to ask if this is normal behaviour for a 10 year old?

[LottieG100]

DD is 10 and while bright at school, she seems to have a complete and utter lack of common sense. She does things and totally doesn't see that it could go wrong and then becomes very defensive when it does.

Some examples:

She raced ahead of her brother to open a door and got there first. After going through she pushed it in his face. If I hadn't managed to catch it, it would most likely have broken his nose. She seemed genuinely shocked when I told her this - there wasn't malice in her eyes, she intended it as a joke but just couldn't foresee the consequence.

At swimming she was playing a game where her and her two year old sister raced to get a ball in the water. 2 year old got out onto the side to jump in and DD shouted 'fetch!' and threw the ball on the side of the pool. Of course, 2 year old chased it and slipped and banged her head. Again, DD was totally bewildered that things had gone wrong.

Without fail, when we walk our dog she will throw her ball in a bush, long grass or the water and or dog will lose the ball. She just doesn't see that throwing it in certain places will mean it gets lost and end playtime with our dog.

She was playing with DS and picked him up and spun him round several times. He gets dizzy really quickly and when she put him down she told him to run because there was a monster and he ran straight into the wall opposite.

I could go on as these instances are becoming almost a daily occurrence. I feel like she needs supervising and reprimanding more than her 2 year old sister a lot of the time. AIBU to ask if your ten year old is like this?

We say to my ten year old that he hasn't the sense of a sparrow.
They are still so young.

does your DD have empathy in other areas of her life? (i.e. just not when she's playing games?)

There's quite an age gap between her and your two younger children, isn't there?

Her brother is almost 7 so not that much of an age gap. She shows no empathy, ever. I got taken to hospital a few months ago and she was sobbing. It was because she would have to be looked after by someone else, not because she was upset about me.

Hm, the only thing that pops out is difficulty planning physical tasks = dyspraxia??? She doesn't sound typical but might be worth reading about just to rule out? Often goes hand in hand with ASD, which I thought of as you mentioned empathy issues.

Obviously she may just be neurotypical though!

My 10 year old has common sense, his school and various sports groups tell me he is a very sensible and reliable boy. At home he couldnt be more different. I think it's just laziness but also that he wants to be treated like a child still at home where everywhere else they are keen to give him more and more responsibility.

She also becomes distraught over things that I think a 10 year old should be over by now. For example, if she can't find the particular hair brush she wants she will stomp around saying she can't brush her hair with any other, that she'll just have to look a mess, that no one ever helps her ect. She won't be able to get over it and will continue to get herself more and more upset until she's crying and hysterical.

She has a favourite teddy and if she can't find it she'll start speaking in a babyish voice, refuse to go to bed, accuse others of taking it, cry and scream.

She won't share my of her belongings but believes she has an absolute right to her siblings belongings.

Possibly a red flag for the rigid thinking / need for routine part of ASD? May be worth looking in to?

I know it is annoying when people do this. It as ASD has been mentioned....
I think this actually sounds like ADHD. The inability to see consequence, the need for routine,emotionally Immature and clingy. Does she struggle to concentrate and focus? It is nothing to do with intelligence by the way. People often get tetchy and say it couldn't possibly be ADHD because their child is bright and not naughty.

The lack of empathy is not usual for a 10 year old

mine is 9. she would do the dog ball throwing thing, and she might think the spin around and run thing would be funny but would only do it once after me telling her not to. she would NEVER run or encourage others to run near a swimming pool. Especially not with two yr olds around. School really drills water safety into them though. How does she manage at school? Any concerns about her common sense there? My dd has a friend who pulled a chair from under another child causing them to bang their head badly. She (the perpetrator) was devastated and inconsolable. She had done it because she'd seen it done on some TV show as a prank and thought it would impress the year six kids they were sat with. She also has no ability to cross a road. She is very bright though, she just doesn't engage her brain at all. She does feel very upset when she gets it "wrong" though. How does your dd react when you tell her not to do these things? Do you explain from start to finish why you aren;t happy with her behaviour, in a clear, concise way? Kids don't feel worry and anxiety the same way we feel it as their parents. She can feel empathy and worry for her siblings but she won't feel the same when one hurts themselves as you do, because they're your kids. Does she get a kick out of it or would she do it to any random toddler/younger child and not feel anything?

I've taught this age and would say it all sounds totally normal!

My 13 year old throws the dogs ball into a bush or into nettles every single time. We don't know how she does it. And the dog goes mad without its ball so she has to go and get it but she still does it the next time.

That all seems pretty normal to me - I hate the way folk seem to automatically think there is something wrong when kids are just being normal.

yep sounds normal to me

The stuff in your OP sounds totally normal and my ten year old would do them all. The other stuff about empathy and the hairbrush sounds much less normal to me.

My DS was a bit like the OP at 10, in that he didn't forsee consequences when playing with younger siblings / cousins. He outgrew it eventually.

Normal. My then 10yo dd did something that caused her brother to go to a&e. I was furious but it was totally down to lack of thought rather that being malicious.she showed no empathy because, being only 10, she was scared.

Re the hairbrush thing, this sounds like my current 10yo. Drives me nuts

How is she with her friends? Do you think she needs a bit more help with her emotions? Has school raised any concerns?

My dd is similar with the thoughlessness, and getting extremely upset about fairly minor things. School flagged that there could be some social communication difficulties- she has had a few extra sessions with the school key worker and joined a drama club which has really helped, especially with the outbursts.

I agree it sounds normal. I was shocked last night when DS2 (messing about) pushed DS1 into a busy city centre road. He is 9, nearly 10. He clearly didn't mean to cause harm but simply didn't think of the consequences.

Likewise I have to make sure I'm there to help him cross the road when he gets off the school bus. Otherwise he will follow like a lemming when other children just step out into busy traffic without looking (which they all seem to do, even the much older ones, generally with headphones in their ears so that they cant even hear the approaching cars).

I don't think that is particularly normal - I would expect at 10 they would have a pretty good understanding of the consequences of their actions, and be able to apply it. Is she resentful of her siblings for some reason?

How does she get on at school?

Sounds like my 12 year old. Banged the swing on her DSis and then was surprised that she was hurt. Actions and consequences still not being processed through at this age is common.

She just sounds immature, but otherwise normal. I think people are far too quick to shout if diagnosis

Teach her about her emotions, has she seen inside out?
And explain actions have consequences. It's your job to teach her these things.

I also think it's normal

I think it all sounds completely normal.