About smelly TA

[Calyrical]

DS is in trouble.

The conversation went:

Teacher - "DS, do you want mrs smith to help you with that?"
DS - "no."

DS was still struggling so lost his play. Got told off by the teacher and was asked "and why didn't you want Mrs smith to help you?"
DS "because her breath smells bad."

This is true. However DS has now lost tomorrows play and must write a letter of apology. AIBU to think this is over the top and if you don't want an answer don't ask the question?

Trifle the boy didn't declare it out of the blue, he was pushed for a reason. That's slightly different.

Absolutely Trifle but he didn't make it TO the TA, and he was asked a direct question.

Trifle

I worked with a child who said my breath smelled. And it did (of garlic). I apologised to her. I don't much like the smell of garlic.myself and it can't have been nice for her. Then I explained that saying it in a different way would be kinder.

This child is 6

And this child didn't say it to the TA. He said it to his teacher.

Calyrical

He was, but it is still a very personal comment and a negative one. I think it reasonable to expect a 6 year old to know not to say things like that, whether asked a question or not.

NotYoda

As I say, I think a 6 year old should know not to make personal comments.

Giddyaunt18

Well, my opinion is different. He should have been taught better.

Surely its a failure of the school management/leadership not to deal with a staff problem like that? They must have also noticed it!!

He does, Trifle, but I think he took the teachers question at face value.

I've worked with a few stinky people: never been addressed to my knowledge!

I had a lecturer who had awful breath and would lean over your shoulder to talk about what you were doing at a computer. Everyone hated it, it made you feel sick.

He missed a few lessons and when he came back he told us that he had been in hospital having various investigations to do with his breath. We had all assumed he didn't know and just needed some gum or something.

She may have a medical problem that the teacher is aware of, and that is why she is 'defending' the TA.

I still don't think it's fair to your ds though if he didn't intend to be rude.

Trifle

OK then

He should have been taught better

What? To lie to the teacher when he was pushed for a reason? That's a pretty adult capability to put onto a 6 year old isn't it.

Adults can't just announce that their colleagues' breath smells bad - you'd wind up in front of HR

Actually, sometimes issues like bad breath and BO do need to be addressed in the workplace.

But trifle what should he have said , the teacher pushed him for a reason, he didn't volonteer it .As far as we know he did not say it to the TA or in the TAs hearing.

Surely it is reasonable for him to expect the teacher to take on board his reason and discretely handle it .A child of six should be able to explain something to his teacher in confidence and in the knowledge that she will deal with it in a sensitive way because it is too difficult for him to deal with.Or are you suggesting that he should have lied to his teacher .

When a member of my staff came to me with a similar problem , I did not discipline the complainant , I had to speak sympathetically but honestly with the staff member with the hygiene problem, to ensure a comfortable working environment for the whole team.

The teacher should not have asked if she didn't want an answer. He stated a simple fact. At the most she should have pulled him up on it and told him that it is very impolite to say things like that. At 6 he won't have the social graces we do as adults.

And I wish someone had come out and said it to Mr F the English teacher. Five bloody years we had to put up with his horrendous breath that could have killed small animals.

JacquesHammer

He should have been taught to not make such personal comments. I would excuse it in a 4 year old but a 6 year old should know better and yes, I would punish it so he knows for next time. He wouldn't like it if a fellow student said that about him and it wouldn't be unreasonable to say this was bullying, so he is clearly old enough to know.

YellowPrimula

I think it is rude and he should know better. Perhaps the teacher shouldn't have asked, but I imagine he or she wouldn't have expected him to say something as personal as that.

YY

The OP has failed in her parental duty to teach her small child to lie when asked a direct question by an authority figure

I don't think it's very fair, especially if her breath is as bad as you say.
He wasn't deliberately rude and he was pushed for an answer.
What degree of sophistication do people expect from a 6 year old when pressed in a situation like that?
Some people have stomach churning breath, I certainly wouldn't want Mrs.Smith leaning over me explaining fractions in that situation.

WHAT A LOAD OF HORSESHIT

I don't agree. He was asked and was honest. Maybe you think he should have lied?

NotYoda

Most kids I know would hesitate massively to say something like that about an adult because they have been taught to be respectful. They are likely to say, "I don't want to say because it's rude" or similar.

^ those Caps were to Trifle

I now know you are going round AIBU being contrary. Fun times

I think we'll have to agree to disagree

Now would be the time to each him social etiquette. Really something you should have been teaching about since he started school. My dd is 5 and knows it's not appropriate to mention/make comments about someone's looks or breath to anyone.