About smelly TA

[Calyrical]

DS is in trouble.

The conversation went:

Teacher - "DS, do you want mrs smith to help you with that?"
DS - "no."

DS was still struggling so lost his play. Got told off by the teacher and was asked "and why didn't you want Mrs smith to help you?"
DS "because her breath smells bad."

This is true. However DS has now lost tomorrows play and must write a letter of apology. AIBU to think this is over the top and if you don't want an answer don't ask the question?

Perhaps the TA is unaware of it (though goodness knows how if it's really that bad) and the fact that someone has now pointed it out means she'll do something about it?

Presumably as the comment was made out of the TA's hearing, she is completely oblivious to the comment?
Why would the teacher want to draw her attention to this?

you don't make personal remarks, even if they're true

Why? Genuine question.

Not that unusual to be so direct when they are in Year 1. Teacher could have been better at handling it. He needs to be taught how to say these things sensitively. If he has not come across this exact situation before, ie. how to answer someone in authority truthfully but sensitively, then he is going to find it difficult. Is she quite a new teacher?

maybe he said in a rude way rather then kindly?

How ridiculous. I'd be furious.

When he was asked if he wanted her to help he said 'No thank you' then when asked by the teacher he was honest.

What the actual fuck is she doing punishing him for telling the truth?

How awful teaching him he can't be honest with his teacher for fear of getting in trouble. Teachers should be a safe option to confide in.

I'd be having very stern words with the Head and getting an apology from the stupid bloody teacher. Things like this can affect children & their schooling for a long time.

I am pretty old school when it comes to manners.
But I am not sure about this incident.
Its very unpleasant being around someone with terrible breath and kids don't get much choice or opportunity to express themselves wrt to this sort of thing.
He was asked a question and he answered it.
I don't think he should be punished.

Depends entirely on how old he is, but clearly at some point he will need to learn that you can't just make personal remarks, even if they are true
I think it is ridiculous nowadays that you can't say things that are true just because it might hurt people's feelings.

A friend of mine who is a GP is really wary of mentioning weight to overweight patients after she advised one of them that they should think about losing a bit of weight to feel healthier and they complained about her.

He needs to be taught how to say these things sensitively

Waht would you tell him to say then?
An adult might say she had halitosis but I doubt he knows that word yet.

WTAF? Punishing someone because you dont like their answer to a question that you asked is bang out of order. This is the kind of thing that destroys children's trust in adults. If this 6yo has any problems for the rest of the year will he tell his teacher? Probably not because he has learned that he cant tell the truth. It makes me so angry when children get called rude or disrespectful. Respect goes both ways.

Obviously what your DS said was out of line, and hopefully he will grow out of making such blunt remarks - and that poor TA! - but kids really do just say the funniest things at times.
Why was the DS out of line??

He was asked a question and he gave an honest answer.

It's not like he said it to the TA's face in front of everyone.

I feel really sorry for him, he's lost 2 play times and has had to write a letter of apology for being put on the spot.

Too much poor TA here, she has bad breath.

Your DS was being honest, don't let them punish him!

The TA should be taught how to brush her teeth & tongue.

Tell her to stay away from coffee and fags.

British people are so paranoid about upsetting people!

It's one thing making personal remarks directly to someone in a nasty way but how are you supposed to ask a manager to have a word about a smelly colleague then ?

Excuse me Mr Boss could you have a word with Mr Bloggs about the atmosphere surrounding him as it doesn't smell to my liking .

You'd just say he has body odour / bad breath surely. Which is all the Op's son was saying.

So what options did this boy have?

1 - Answer the question honestly - rude and unacceptable, according to some.

2 - Lie - don't we tell children lying is wrong?

3 - Refuse to answer the teacher's direct question - surely that would be considered rude?

He was asked a direct question and answered it honestly - yes, what he said was not a nice thing to say, but equally, it is not a nice thing to have to deal with in someone who spends time in close proximity to you.

@Trifleorbust - if one of your colleagues had really bad BO or halitosis - bad enough that it made people uncomfortable to be near them, and other people were complaining to you about it - what would you do? Would you expect your colleagues and students to carry on working in close proximity to something that unpleasant?

He was asked a question and he answered it. It may have been mean or inappropriate but I believe it's inappropriate to not have proper hygiene at work tbh.
Especially if it's interfering with her work? How many children don't want to work with her because of this, it's sad but her managers need to have a chat with her. It's unfair on your son tbh I'd complain and mention that it's clearly interfering with his (and other children's) learning. Most workplaces have hygiene rules!
I used to work with a man who had awful breath and everyone found it hard to be around him and work with him. Very nice man but had no friends because he smelt bad, if someone had helped him out he would have had a much better quality of life imo.

Fucks' sake, wouldn't want to be a kid in Trifle's class.

Queen - from the utterly bonkers crap she says on here I can't imagine she has many fans at school.

How humiliating and embarrassing it must be to find out that people would rather not get anywhere near you because your breath smells, but nobody has ever had the courtesy to find a kind way to tell you so that you can do something about it. Halitosis is not generally an incurable condition - it has a cause which needs treating. People do not always realise themselves if they or their breath smells rotten.

I think perhaps Trifle thought the TA was present? I'd agree it would be rude if she was.

(What does trifleorbust mean?)

SDTG Agree with all this.

I'm also pretty old school when it comes to kindness and consideration but the child here was not rude to the TA they answered truthfully to a direct question from an authority figure.

Consideration goes both ways - is it rude for someone to inflict halitosis BO on others if they are aware?

Less flippantly its not fair on the TA if she isn't aware - she can't do anything about it if everyone pretends there isn't a problem. If its that bad she might wonder why kids don't want to work with her and some bright spark with less manners will make thing of it.

Exactly what round says. Someone needs to be kind to her and tell her, it's like if your skirt is tucked into your knickers. The longer no one tells you the more embarrassing it is.

A six year old should know this is rude even if it is true.

Most kids I know would hesitate massively to say something like that about an adult because they have been taught to be respectful. They are likely to say, "I don't want to say because it's rude" or similar.

But the response to that is likely to be "You can tell me". What should the child say then, Trifle?

I had bad breath for goodness knows how long without knowing it. Only one person mentioned it (and quite rudely) to me, but I didn't take it seriously as it was someone who used to make a habit of being unpleasant to me.

The cause was a tooth quietly and painlessly rotting away on the inside. It happened quite fast as I had had xrays less than a year before which didn't show anything amiss.