to ask if this is normal behaviour for a 10 year old?

[LottieG100]

DD is 10 and while bright at school, she seems to have a complete and utter lack of common sense. She does things and totally doesn't see that it could go wrong and then becomes very defensive when it does.

Some examples:

She raced ahead of her brother to open a door and got there first. After going through she pushed it in his face. If I hadn't managed to catch it, it would most likely have broken his nose. She seemed genuinely shocked when I told her this - there wasn't malice in her eyes, she intended it as a joke but just couldn't foresee the consequence.

At swimming she was playing a game where her and her two year old sister raced to get a ball in the water. 2 year old got out onto the side to jump in and DD shouted 'fetch!' and threw the ball on the side of the pool. Of course, 2 year old chased it and slipped and banged her head. Again, DD was totally bewildered that things had gone wrong.

Without fail, when we walk our dog she will throw her ball in a bush, long grass or the water and or dog will lose the ball. She just doesn't see that throwing it in certain places will mean it gets lost and end playtime with our dog.

She was playing with DS and picked him up and spun him round several times. He gets dizzy really quickly and when she put him down she told him to run because there was a monster and he ran straight into the wall opposite.

I could go on as these instances are becoming almost a daily occurrence. I feel like she needs supervising and reprimanding more than her 2 year old sister a lot of the time. AIBU to ask if your ten year old is like this?

Gosh, you have just described my DS who is 12. He is the same, especially the behavior towards his younger sibling. I can't work out whether he is spiteful or genuinely doesn't realize what will happen. He is also a total drama queen.

I am glad that lots of people think this behavior is normal.

Whoa themonkey nowhere did I say she was desperate for a diagnosis. I said she seemed desperate for the behaviour not to be "normal". I actually didn't think the OP was after a diagnosis, as you aren't going to get one from a load of people on a message board.

All I was pointing out was that "normal" has very wide parameters. The OP didn't seem to want to accept that, that's all.

Saying people are desperate for behaviour to be "abnormal" when they are worried and scared is equally wrong and insulting.

Yes she does stand out among her peers. The GP did refer her but it was rejected because school don't have a problem with her.

I do think these referral criteria create massive barriers to get children basic healthcare and access to hcps.

Imagine if an adult had to get some kind of signed permission slip from their place of employment or similar non medical personnel in order for their symptoms to be 'approved' as genuine enough to be referred to a consultant?!

So, oh right, you're severely depressed and suicidal? Nope, no further help until you get some random person at your work to agree you 'look' sad enough to need any help.

Ignoring any and all conflicting motivations within that work environment to spot or report specific medical symptoms.

Ignoring the idea that a human is complex and not actually an open book to all, and doesn't show things in text book fashion in an acceptable and obvious enough way at the right moment for others to be in the right mental space to be receptive to those signs.

Bonkers really isnt it?!

So she wasn't even properly assessed? Bummer. To me too she sounds maybe within normal but immature, and maybe towards the ASC/ADD etc end of things. But not clear. (Unhelpful, I know!)

ASD does not equal a lack of empathy.

But an apparent lack of empathy is among the signs. That is not a myth. Sure, not all children with ASCs lack empathy but then there is no single sign that applies to all children with ASCs anyway. These days people talk a lot about sensory issues but some children with ASCs don't have sensory issues either. I am not saying she has an ASC, but when a child seems to lack empathy it is reasonable to consider it among the options.

A couple of practical things (whether she is "normal" or not). Don't try to force blame onto her. Instead focus some calm sympathy and attention on the injured party, and on anything DD1 can do to help, with praise for helping. All that builds empathy and competence, while blame doesn't. Parent-Child Game has a nice example of how to do the focus-of-attention stuff (when self-absorbed child sits on the kitten!).

Allowing your DD out alone (etc) will be good for her. Step by step. She could walk the dog by herself and dry off a wet dog afterwards. Try to tell her the rules before she goes out, not "in the moment", and be specific and concrete as possible - so not "keep the dog safe" but "keep the dog out of the water because..." and "the dog must be on the lead on the main road because...." Social Stories can be a good way to get through to the thoughtless. Don't try to tell her things "in the moment" when things have gone wrong, because she will be feeling agitated and wont be receptive.

Good luck

It does sound as if she is winding up the two year old possibly as she is jealous as 2 year old gets do do what she wants, or maybe that is how it seems to 10 year old, and gets picked up and cuddled, sits on knees etc. She doesn't have to go to school every day. etc
Does 10 year old get out and about with you but without the other DCs.