To say yes, I CAN have a tidy home and a DC?

[VincentIsGodly]

My house is never a mess, and I take pride in organisation and I'm a bit of a classic decor lover... I love it.

DS1 is due in November. I'm getting varied comments about never being able to keep my house tidy once DS arrives. Similar to this, I have a lot of people laugh at me and make snidey comments when I dare mention (after being pressed), about birth plan, of which includes natural birthing strategies with gas and air as an aid. Because how dare I have a single plan

Bit of background. I took on a DC of 1 week until he was 4 months old a few years back. It's a personal, family issue, but my house was not a mess. It was trickier but also therapeutic.

I have never, ever dared mention cleaning or anything to anyone. If someone has a messy house, so what? Maybe instead of cleaning to a photo standard, they watch a box set etc. It doesn't bother me and I don't think any less of anyone who isn't exactly tidy.

However, I'm quite sick of friends and family coming over and making comments of how I'll be joining them and their messy houses very soon.

Yes, sometimes things won't be so great but that's fine! I have a tiny baby. But, I'll still make the effort as I did looking after an infant before.

Yes, birth plans often don't go to plan. That's no reason not to have an idea of what I want, is it? I won't put myself down if it goes tits up. My body is amazing regardless.

AIBU here to tell people straight next time? It's turning into more than the odd comment.

Yes, you can say that. you can say aaaaanything you want, its a free country.

If you have a tidy house to start with you've got a head start on where I was it might just be a bit more... Full

The grin is because I have two toddlers under 4 and my daily routine involves cleaning and tidying the house while the two children follow me dirtying and untidying it.

For example; I clean the windows with my window vac and 12 seconds later my one year old has smeared his face and hands all over it. I tidy up the toys and both children spread them all over the floor and redistribute small objects all over downstairs within minutes. I clear the table and immediately the four year old gets the playdoh out and there are bits everywhere. I Hoover the floor and half an hour later those bits of playdoh are walked all over the carpet. I clean the toilet, and then the four year old uses it and pisses on the floor, washes his hands staying water everywhere and walks out leaving the clean towel dumped on the floor.

It's just continual firefighting and if you have my weekend you then have to forget about the house and spend the weekend fighting the garden instead because your neighbours decided to have a row with you because you aren't maintaining it adequately enough. So I spent eight hours today fighting weeds and going back and forth to the local dump with garden refuse and then walked into the house at 6pm and started all over again.

It is relentless.

It's a question of priorities. If it is really important to you to have a perfect house then you can definitely do that, especially with a baby.
Children might start to mess that up a bit more but you can try to make them obsessive over tidying up too - hopefully that won't cause too much conflict.
It never bothered me seeing toys out. I'd rather they were played with. They got tidied up at some point usually that day, but no big deal if there was untidiness for a few days.
When I had babies, there was invariably muslins, bibs, clothing and other bits and pieces around the place but it was relatively tidy.
Do whatever makes you happy. I never did watch much TV!

A housekeeper and cleaner makes it all possible.

Don't worry what others think Op!
Having a baby doesn't have to change everything about you. I've always been a tidy person, as a child my room was always tidy and I'd ask if I could put the shopping away as I'd arrange the pantry really neatly. I'm still like that now and my bf's tidy too, so our home is never a mess even with dd (7 months) looking round now, the only sign of a baby is the highchair in the kitchen.

Regarding birth plan! My midwife said it was good to make one, but to not get too hung up on it.
The most important thing is baby arriving safe and well and I think it's worth remembering that's what the midwife wants too and they do know their stuff.
But it is definitely do able without pain relief, I managed and I'm a massive wuss!

Oh and I've just found out I'm pregnant 😬

The tidiest my home has ever been was when my baby was 6 months old - the combination of much more time spent in the house to notice the mess and an afternoon nap slot every day where I could do something about it. I built shelves and all sorts!
Sadly, he then started to walk*. :-)

*not at 6 months; subsequently!

My parents' house has always been immaculate. They never childproofed it for me and even left their collection of expensive glassware within reach throughout my early childhood. I remember my mum was always on her hands and knees polishing the floor three times a day.

I have turned out just as neurotic as my mum, due to being told "Don't touch that! Don't spill that! Sit still! Don't go anywhere near that!" from day one. When I have a child, I think I'll be just the same, because that's my comfort zone. I don't think that's necessarily right or wrong - we're all different.

I have a tidy house and only had gas and air.

There are many other things which have not gone to plan since I had DD. But if I'm just being judged on those two then I am winning at parenting

And seriously, if you looked after a baby from 1 week to 4 months (assuming by that you mean 24/7) then it's not that unrealistic for you to have an idea of how your life will be once your own baby is here.

I think it's fine to have a plan as long as you can cope with the plan nor working out.

My perfectionist neighbour did not meet the goals she had set herself (natural birth, breastfeeding etc) and I really believe it pushed her into depression and the eventual failiure of her marriage.

Shay I'm trying to say is, be kind to yourself if things don't go to plan.

Of course you can have a clean house and children,everyone is different and every child is different.

We have 5DC and 3 Dogs and 2 Rabbits,2 of our DC,DS15 and DD9 are disabled and I became disabled a year after we had our youngest and now our DD14 has just been diagnosed with epilepsy.

But our house is always clean and tidy,between my DH and myself we do the housework every day.
For us I think it's just what were used to,both mine and my DH's Mothers worked full time,had DC and pets and still kept the homes we grew up in clean and tidy.

Plus I can't stand clutter(so we have lots of storage and have a good clear out a few times a year)believe me though if it was left to our 5DC to look after the house we'd look like we were closely related to Stig of the Dump!

My house was tidy then three kids under 4 came along inc twins. Now they're teens and downstairs is tidy I just don't look in their bedrooms.

Come back to us in 2 years and we can talk then

Are we talking tidy or are we talking new build spotless, sparse and gloss surfaces with no dust or fingerprints. Because I find the latter creepy*

My house is tidy, fairly clean but far from spotless. I'm happy with that. Sometimes it looks like someone has ransacked a squat but funnily enough this tends to remedy when the child is in bed or school!

Birth plan wise, I had a vague idea. It didn't go to plan, was a bit of an emergency so I just listened to the experts and agreed to do what ever they thought was safest.

*it's probably jealously, between dog, husband, livestock, child and a log fire my house is a dust trap

Cleaning: Meh. My flat is messy, that's not helped by having a 5yo, a full-time job with considerable commute and more work to do in the evenings, and no partner or other help around, but tbh it's also who I am and would be messy even if I didn't have DS. I have to be very bored or very desperate before housework reaches the top of my list of things to do once work and parenting are finished for the day!

Birth plan: I'm always a bit surprised about the way people pooh-pooh these. I had a lovely birth, exactly the one I'd hoped and planned for. This is true of an awful lot of people I know. It's worth knowing what you think you might like to happen in other circs (e.g. if you end up being induced - would that change your pain relief preferences? etc) but it annoys me when other mothers suggest it's wishful thinking on the part of pregnant women that they have (in their terms) a good birth. And yes, luck has a hell of a lot to do with it, but so do the choices you make. It's also not necessarily about making a virtue of a particular kind of birth - I didn't plan for pain relief, but that was largely because I have a high pain threshold and wanted to be fully present for one of the most fascinating things I've ever gone through - bit like I usually prefer not to get even slightly drunk because it makes me less attentive to the conversation. That's about me and my sensory preferences, not about aspiring to some sort of earth mother birth ideal.

It's the toddler stage that is challenging house keeping wise. Wee on the rug! Crumbs everywhere. A ever growing mountain of toys. Sticky fingers leaving marks everywhere. I honestly don't know anyone who has kept up their show-house when the toddlers years hit but they creep up on you.

With the birth plan - I think they are great. It's all about how you think about then - thinking about pain relief..staying active is all very positive and will increase your chances of a low intervention birth. However ut's not a "plan" as such - because you can only control so much. Think about alternative scenarios too and methods for coping.

Of course you can. It's pretty tough when they are toddlers (especially if you have 2) but having a clean and tidy home is important to me so I've generally achieved it. Not show room spotless all the time but pretty clean and tidy. I love to clean though - I have a few MH problems and tidying up soothes me! Lots of people aren't too bothered by living in a perfect home and fair enough. The only time it all went to shit for me was when I was depressed.

I have two kids and two dogs, and work full time. Having a tidy house is really important to me, not because I'm a total loon but because having a clean, calm space is what I like. I have a busy life and I don't want to be tripping over Lego and matchbox cars all evening, nor hunting through piles of stuff on the bench to find a form that needs to go back to kindy 10 minutes before walking out the door.

You can do it, but the keys are a) having good storage systems so that everything, and I mean EVERYTHING, has a 'home' to be put away in, b) having a partner that cares as much about having a clean home as you do and pulls his weight equally, and c) accept that there are some aspects where you have to make a compromise, and pick the ones that bother you least. Our place is always tidy by the end of the day, but we are never going to be a household that manages to vacuum and mop daily or weekly

Just don't put too much pressure on yourself with either thing OP.

I think preparing for birth and parenthood is a great idea, so I think birth plans can only help. What doesn't help is to set yourself up with an ideal that will make you feel a failure if you don't achieve it.

My first birth was a 5 day labour ending in failed forceps and EMCS. My second was a hypnobirthing Gas and air only affair, 1hr from 3cm to baby being out. I planned to go in the pool but a) they were all busy and b) there was no time even if they had been free.

My house is a shit tip most of the time. I clear up after the baby pretty well but DD1 is 4 and regularly trashes the playroom and brings all her toys in the living room as well. But I am not a naturally tidy person and neither is my husband.

I'd consider what might happen if you have a baby who won't/can't be put down. Both of mine have been like this. DD2 is way more placid than DD1, but she still only naps in the sling. So I do manage to get on with stuff, but stuff that involves bending forwards like emptying the dishwasher or sorting the laundry basket doesn't get done while I'm wearing her. I can hang he washing out, fold and put away, I can do a general tidy, take the rubbish out and make sure bottles are washed and sterilised but if I'm honest I spend 75% of my day sat on the sofa breastfeeding. DD has a tongue tie which means she feeds for hours and hours on end.

My point is...you never know how your baby will be, how your recovery will be, how you will feel. Great to have something to aim at but don't beat yourself up if it's not possible when it comes to it.

We have tidied up 5 times today and I'm about to do it for the final time. Our home isn't as tidy as it was before kids. It's messier, dirtier, noisy and absolutely full of love, happiness and laughter. I wouldn't change it at all.

sleepfree

I'd just give up if I was you
Congratulations on your news.

Maybe instead of cleaning to a photo standard, they watch a box set etc.

Or maybe we work, parent, shop , cook, freelance etc?

When I had 3 under 5 my house was tidy and clean and that was in a tiny house with only one living room. That is my natural instinct - I clean up as I go, don't like clutter, have a place for everything. The kids would have all the toys out if they wanted but at the end of the day I would chuck them all in a bin so they were gone and we sat down with a cup of tea in a relatively tidy place. My sister was exactly the same.

Yes you might have a clingy baby or one with colic but you mightn't. And if you are the kind of person who always puts your mug in the sink rather than leaving it on the table, you'll be that person after the baby too. My 2 best friends are incredibly messy - their houses were the same before and after children. messy, untidy, piles of stuff, piles of dishes. They were still lovely homes to visit though.

One thing I did do was make a ton of dinners in advance so in the early stages you could at least have a dinner quickly every day.