To say yes, I CAN have a tidy home and a DC?

[VincentIsGodly]

My house is never a mess, and I take pride in organisation and I'm a bit of a classic decor lover... I love it.

DS1 is due in November. I'm getting varied comments about never being able to keep my house tidy once DS arrives. Similar to this, I have a lot of people laugh at me and make snidey comments when I dare mention (after being pressed), about birth plan, of which includes natural birthing strategies with gas and air as an aid. Because how dare I have a single plan

Bit of background. I took on a DC of 1 week until he was 4 months old a few years back. It's a personal, family issue, but my house was not a mess. It was trickier but also therapeutic.

I have never, ever dared mention cleaning or anything to anyone. If someone has a messy house, so what? Maybe instead of cleaning to a photo standard, they watch a box set etc. It doesn't bother me and I don't think any less of anyone who isn't exactly tidy.

However, I'm quite sick of friends and family coming over and making comments of how I'll be joining them and their messy houses very soon.

Yes, sometimes things won't be so great but that's fine! I have a tiny baby. But, I'll still make the effort as I did looking after an infant before.

Yes, birth plans often don't go to plan. That's no reason not to have an idea of what I want, is it? I won't put myself down if it goes tits up. My body is amazing regardless.

AIBU here to tell people straight next time? It's turning into more than the odd comment.

I've had the same sort of comments. What I don't like about it is that it sometimes sounds like people are taking pleasure in the idea that I may struggle.

For what it's worth, with a 7 month old it can be hard work to keep the house up together. Sometimes the house isn't as clean as I'd like it, but it's tidy because it only takes a few minutes to tidy toys etc away when he's not playing with them.

At the end of the day I don't care what other people's houses are like, whether they have kids or not, so I don't understand the continued fascination with commenting on mine! And the same goes with birth plans - I'd have liked to have a low-intervention birth, but ended up with a c-section. My only thoughts on other people's birth plans is I hope it goes well and don't beat yourself up if things don't go to plan.

Easy with a 'good' baby. Easy with one toddler even.

A 6 year old, a 3 year old while pregnant? My god you'll be swimming in Lego, playdoh and washing. And I have cleaner!

Don't put too much pressure on yourself. You may find your priorities change.

I agree what others said upthread- this is just the beginning of everyone sticking their nose into your business and having an opinion on everything.

If I just had DS my house would be tidy- DH on the other hand is a bloody nightmare. (Hoarding tendencies).

Goodluck and enjoy your pregnancy and baby. :)

I have 5 kids, work and study and have a tidy house. However, it's bloody relentless keeping it that way, but I have some MH issues bordering on OCD and I don't feel ' right' if my house is a tip. I'd love to be someone who doesn't give a shit and I'm sure my kids miss out on certain things because of it, but unfortunately I'm not that kind of person...... So yes it's possible, but its not always the best way to be. Birth plan is always good though, lets everyone involved in your birth know your preference.

Of course it is possible - just don't talk about it to other people, it is absolutely non of their business. Talking about birth plans is sooooo boring - no one, and I mean no one, is interested in anyone else's birth plans.

I am shocked at the amount of toyscrap some parents allow into their homes, I was really strict with DS's toys - I just wouldn't allow him to have too many out at the same time - and if he was given too many toys they went straight to the charity shop.

In my experience people who have small children and super tidy houses usually do one or more of the following,
spend most of the day out of the house either at work or just out at groups/visiting,
don't really cook, they eat out/use convenience food,
employ a cleaner/au pair/nanny,
have regular days where the parent is off work and the child is in childcare/with nanny.

Obviously their are exceptions to the rule but it's rare in my experience that none of the above apply until the child/children reach school age.

I have no chance with my house a toddler two teens my boy with autism who leaves everything everywhere and a dh who can't through anything away (teen 2 is like this as well)
My advice would be invest in storage lots of it. you will need lots for the everyday room one for the bathroom and more for their room kids accumulate so much crap which they love an can't possibly get rid off sticks stones shit off the front of magazines.

Babies are easy before they start moving but you might be a bit messy in the first couple of weeks whilst you are recovering the important thing is not to stress about it.

Meh who actually gives a shit. You clearly have loads of time on your hands at the moment but this will change in 18 months and your home may not be so clean. Who cares.

Tbh, if you both work and have kids at school all day there is no-one there to make a mess. The toddler/preschool age is the worst for it. Babies can be slung but don't make a mess anyway. I have a 7 and 5 yr old home permanently and that can get messy. However we are quite ruthless and don't keep much stuff around which helps. It is quite important to us to have a tidy home as it is nicer for the kids, in my opinion.

Just ignore all the comments. Prepare yourself for the fact that things MIGHT change and your plans may go out the window (but then again everything may also go totally according to plan). And develop a teflon-coated exterior for the next 18 years...

I've had the same sort of comments. What I don't like about it is that it sometimes sounds like people are taking pleasure in the idea that I may struggle

YY^^. I had this when pregnant with DC1.

Turns out, they were mainly correct; I didn't sleep much in the early days, we never go out to the pub on a whim in the week, I have never successfully taken DC1 with me to the hairdressers. But they didn't need to be so negative and gleeful about how hard it was going to be. It is hard, but nobody signs up for parenting thinking it's going to be easy. There's just no need to say these things.

Anyway, I found it fairly easy to keep our little flat tidy when DC1 was tiny. Now I have a house, a raucous toddler and another on the way, it's harder but not beyond the realms of possibility, if I could be arsed, but I can't !

I think the birth plan thing probably riles people a bit because:
a) it's s bit unrealistic. You have no idea how your birth will go, so it's good to be a bit prepared for other options. You may well have the birth you want but it's not guaranteed.
b) it sounds a bit like competitive birthing - however much you talk about it only applying to you, it smacks of natural birth being intrinsically better. And that leads to some women who don't experience this feeling like failures.
As for the tidying, it's perfectly possible, of course it is. It helps if you have a relatively undemanding baby, a supportive partner, not too many toys and are not ebf. People are just maybe reflecting their experiences, and maybe they didn't have those things, which make it a bit harder - tbh they're probably a bit envious. I am of people who manage this! Can't you just laugh it off?

It IS possible to have a tidy house and kids, but what we found was that priorities change - a tidy house no longer seemed that important when there were tiny toes to tickle and baby's necks to snuggle.

I've no idea what a box set is.

But I do know that it's not much fun being the child of someone for whom a tidy house is an obsession. There's a world of difference between doing something (such as tidying up your toys) out of love for your mother and doing it out of fear of her anger.

Depends on your goals in life.
Sometimes a nurturing environment isn't a tidy one.

My kids were budding naturalists/craft makers/cooks/builders.

Our home was a workshop, craft projects in progress, artwork drying, clay hardening, fossils lined up, stones and feathers in order,, we had a makeshift noodle parlour in one corner of the living room, a sign on the door said "The Hot Dragon Cafe".

Our house was never tidy.

We loved it that way.

I find the notion that because my house is tidy I must eat convenience food, have a nanny and a cleaner and not do any craft projects a bit odd I work part time, cook from scratch daily, bake with Ds all the time,do lots of craft, don't have a cleaner or a nanny and still have a tidy house. And no, Ds isn't scared of me and I'm not focusing on that above having fun. It's perfectly possible to do both. Reading some of these replies is like those Facebook memes!

So if you are tidy it's because you have a nanny, ear crap and never do anything messy. Yeah right.

It's not that hard to clean every day, took me an hour at most. It's definitely doable and we did lots of crafts and messy play. It all packs away after easily.

I have a very house proud dh

I potter around and tidy up as I go along but dh does the really in depth cleaning when he gets home from work.

This means with two dc and a dog, bar a few toys on the floor, the house is usually clean and tidy

Ifs obviously possible but when I had my
Little boy tidying was the least of my priorities! Your so tired at the beginning, he's 6 months now and I can't leave him for 2
Minutes climbing picking things of the floor
By time he goes down for a nap I'm knackered aswell so I nap with him.
So no my house isn't very tidy anymore I don't have the energy to clean like I use to.

My house was tidy enough with one baby. It didn't become difficult until I had 2 children that could move and played in the house everyday. I'm sure if I had one child that went to nursery everyday it would be easier to keep tidy too. I find bigger houses are easier too keep tidy as well as there is somewhere to put stuff.

When we had tiny tots, the buggy and all the toys had to go in the lounge as that was the only room so it always looked cluttered in the way a house with a porch wouldn't.

So if it's important to you, you have space (esp play room) and you do lots of nursery /toddler groups it probably will keep tidy.

My house is tidy Op, always has been but we only have 1 DC and both get quite a bit of time off

One thing which I found helped when DC was toddler was having a good toy tidy and baby things away prior to bath and bed so we could come down to nice tidy evening to relax.

As for the birth plan I can't comment as had an ELCS.