To say yes, I CAN have a tidy home and a DC?

[VincentIsGodly]

My house is never a mess, and I take pride in organisation and I'm a bit of a classic decor lover... I love it.

DS1 is due in November. I'm getting varied comments about never being able to keep my house tidy once DS arrives. Similar to this, I have a lot of people laugh at me and make snidey comments when I dare mention (after being pressed), about birth plan, of which includes natural birthing strategies with gas and air as an aid. Because how dare I have a single plan

Bit of background. I took on a DC of 1 week until he was 4 months old a few years back. It's a personal, family issue, but my house was not a mess. It was trickier but also therapeutic.

I have never, ever dared mention cleaning or anything to anyone. If someone has a messy house, so what? Maybe instead of cleaning to a photo standard, they watch a box set etc. It doesn't bother me and I don't think any less of anyone who isn't exactly tidy.

However, I'm quite sick of friends and family coming over and making comments of how I'll be joining them and their messy houses very soon.

Yes, sometimes things won't be so great but that's fine! I have a tiny baby. But, I'll still make the effort as I did looking after an infant before.

Yes, birth plans often don't go to plan. That's no reason not to have an idea of what I want, is it? I won't put myself down if it goes tits up. My body is amazing regardless.

AIBU here to tell people straight next time? It's turning into more than the odd comment.

I have two DC and a tidy house. I can't bear living in a mess. Babies do generate a lot of stuff, but you can keep it tidy easily enough if it's important to you.

Birth plans don't always go to plan, but I find it odd that people are being so dismissive of yours. FWIW, my birth plan for DC2 said I wanted all the pain relief available, but I ended up having none!

My house is spotless, im a single parent to two dcs. It's used as an excuse imo. People say "I'd rather spend time with my dcs than clean" when in reality people sit watching tv or on phone in the same room as their dc who are playing lego or whatever.

when in reality people sit watching tv or on phone in the same room as their dc who are playing lego or whatever.

Your point being....?

When it was just me and baby DD it was fairly easy to keep the house relatively tidy. Of course sometimes dishes or laundry piled up and I prioritised a nap over cleaning but for the most part I kept on top of things.

Now I have DD1 (3.10), DS (23m) and DTs (7m) it is almost impossible to keep the house tidy. Everything piles up and DP and I struggle to keep on top of things. DD is a whirlwind, DS has epilepsy and learning difficulties and DT1 has complex needs linked to her premature birth, neither feed or sleep well and I haven't the time or energy to keep the house as I might like it.

Of course it can be possible to keep a tidy home with DC but you can't predict the nature of your future children - how much mess they will cause, how much sleep they will deprive you of, how often they will need to feed, whether they will refuse to sleep unless you are holding them etc. If you have an easy baby and no other DC then I'm sure you will be able to keep a clean house but it becomes harder once your baby becomes a toddler, and harder still if you add another child into the mix and harder again if that new baby is high needs.

Good point, MoominFlaps. You complain about "snidey comments" and then comment you think people untidier than you watch box sets instead of cleaning? What a contemptuous comment from you, OP.

My house was a shithole before I had kids. It is still a shithole now I have 2, except all the mess is now child mess. I am an untidy (not dirty) person. For some reason, when the house is tidy and organised; I feel a bit panicked and out of place.

Throwing a second child into the mix makes anything harder, but there's no reason you shouldn't manage to tidy, especially as you are already a tidy person.

And ignore people that criticise your birth plan. I did it with gas and air.

I hate it when women patronise other women about childbirth and raising kids. You sound perfectly reasonable and not clueless at all!

Oh no people have said its worse with teens...i was hoping it would be better

I've got 3 DC - 6, 9 and 12 years old - and I'm also really tidy, and always have been. I don't judge anyone with a messy house, I don't really care unless it's my space, but I do get a bit twitchy about things being clean and tidy. I hate the assertion that we've got a tidy house so must lead dull boring lives, it's just not true. Yes it takes a bit of effort but I love the feeling of having everything organised and tidy and I don't function well unless it is.

We've got good storage, which helps, and 3 children who are old enough to clear up their own mess now, and dh helps out too, so it's a team effort these days, unlike the baby toddler years when it was down to just do and I

Sure you can. But to do so I recommend you don't have dc with disabilities. Don't develope disabilities yourself. No pnd allowed. Don't persevere nursing very difficult feeders where all you do is feed 24/7 for months. Don't have twin babies who then turn into toddlers whilst you are pregnant with another (unplanned) dc. Don't find more comfort and support in going out to groups to meet other mums rather than in cleaning. Don't have dc that never sleep-I mean never, 8 years in and never a full night yet.

Oh and as from gas and air I recommend not having forceps and third degree tear repair on only gas and air.

Good luck. If tidy matters to you go for it but some things in life matter more. And the messy play photos and muddy welly prints are cute moments too.

My house is always clean and tidy. I blitzed the house before dc1 came and my mum helped me clean in the early weeks (dh was in a new job so worked long hrs).
Sometimes we have toy mess out, but it's never cluttered. Every toy has its place. When they are teeny, it's easy to keep order of its started out as ordered. The only thing that piled up a bit was the washing.

Two dc now and my house remains spotless.

And only gas and air for dc1 and nothing for dc2 as he was born fast at home.

Just keep an open mind. You'll be fine.

Never an excuse for a stahp to have a really messy house. Slightly untidy is ok but if you spend all your time at home, the expectation is you'll keep a clean and hygenic home. If you can't then maybe being a stahp is not for you.

My house is always clean and I have two under two, and pregnant, although at least one room is generally messy most of the day with toddler toys etc. However, clearing them away takes a couple of minutes at most and the house stops looking like a playgroup.

Your birth plan is fine as long as you keep it exactly as that - a plan, and not a definite expectation or insistence that could put you or your baby at risk. Every woman could go through labour without painkillers, just like we can all have our wisdom teeth extracted without them. It doesn't mean anything though (and I say this as someone who labours very fast and has always been fully dilated by the time I first get examined when in labour, so missed out on having a wanted epidural).

People who are tidy before baby are usually still tidy after one. It gets a bit messier when they're toddlers though but only while they're playing.

As for the birth plan, people laugh because you can't plan a birth, it's a lottery, it'll go whichever way your body decides. Sometimes it'll go in the same direction as your plan, sometimes not.

Minding someone else's newborn isnt the same as being pregnant, giving birth, breastfeeding and minding a newborn. You have no idea yet how much trauma your body will go through, whether there'll be birth injuries, whether you'll be recovering from surgery, how exhausted you will be or how your hormones will affect you. You might be lucky but you may not be. You won't know until it happens.

My house was always tidy before I had DS. I also had childcare experience. I also thought mums who didn't have a clean house were "watching boxsets instead" (just say what you meant OP and say they're lazy!) And mums who didn't manage to eat all day were just saying that as an excuse for starving themselves deliberately to lose baby weight.

Then I had DS.

I had a ventouse delivery with a 3rd degree tear and only gas & air (which is like taking paracetamol). DS was manually turned by the doctor internally, leading to massive bruising and needing a catheter for a while. Breastfeeding was a disaster. I ended up having severe PND, PTSD and anxiety which led to me being terrified about leaving DS in the living room to even go for a wee. As a result I physically couldn't do something say hang up some washing out of sight of DS without shaking.
Even just sitting next to him while he was asleep I felt scared and low. So yeah, I watched boxsets on Netflix because it kept me sane until DH came home and together we could sort the house out.
DS ended up being very colicy baby who never wanted to be put down once the sleepy newborn phase ended too.
It's hard to justify ignoring a screaming baby because you want to vacuum. I mean, what's more important really?

What Hold said.

If you are tidy before children, then you'll stay the same after. Quite a few of my friends are very houseproud and have more than one child. It can be done, worry not OP.

Sadly giving birth did not change my natural inclination to untidiness, nor did it unclutter my house, cure DH of hoarding or give me more hours in the day to get my shit together .

Just nod and smile, who cares what they think

My house was always clean and tidy when son was a baby/toddler because I was a SAHP, and so even during the worst of the sleepless nights the housework didn't suffer. Even at primary school (I was part time and deliberately stayed at a low grade so I didn't have to take work home with me) the house was clean and tidy. But now he's at secondary school, I'm back to full-time, climbing the career ladder again and taking work home with me, so the house has suffered. The downstairs looks clean and tidy, the upstairs is variable between 'acceptable' and 'the pits', and on closer inspection (even downstairs) things like skirtings, tops of doors, plant leaves etc haven't been cleaned. I no longer have time/inclination to scrub the grout with a toothbrush etc. What makes it worse is that I used to be very insomniac, and would clean when I was wakeful. I sleep through now :-(

Op I had to date check this as I have read the exact same thing v recently.....

Depends on you and your baby. You could get a baby which sleeps ten minutes per hour and no more. A terribly refluxy baby. A baby thats permanently attached to your boobs. Or you might not. You might even be fine if you do.

Just don't put too much pressure on yourself and use a shrug and an 'ok' when people comment. Because once you give birth you invite unsolicited comments whether you like then or not .

Same goes for the birth plan. Know what you'd like but don't make it a big thing. I was (am) quite controlling of myself and not having the perfect birth or being able to maintain a high house standard made me feel more crap and heightened my post partum mental health issues.

Be prepared, plan but don't be adverse to flexibility. And ignore those who scoff at you.

I have a 3 year old and my house is always tidy! He's been taught since tiny to put whatever he is playing with away before getting something else out. He loves using his little Hoover and lawnmower when I'm using mine. He's going to make someone a lovely husband!

Haven't read all the replies but I'm sure someone else will have pointed out that a 4 month old who isn't mobile yet doesn't really make much mess in comparison to a toddler.
It's certainly possible to avoid kids making mess but it's a bit joyless for them and doesn't encourage them to be particularly creative.
I could have let my kids do jigsaws then carefully put them away before playing with anything else but I'd much rather see them working out if they could fit the jigsaw pieces into different bits of the shape sorter, then stacking other stuff on top, then declaring it looks like a palace and getting some people figures to add to the play. Then deciding to make a flag for the roof and getting scissors, pens, tape etc out. Mess can be tidied when they're in bed.

My house is relatively tidy. Not spotless, but it's certainly not a tip. My toddler naps for 2 hours a day, sleeps 11 hours a night and I'm a sahm. Plenty of time to clean (or watch Netflix with a cup of tea)

I find it hard to motivate myself to do big jobs like cleaning out a cupboard, but keeping on top of the hoovering, washing, picking up toys, cleaning kitchen and bathroom can be done usually in an hour a day and I still have time to chill for a bit too. Sometimes of course I can't be bothered, but the mess usually gets to me after a few days.

My birth didn't go to "plan" but no harm in having an idea of what you want. Just be prepared to be flexible

My house was always pretty tidy when DD was litle (especially as a newborn). BUT, it did change a bit when she a toddler/preschooler but it was never a shit tip.
That said, DD was an easy baby/child mostly and would happily play and amuse herself plus she had a morning sleep in her pram in the garden until about a year (for 2.5 hours outside, rain or shine). This made a huge difference.
I can imagine however with perhaps a diffucult baby (reflux, colic etc), it might not be as easy.

Up until now you have been able to control your world to a significant extent OP. From here on in, you have to roll with whatever you get - that's a scary change. You may be able to keep a tidy house if you have an easy baby who naps. You may not, if you have a tough ride with colic/reflux/PNT. You may get the birth you want, you may not. Just keep talking to us, you'll be OK, which is what I think you are really asking?