to ask if this is normal behaviour for a 10 year old?

[LottieG100]

DD is 10 and while bright at school, she seems to have a complete and utter lack of common sense. She does things and totally doesn't see that it could go wrong and then becomes very defensive when it does.

Some examples:

She raced ahead of her brother to open a door and got there first. After going through she pushed it in his face. If I hadn't managed to catch it, it would most likely have broken his nose. She seemed genuinely shocked when I told her this - there wasn't malice in her eyes, she intended it as a joke but just couldn't foresee the consequence.

At swimming she was playing a game where her and her two year old sister raced to get a ball in the water. 2 year old got out onto the side to jump in and DD shouted 'fetch!' and threw the ball on the side of the pool. Of course, 2 year old chased it and slipped and banged her head. Again, DD was totally bewildered that things had gone wrong.

Without fail, when we walk our dog she will throw her ball in a bush, long grass or the water and or dog will lose the ball. She just doesn't see that throwing it in certain places will mean it gets lost and end playtime with our dog.

She was playing with DS and picked him up and spun him round several times. He gets dizzy really quickly and when she put him down she told him to run because there was a monster and he ran straight into the wall opposite.

I could go on as these instances are becoming almost a daily occurrence. I feel like she needs supervising and reprimanding more than her 2 year old sister a lot of the time. AIBU to ask if your ten year old is like this?

"And explain actions have consequences. It's your job to teach her these things."

I imagine the OP has done this. There are things I've explained to my own, not dissimilar, 10 year old again and again, that I'm sure she would be able to repeat and understand on an abstract level, but in the moment it's a different matter.

Sounds normal to me too

Sounds entirely normal, she's a child who obviously isn't going to conduct a thorough risk assessment in her head before every heat of the moment activity, and I'd expect her to be stropping about her lost hair brush for a long time yet

Her reaction is always to say it wasn't her fault and if I press on with telling her she'll scream and cry to try and put the attention on her.

Again, this morning we've been on a train and 2 year old had her hands on the doors connecting carriages and ten year old rushed to press the button to open them - not foreseeing she would get her hands stuck.

Also sounds normal to me especially the lack of empathy when you went into hospital. Kids think about themselves first (thinking about it,most adults too, we're just better at hiding it.)

I agree that this behaviour sounds within the normal range, though less mature than you would want.

Developing independence in children is hard. The answer is to give more freedom, which feels hard to do when you know they will make mistakes.
Continue to supervise, especially when she might hurt herself or others, but allow her to make mistakes. Give her tasks to do and expect a lot from her. Don't worry when she does things wrong and save your forceful nagging for important stuff- for minor things let her learn from mistakes. It takes a long time, but it works.

Rushing to be the one to press the button is totally normal. As are the other accident-related things you mention.

Normal. My 11 year old and 9 year olds are similar

No one else was trying to push the button. She was rushing because she thought it would be funny to make two year old think she would get her hands stuck, not realising it's likely that she actually would get them stuck.

Why is everyone so keen to slap a "diagnosis" on a child who sounds as if she is within a normal range? I am fairly new to mumsnet but am struggling to understand why people seem to want their child to have something medically wrong with them.
Obviously if a child is really struggling at school/life and extra input would be beneficial to them and the rest of the family members then I can understand the reason for making the diagnosis. However I am genuinely interested to know what people perceive the benefits of pointing out and labelling things which may not be entirely the norm to be? Putting a child through lots of tests and exposure to medical professionals seems overbearing and unkind.
Sorry to go on but just a question for those who always jump to "take them to the GP immediately for a diagnosis" line.
Disclaimer: I am a GP trainee.

Gin and *Leigh
*
I suggested that it sounds like ADHD because the OP asked what we thought. So I told her. (Mainly because someone had already mentioned ASD)

I have had years of experience of ADHD. My child has severe ADHD amongst other things. I also have neurotypical children.

I make no apology for suggesting this and am highly tolerant of silly and reckless behaviour in children. I do not seek to diagnose where there is no issue.

Get over yourselves.

Sounds like me as a ten year old.

I've not been diagnosed with anything yet, she's only a child. I didn't rein in the flipping stupid decisions until my early 20s.

Honestly I'd feel safer with the decisions her two year old sister makes than she does. I really thought a ten year old would be past the need for constant supervision, especially as some of her friends are starting to be left alone at home or allowed out alone. There's no way she could do that. She wouldn't even want to - she would have a breakdown.

It sounds normal tbh, I would say your op is things children do all the time, tbh um not even sure now I would think a dizzy child would run into a wall.
The fact she was shocked she might hurt her brother sort of suggests she does have empathy? I think its a bit weird tbh q parent saying their child shows no empathy, the hospital incident is a normal way of thinking for a 10 year old. Its also possible she was worried about you and that manifested in her being worried about herself iyswim?

She's shocked at getting told off.

Some kids (possibly like your two year old) are inherently sensible and thoughtful some (like your ten year old) are not. In order for it to be ADD or ASD it would really be affecting most aspects of her life. But that doesn't mean it doesn't come from a similar place neurologically just to a lesser extent. Strategies used for ASD kids can be helpful for all children especially those who have traits.

Maybe I'm in the wrong here but it sounds like you're quite hard on her and have quite unrealistic expectations.

If you are displaying those to her, it's likely to make her act in even sillier ways, if she thinks that will get your attention.

You sound pretty harsh with her, she is 10. She wasn't responsible for her sister falling over at the pool.
Have you explained to her to be gentle when playing? Kids always get hurt when playing rough, it is part of it. I don't think it sounds like ASD, am not very familiar with ADHD though.

Some of the behaviours you mention really resonate with me regarding my DN. She also has dyslexia and really,really struggles with friendships to the extent that she doesn't have a single friend who would choose to play with her.

She is very needy and demanding and both she and her brother have the attention span of a flea.

I see them very often and particularly worry about the girl because of the friendship issues. She can also be very sweet and helpful and can do chores well if she feels like it. I feel the only way is to keep modelling desirable behaviours, rehearsing situations and being vigilant. We recently watched Anne With an E on Netflix and it was useful in discussing how Anne repeatedly got into scrapes because of the things she said and did.

You feel safer with the decisions your 2 year old makes? Even though it was your 2 year old that was 1) running by the pool 2) putting their hands on a train door in a way that would get them trapped if the door was opened?

Maybe supervise your 2 year old more closely - as if they were two fi. She's clearly too young navigate her world safely (because she's tw. And give your 10 year old a break.

Sounds totally normal to me. Also sounds like you are expecting her to be grown up and sensible and watch out for the 2 yo.

My 10 yo says it wasn't her who wrote her name on the wall - we don't have any other children at home and I'm sure it wasn't her father .

The stomping over the hairbrush is something I recognise too. Her hormones will have started to kick in, so this will be more and more frequent.

I think you are just expecting too much of her and treating her as much older than she is, because of the 2 younger ones. I made the same mistake with my DD1 because she was the eldest. It's amazing how differently you see a child of a particular age when they are the eldest/ youngest/ only.

Gosh I'm surprised they so many posters consider this child's behaviour to be normal. I know lots of 10 year olds and none of them carry on like this.

But the biggest red flag is that the child's own mother feels that something is not quite right. Trust yourself OP. Your daughter may very well benefit from some specialist help.

I think children are infantilised somuch nowadays they do not learn to assess and manage risk the way previous generations could at the same age.