To say yes, I CAN have a tidy home and a DC?

[VincentIsGodly]

My house is never a mess, and I take pride in organisation and I'm a bit of a classic decor lover... I love it.

DS1 is due in November. I'm getting varied comments about never being able to keep my house tidy once DS arrives. Similar to this, I have a lot of people laugh at me and make snidey comments when I dare mention (after being pressed), about birth plan, of which includes natural birthing strategies with gas and air as an aid. Because how dare I have a single plan

Bit of background. I took on a DC of 1 week until he was 4 months old a few years back. It's a personal, family issue, but my house was not a mess. It was trickier but also therapeutic.

I have never, ever dared mention cleaning or anything to anyone. If someone has a messy house, so what? Maybe instead of cleaning to a photo standard, they watch a box set etc. It doesn't bother me and I don't think any less of anyone who isn't exactly tidy.

However, I'm quite sick of friends and family coming over and making comments of how I'll be joining them and their messy houses very soon.

Yes, sometimes things won't be so great but that's fine! I have a tiny baby. But, I'll still make the effort as I did looking after an infant before.

Yes, birth plans often don't go to plan. That's no reason not to have an idea of what I want, is it? I won't put myself down if it goes tits up. My body is amazing regardless.

AIBU here to tell people straight next time? It's turning into more than the odd comment.

When I has 1 child my house was immaculate at all times, the I had twins and again very tidy until they were probably about 18 months, add 4th child to the mix and it just depends on what day you come. 😂

We and recently moved to a much smaller house (from 5 bed to 3 bed) so currently my 3 boys share a room, it's usually a mess lol 😂 the garden is currently a mess and my living room has piles of the kids clothes I sorted tonight but they are asleep so I'll put it away tomorrow. I've learnt to just let things go. I certainly feel much happier when the house is tidy, but I also have 2 kids at home full time (my eldest has special needs and local school refuse to take him) and a toddler, I spend a vast amount of time fighting my son's case, I'm also at uni and assignments certainly take up a lot of time at certain points, so sometimes cleaning takes a back step.

I've also decided if my kids are sick then I don't care about the house, especially when they are young, nothing nicer than cuddles on the sofa watching crap cartoons all day 😂

I know many of my friends think I'm crazy tidy, but it just depends when they turn up, since we moved we spent a lot of time doing work to the garden and honesty didn't touch the house for days and it would be shocking. 😂 ... what I don't have is much clutter though ... but one of my kids spilt an a tire tub of millions sweets things morning and I'm still finding the bloody things 😂

My house was spotless until Dd came along. Having three under five I was glad

Looking after a baby from 1 week old to 4 months meant you weren't pregnant for 9 months and didn't give birth. Which mean you had the huge advantage of getting proper sleep before the baby turned up.

I too had a birth plan with just gas and air and ended up with an EMCS.
My dd was a terrible sleeper and I had her attached to me almost all day and night so cleaning beyond the very basic was quite difficult.

Look, I really, really hope you have a very easy birth and a very easy chikd(they do exist) but if you don't, please don't beat up yourself when you're sat on the sofa feeding your newborn, exhausted but happy and surrounded by chaos! I reakon 90% of women go through this and it is OK!

My house was spotless until Dd came along. Having three under five I was glad to get through the day intact. I've recovered, the house hasn't!

I have diagnosed OCD and have always had a lovely clean home, even when ds1 came
along who's now 14.

Then something happened- my beautiful
dd was born who is the messiest, scruffiest child ever and my poor house has taken the hit!
She's 6 now and is the happiest child but a complete nightmare when it comes to keeping anything nice, she's like a tornado that destroys everything in its path.

So on one hand i totally agree with you
and on the other hand I think " I thought that too " I certainly have to work much harder to keep things nice and if left for one day it looks like shit creek

Wait til that little 4 month old is 10 years old with 3 younger siblings!

And if you plan on working full time aswell......... Well, just good luck. If you manage it, write a book please

I have 2dc and my house is always tidy and clean, I do find I am picking stuff up all day though. I have lots of toy boxes, so the toys are easy to put away and I spend at least 1 day a week giving each room a good clean top to bottom. I try to keep on top of it as much as I can as I can't relax if the house is messy. I work 4 days too, it is a struggle to keep on top of it though.

I think it's perfectly possible, I have many friends who live in lovely tidy houses. Unfortunately I'm not one of them, and I can't even blame my kids as I was like it well before they came along!

But if you're a naturally tidy person then I don't see any reason it can't continue. It may not be as tidy as it was pre-children, but it won't be as messy as my house!

There's nothing wrong with having a birth plan either, and you sound pretty realistic about how it may not go to plan. That doesn't mean you shouldn't write one though.

Tidy house- doable with lots of work.

Birth plan- wrap your sandwiches in that one, it is only there to soothe mum. It might go to plan, then great, no birth plan needed.

"I would like a traumatic delivery with a crash section whilst fully dilated" said no-one ever, but if it is what is needed for mum and baby to live, it will be done.

I think that's unfair IfYouGo yes she wouldn't have gone through pregnancy and birth, but would have a newborn whom wasn't biologically hers (for who knows what reason) my mum knows a foster carer who takes a lot of newbies and it can be very hard work! Also very rewarding, but just think for a second of the reasons a newborn might not be with its own parents.

Sure it's possible. I think perhaps people are trying to temper your expectations so you don't tidy yourself into PPD. A formula fed DC who sleeps and is on a schedule with no reflux? Yup you could do it no problem. A traumatic birth followed by breastfeeding on demand and throw in some reflux just for fun and absolutely no way. You'll be lucky if you can see the floor. If it's something that's very important to you then go for it but expectations can be a killer when it all goes tits up.

And if you plan on working full time aswell......... Well, just good luck. If you manage it, write a book please smile

I worked full time with my 3 under 5 and tidy house. It was way easier than if we were home all day. I left the house pretty ok in the morning and returned to it the same way. If I was home, the place would have been far more wrecked.

Birth plan- wrap your sandwiches in that one, it is only there to soothe mum. It might go to plan, then great, no birth plan needed.

Actually I don't think this is strictly speaking true. On my first birth I had a high-forceps delivery after an unplanned misery of a labour. If I was more educated about what was likely to ensue, I would have put in my birth plan that i did not consent to forceps and would have refused consent. birth plans aren't always about what music is being played etc. I wish I had thought more clearly about what was likely to go wrong than presuming it would all go swimmingly.

My boys are 21 months apart and I always had a tidy house. Even through depression and little kids I had a tidy house. But I grew up in a filthy, messy house and never wanted to live that way nice I left home. It was horrible, embarrassing and we were never allowed to have any one visit because of it. No bloody way were my kids growing up like that!

Some people are just a bit mean and express it through humour. If your house becomes messy this time around, your friends and family will say, smugly, I told you so!
If you continue to keep things shipshape, I expect they'll imply you are a bit anal and should relax and enjoy these precious early months/years more. So either way it could upset you especially with your hormones on high alert.
It sounds like they don't value tidiness as much as you and are lazier but instead of sharing your live and let live attitude, they perhaps feel inferior so make themselves feel better by knocking you any which way.

These threads never go well.

Yes, of course it's possible to have DC and a tidy house.

You must recognise that certain rooms will be untidy WHILE they're playing, but other than that - of course it's possible.

Good for you OP.

For me you pick your battles.

It's either a very tidy house, loads of activities with the kids, or home cooking, showered and made up etc.

You can't do everything. You can do some, but not all.

Who actually cares? Everyone is different. Whatever suits you.
And for the record 4 month olds don't tend to make much mess so I'd say THAT experience doesn't really count.
Also after the 2nd child I've now lowered my standards. Life is too short.

Of course it's possible, it's just a lot more work.

I have twins, work full time and keep a tidy house without a cleaner. But it's a lot of work.

It doesn't really matter though, you know, if it slips a bit. It's just a house.

As for birth plans, it super to have one but what will be will be.

My house was clean and tidy when I had 2 under 2. Having a third with 2 older siblings who love Lego and crafts has challenged me though 😀
Good luck with your birth plan. I think it's great to have one as long as you're fairly flexible in case of changes needed on the day.

I have a 2yr old and a tidy house. And DH and I both work.

That's not me being smug. That's just how it is, can't stand mess and clutter and tidy up at the end of every day when DS goes to bed or during the day when he naps.

You don't have to live in a messy house just because you have a child....

Sometimes life goes your way .... sometimes it doesn't

Sometimes you have control to run your life the way you want - tidy house and all .... sometimes life throw bricks at you from a great height and all you can do is crawl along the ground and dodge them

People can trick themselves into believing it's down to their good planning and good character ... and look down and those who view the "box set" ... but it's mostly circumstances and happenstance .... sometimes hardwork

But make no mistake ... good hardworking folks can be driven down and barely survive due to things of which they have no control

My flat is super tidy whenever anyone comes over. It's carnage the rest of the time

I have a 15mo and he just creates chaos. It's ok though, he's a kid and I'm not going to get anal about tidiness while he's still so little.

It depends what you mean by tidy. We had more stuff in our flat after the twins arrived but it was rarely messy as the flat was too small to leave stuff out everywhere.