Army!

Do, not are, obvs.
Type in haste, redden at leisure.

The teacher shouldnt ask questions they dont want an honest answer to. Expecting a careful tactfully thought-out answer from a 6-year old is rather optimistic.

So he was punished for answering honestly?

So the teacher expects him to make up a lie about the next thing he asks him just in case the answer doesnt suit him?

I would be telling them where to stick their 'punishment' this is definately a case where the teacher is in the wrong. The boy did nothing wrong to merit losing playtime and the TA doesnt need an apology as they were not there. I would ask what the punishment for lying is if they punish telling the truth?

A quick chat about it and addressing the T.As problem is all thats needed. Some mints or gum would go a long way.