To say yes, I CAN have a tidy home and a DC?

[VincentIsGodly]

My house is never a mess, and I take pride in organisation and I'm a bit of a classic decor lover... I love it.

DS1 is due in November. I'm getting varied comments about never being able to keep my house tidy once DS arrives. Similar to this, I have a lot of people laugh at me and make snidey comments when I dare mention (after being pressed), about birth plan, of which includes natural birthing strategies with gas and air as an aid. Because how dare I have a single plan

Bit of background. I took on a DC of 1 week until he was 4 months old a few years back. It's a personal, family issue, but my house was not a mess. It was trickier but also therapeutic.

I have never, ever dared mention cleaning or anything to anyone. If someone has a messy house, so what? Maybe instead of cleaning to a photo standard, they watch a box set etc. It doesn't bother me and I don't think any less of anyone who isn't exactly tidy.

However, I'm quite sick of friends and family coming over and making comments of how I'll be joining them and their messy houses very soon.

Yes, sometimes things won't be so great but that's fine! I have a tiny baby. But, I'll still make the effort as I did looking after an infant before.

Yes, birth plans often don't go to plan. That's no reason not to have an idea of what I want, is it? I won't put myself down if it goes tits up. My body is amazing regardless.

AIBU here to tell people straight next time? It's turning into more than the odd comment.

Tiny babies don't make too much mess. Toddlers do!

Saying that, my flat is tidy. DS is almost 4 and when he's finished playing with his toys they just get put away. Just pick up as you go.

I never even bothered making a birth plan. I ended up having a forceps delivery anyway.

Of course you can! I have a 5 year old and a 6 month old, and mostly always have a tidy house, except for when my son has toys out that he's using.

Just tidy up as you go ongoing and don't let anything build up.

Best response to unsolicited advice and comments is 'Mmm, that's interesting ' or 'it's interesting you say that' Stops the conversation in its tracks.

Nothing wrong with having your own standards, and good life skill to pass on to DC. Just don't exhaust yourself and miss out on special times with your DC. And keep the tidiness proportionate. My former SIL couldn't stand food on her DCs faces when feeding them (mashed banana stage) and her poor kids had sore faces from their DM constantly wiping food off.

We managed but my DH is a neat freak so the house was always tidy and both my DC slept through the night from six weeks old. I was very, very lucky. See how you feel and be kind to yourself.

I've got 3 kids and have always had a tidy house

2 dd's and and a dog work part time. My house is as tidy as I want it. I choose not to do so much in half terms because I want to spend time with them.
When they was small and home all the time. A good routine is all that's needed.

Of course you can, I'm just so knackered these days that I choose the box set option.

I found my house was lovely and tidy until dd became a toddler. But it's only toys and only in one room. I do find though have had to paint the room she eats in a couple of times. Weetabix is a bitch on walls.
Please god your birth plan will go well and there is every chance it will but don't think you are a failure if it doesn't. That can lead to pnd

wait and see....you may have a lovely angel baby and everything is okay, I just became less house proud.

11 years after having DC1 my house is lovely clean and spotless again, until they come home at 3.30pm. DH is going on GL in July and the mess will start again.

I have 4dc and a dog and have a tidy home. Sure at times they have every toy under the sun out but it doesn't take more then 10minutes to tidy up though.

However I do feel a bit at the birth plan bit. Sorry. As I said I have 4 and only one birth went "to plan" and it was very stressful to get it there. You just don't know how you will react in childbirth. It is very much primal instinct that comes out.

I'm genuinely puzzled as to why anyone thinks a tidy home is some kind of source of pride. If I knew someone who was approaching first-time parenthood with a clench-jawed determination to have a tidy house anyway, I would think they were a total loon.

YANBU. If you like/enjoy tidying and cleaning, and it's a priority for you then you will (probably) be able to have your house as tidy as you like it. Sometimes I think people just say these things as something to say. Perhaps they're a little envious of your tidy house, if they haven't got enough time/energy to tidy/clean as they'd like.

Regarding birth plans, as long as you know that plans sometimes don't get implemented through no fault of anyone's, then don't worry about what people say. I had a lovely plan involving a home birth in a birth pool but ended up with an induction in hospital, a very long labour that ended in an EMCS and a baby in SCBU. None of it could have been prevented, it was just bad luck. I still had a birth plan second time round, even though very little had gone to plan the first time.

To be honest on both of these subjects (tidiness & birth plan) you won't know how you cope until you live through it (and neither does anybody else. You may be fine, it may all go tits up but frankly it doesn't matter.

What you should take away from this is that parenting comes with lots of 'helpful' comments from other people, mainly stuff that they have no business commenting on - learn to ignore them (that's nice, oh really etc) or you'll go mad.

I had a complete stranger lecture me in a shop the other day on my ability to parent because despite my best efforts I couldn't stop my usually happy baby from crying (it was hot & he was fed up and I was trying my best to finish and leave) apparently I was neglectful because she never let her children cry for even a minute I may have not replied in the politest manner but frankly she had crossed the line and kept going!

Yes of course you can have a tidy home. It always irritates me that some people judge others on what's possible based on how they personally coped/prioritised.

I found the baby stage the easy part mess-wise. It was once my dd became a toddler that she became a whirlwind of chaos and mayhem. I love a tidy home so on days when we're at home a lot, we tend to do a tidy up of the toys a few times a day and at times I feel like I'm constantly hoovering. Our house is cleaner and tidier now than before dd because before I was working full time in a demanding job and there weren't enough hours in the day to get everything done. Now there is a little person making constant mess (not to mention the cat and the dh) but I only work two days so I have plenty of time to stay on top of things.

As for the birth plan, do what makes you feel comfortable. No one else can tell you you are wrong because it's about your preferences, not theirs. As long as you go into labour and birth with an open mind then I don't see why anyone should be commenting on your birth plan.

I have 3 dcs, but need to have a clean tidy home. For me it's important, if my house is tidy and clean then I feel more relaxed and able to do things. Eldest dc tidies after himself, middle dc is 1 but helps me put things away after playtime and I have a 4 week old baby.

As for the birth, dc1 plan went right out the window and it was pretty grim, dc 2 was ideal, straight forward gas and air, dc3 was horrific, but was born safe and sound and that's all that matters.

I've always found that people like to give their opinion, whether you want it or not. Sometimes you can brush it off, other times it makes you feel like your failing. But Just do what feels right for you and be happy. X

Mine always looks like toys r us just shitted all over it ! However I do not care my social worker ( childrens disabilty one ) once turned up after we had attempted to make a rainbow cake !
Every inch of the house was smothered in diff colours including the kid n cat

I would think they were a total loon.

I would think they were a total loon.

I would think they were a total loon.

Nice

I only said it once, OP.

Congratulations on your pregnancy.

Oh as for birth and pain relief, I was one of those give me what you have if I have nothing to prove and would rather chill and play tetris than be in pain !
They gave me the epidural and I was still sucking on gas and air !

Its freaking impossible. Sorry.

Do you have a job op?

It gets a bit trickier when they start to move and you have to go back to work 😂

My house is always clean, i clean up straight away after my son had his dinner and i taught him to clean up after himself and put toys away when he's not playing with them. I've also bought a steamer mop which can be handheld which kills 99% bacteria, perfect for high chairs and toys.