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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

About smelly TA

152 replies

Calyrical · 05/06/2017 16:16

DS is in trouble.

The conversation went:

Teacher - "DS, do you want mrs smith to help you with that?"
DS - "no."

DS was still struggling so lost his play. Got told off by the teacher and was asked "and why didn't you want Mrs smith to help you?"
DS "because her breath smells bad."

This is true. However DS has now lost tomorrows play and must write a letter of apology. AIBU to think this is over the top and if you don't want an answer don't ask the question?

OP posts:
NotCitrus · 05/06/2017 17:18

Was the TA there when the teacher asked?
Given the teacher pressed him for a reason, I think it's a lot to expect of a 6yo to come up with a white lie rather than telling the truth, especially when the teacher needed to know why the boy didn't want the TA near him!

Dn is supposed to have support in class and had a supply TA with bad breath who liked hovering irritatingly. Dn was 7 and managed to say "please could you go away from me" but when the TA asked "why don't you want me to help you", dn answered "because you smell funny" - which apparently was true, and yes, rude, but it was also valuable information for the TA as the teeacher and other children had been too polite to tell him. So dn was advised on some better ways to mention smells and to tell the teacher about TAs next time, and that was it. No idea if the TA bloke stopped smelling as he didn't return.

DotForShort · 05/06/2017 17:18

A completely OTT reaction on the part of the teacher. Your child was asked a direct question and he gave an honest answer. He wasn't being rude or intentionally unkind, as far as I can see. I would speak with the teacher if I were you.

Trifleorbust · 05/06/2017 17:18

NotYoda

Erm, nope. I honestly think this.

Original poster
Calyrical · 05/06/2017 17:19

No, the TA wasn't there.

Seriously, my children are polite. I really do think he thought he was being asked a genuine question.

OP posts:
NotYoda · 05/06/2017 17:19

crikey

Trifleorbust · 05/06/2017 17:20

BarbarianMum

As I say, children I know who have been taught to be genuinely respectful to adults, including teachers and support staff, wouldn't dream of answering that question like that.

29Palms · 05/06/2017 17:20

I am completely baffled as to why people are saying the child was rude.
He didn't say 'Your breath smells' to the person in question.
He was asked a question by someone else and he answered truthfully.
That's not rude.
Now that it's been raised, the problem can be addressed by the staff in a diplomatic way.

NotYoda · 05/06/2017 17:20

golly

Trifleorbust · 05/06/2017 17:20

Calyrical

Fair enough, OP. Are you going to (or have you already) explain to him that he was rude?

YellowPrimula · 05/06/2017 17:22

But Trifle the child is in school to learn , the TA's problem ( albeit possibly beyond her control) is impairing his ability to learn and therefore it is her responsibility to address this problem, not to punish the child for answering her question.

On your criteria if a child was being abused or bullied they shouldn't disclose to you because that would be rude and personal about the abuser/ bully .Surely the child should should feel confident disclosing anything which he feels uncomfortable about to the responsible adults in his world , his parents and his teacher being in many cases primary to this .

Trifleorbust · 05/06/2017 17:23

YellowPrimula

That doesn't make it acceptable to speak about her like that.

MissEliza · 05/06/2017 17:23

It is rude of the Op's ds but as a TA myself, I'm very aware of personal hygiene. I don't think it's fair on kids to have someone smelly leaning over them!

Trifleorbust · 05/06/2017 17:25

I agree it should be addressed, but that is the role of the TA's line manager, really. If it is that noticeable it should have been picked up.

YellowPrimula · 05/06/2017 17:26

So I ask you again; what should he have said that was both truthful and informative to the teacher.Givem that no child should be encouraged to lie and also given that the TA in question was not present

BerylStreep · 05/06/2017 17:26

What a bonkers thread.

The teacher asked him for the reason. He replied honestly.

It's all very well teaching children not to make personal comments, but this is an entirely different situation. He was answering a direct question from someone in authority.

I assume you have heard this direct from your DS? If that is the case I would speak to the teacher to try to understand exactly what occurred. If she confirms it happened the way your son reported it, I would be inclined to challenge her on the way she dealt with it.

NotYoda · 05/06/2017 17:29

TAs get much closer to KS1 children than they do to teachers.

StrangeLookingParasite · 05/06/2017 17:31

it wouldn't be unreasonable to say this was bullying

What a grotesque overexaggeration.

PeaFaceMcgee · 05/06/2017 17:32

It's not remotely rude. He stated a fact.

it's not appropriate to mention/make comments about someone's breath to anyone

Wrong. Plain wrong. It is appropriate to feedback on smelly breath when it is affecting your work, particularly when directly questioned on it. He was perfectly polite.

CondensedMilkSarnies · 05/06/2017 17:33

He wasn't rude at at all ! If you were reporting a colleague for personal hygiene issues , you'd say so and so has bad breath , you wouldn't beat about the bush would you ?

PeaFaceMcgee · 05/06/2017 17:34

All he's learnt is that you must put up with things to your own detriment, if they might embarrass someone Angry

Children have little autonomy in school as it is, without having to put up and shut up when forced to work in disgusting conditions.

roundaboutthetown · 05/06/2017 17:35

If he didn't say it to the TA, or within her earshot, who on earth is he supposed to be writing a letter of apology to?! I don't actually think he was rude if he said this in confidence to the teacher. I think the teacher is just trying to avoid an embarrassing conversation with the TA... If her breath is so appalling, he would rather get into trouble for not completing his work than sit next to her and have her breathe into his face, then at six years old, I think he needs forgiving for his honesty!

HopeYourCakeIsShit · 05/06/2017 17:36

Absolutely peaface.

Jaxhog · 05/06/2017 17:36

I agree that this is a good opportunity to teach him that you don't make personal remarks, even if they're true. Although many adults would do the same if asked directly like this! Since it wasn't made to the person in question, I'm at a loss as to who he's supposed to write a letter of apology to?

Be worth checking exactly what your DS has been asked to do. He might have got confused if it was badly explained.

BarbarianMum · 05/06/2017 17:37

So what should he have said Trifle? Or should he suffer in silence? And what should he have replied to his teacher's question?

roundaboutthetown · 05/06/2017 17:37

And the TA should be told - if her breath is that rank, she has a health or hygiene problem which needs fixing urgently.

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