to ask if this is normal behaviour for a 10 year old?

[LottieG100]

DD is 10 and while bright at school, she seems to have a complete and utter lack of common sense. She does things and totally doesn't see that it could go wrong and then becomes very defensive when it does.

Some examples:

She raced ahead of her brother to open a door and got there first. After going through she pushed it in his face. If I hadn't managed to catch it, it would most likely have broken his nose. She seemed genuinely shocked when I told her this - there wasn't malice in her eyes, she intended it as a joke but just couldn't foresee the consequence.

At swimming she was playing a game where her and her two year old sister raced to get a ball in the water. 2 year old got out onto the side to jump in and DD shouted 'fetch!' and threw the ball on the side of the pool. Of course, 2 year old chased it and slipped and banged her head. Again, DD was totally bewildered that things had gone wrong.

Without fail, when we walk our dog she will throw her ball in a bush, long grass or the water and or dog will lose the ball. She just doesn't see that throwing it in certain places will mean it gets lost and end playtime with our dog.

She was playing with DS and picked him up and spun him round several times. He gets dizzy really quickly and when she put him down she told him to run because there was a monster and he ran straight into the wall opposite.

I could go on as these instances are becoming almost a daily occurrence. I feel like she needs supervising and reprimanding more than her 2 year old sister a lot of the time. AIBU to ask if your ten year old is like this?

Lottie you just seem convinced there's something 'wrong' with her. So why not take her to a specialist?

I have tried to have her referred to a paediatrician but it was rejected. I don't think there's something 'wrong' with her. I think that without intervention or help she could end up seriously injuring herself or someone else and I don't want that.

I wish I had something more useful to say, but I do know how you feel and just how frustrating it can be..

Then keep trying. If you are seriously concerned, what else can you do?

If you go back a million times, they'll see you just to shut you up.

Lots of teens and pre teens lack impulse control, common sense and empathy. If you are concerned about other issues such as adhd/ASD it's best to do more research and get some professional advice if you feel it's needed.

Perfectly normal. I wouldn't worry too much. DC 24 had/still has 0% common sense is the cleverest of all my kids. Seems that all her abilities went into her intelligence and the common sense gene missed out.

Sounds like me as a kid and my 9 year old now.

Are you in the U.K.?

What do her school say?

Why was she refused a referral to a pediatrician?

Can you pay for a psychiatrist to see her?

You presumably dont think she is NT so you must just continue to try and get her seen by professionals. I a bit confused why you said that you don't think there is anything 'wrong' with her when the impression you give in the rest of the thread is thst you do think something's wrong.

Mostly sounds pretty normal, apart from the fact that you expect her to think ahead and avoid doing things because of possible negative consequences. Some kids may naturally do this at 10, others wouldn't. The examples you are using wouldn't always result in harm to the younger child. Her encouraging a young child to run doesn't mean she is to blame when it falls over!
The hairbrush thing may be as a result of her age when her brother came along. Three year olds often find it difficult to share attention, it may carry over from this.
The only concern I can see is the fact that she continues to repeat actions you have told her not to, although if you are pulling her up on every little thing without sufficient explanation she may have stopped listening...

Because she's your eldest you expect a lot from her. When your youngest is 10 you'll look back and realise how young and immature 10 year olds can be. She sounds lovely albeit a bit flakey. Love and appreciate her for who she is now, not for who you'd like her to be.

You are getting some very strange advice on this thread and quite a hard time. I don't think her behaviour sounds neurotypical and it does sound very like my child who has ADHD. The thing is that is can appear very strange and silly. My kid does stuff that is so thoughtless and annoying - touching stuff that is dangerous, hurting their sibling without any reason or actual malice - it seems to have no thought or motive behind it and it certainly isn't spite. What it is is very impulsive behaviour. They also Sensory seek and over react massively. Empathy they have in spades however. This doesn't mean their behaviour will be kind and thoughtful but they are sensitive and very strongly feels what is right and wrong and will stand up for this.

I find a lot of these replies bewildering. As a mum of a kid with SN I am very offended by the implication that we look and hope for a diagnosis. Fuck that. We push for a diagnosis because we know that the behaviour is not NT and the world is a shitty unhelpful place to those who are vulnerable and different. A diagnosis gives us leverage and some legal protection to get our child supported. It is not a badge of honour or a medal to show how great we are.

An earlier poster was very ingnorant and judgemental in their opinions asking why we are seeking to diagnose and medicalise normal child behaviour Dot50 or something. They then said they were a trainee GP.

I find that horrifying and worrying. You seem very ignorant and ill educated with regards to SN. You also are remarkably judgmental regarding parents. I hope you get a sharp wake up call and learn more about this subject before you do untold harm with your ignorant attitude.

I don't see how her sister falling over wasn't her fault. She told her to run and if she hadn't she wouldn't have fallen. Same with her brother running into the wall.

I can hear my mum's voice in my head saying, "And if so and so told you to put your hand in the fire would you?"

OK the 2 year old probably can't be blamed but a 7 year old who is dizzy?

It does not sound normal to me. I have been a TA in year 5 for several years and this impulsivity and lack of reflection and empathy is not what I'd consider average.

I wonder about hormones, but if it is longstanding, i'd be wondering about looking into an assessment.

I'd raise it with school first, and see what they've noticed.

ASD does not equal a lack of empathy.

Would people please stop propagating this myth.

Lack of foresight or understanding consequences does NOT equal lack of empathy.

My ASD/ADHD 7 year old has a lot of empathy and is a very cautious child so he wouldn't do any of these things.
My normal 14 year old DS is ok but occasionally he'll do something idiotic to his younger siblings but my once calm DD became mum-ra at 10. She would have emotional outbursts that seem very erational. She also got a lot more careless. Her empathy has gone to pot too, but that's often because she knows she's upset someone and feels bad so she tries to mask it by making out that she doesn't care. I put it down to early teenage hormones. She's 11 now and is starting to ease up but has some weeks that seem like a rollarcoaster. My friend's 16 year old was like that from 10 -15.
Has she always been like this or does she just seem a little more hyper/silly lately? If the latter, I'd say normal.

I think this actually sounds like ADHD. The inability to see consequence, the need for routine,emotionally Immature and clingy. Does she struggle to concentrate and focus? It is nothing to do with intelligence by the way. People often get tetchy and say it couldn't possibly be ADHD because their child is bright and not naughty.

Countess Ygritte, you've been there too? My youngest is similar. The key word is impulsive. Impulsive and unable to foresee consequences.

I have one of these, and yes it is wearing, and yes they do grow out of it, but it's just a case of their brain won't YET see cause and effect, it drove me mad, till I realized that like your DD my DS just couldn't see the problem.

By the way when your not around you will find she will be much better, sort of like when your in view she thinks your do the thinking for her so she can just do anything...

Would use anything of anyone elses and have a major paddy over so much as a pencil being taken from their belongings, how ever now as an adult they are kind and generous and helpful.. even willing to share things, just a case of common sense didn't kick in till about 15..

What an interesting thread. Years ago, I may have said there was very mild ASD traits, but now, with hindsight, I would say it was all quite normal.

You say she used to have age appropriate maturity. So perhaps something has stopped her from maturing. So she's stuck at a certain age. Did something happen? Did it happen for example when the 2 year old was born? I'm just thinking that maybe she didn't adapt as well as needed to the birth or wasn't well enough prepared. That's not a criticism of you as parents btw.

Do you talk to your children about how "we" act as a family? She seems to consider herself a victim so singling her out isn't going to be effective. Do you have any pep talks before you go out of expected family behaviour?

My brother was like this with me. He held me captive, bullied me, hit and shoved me and called me awful awful names. It is still painful to this day. We are not close. He is often horrible to me and denies I'm chronically ill. Please get to the bottom of this. I can hear you don't let this be your legacy.

Homework means time with me so she's fine with that. is she getting alone time with you? 2 year olds can be very demanding. My daughter has a brother with special needs and one younger, so one on one time is rare in our house. One thing I noticed is that when we start spending time alone, where my daughter can talk to me and have my attention, she calms down more.

This doesn't sound "normal" at all. My 8yr old wouldn't behave like this, let alone 10yr old.

OP, you have been told by multiple people (including a trainee GP) that this is perfectly normal, and yet you seem desperate for it not to be.

People are all different. There isn't a standard of "normal", but a very wide range. A tiny minority of people who don't fit your definition of normal actually have any diagnosed issues. The parents in this thread who have children with diagnosed ASD or AD(H)D are obviously going to see similar traits, but that doesn't mean your child has either of these. Plenty of parents on this thread whose children don't have ASD also see similar traits as well, but you seem to only be picking up on the others.

If even your own doctor says she is fine, then maybe you just need to accept it. Having poor impulse control is just that. Maybe she will grow out of it, maybe she won't. My 20 year old still has poor impulse control, and doesn't think things through. It doesn't affect his life in the slightest, apart from getting sick of me telling him not to put his glass on the edge of the table as he will knock it off (most days) 😉

It's really insulting to tell a worried parent they are desperate for their child to have a diagnosis. REALLY bad. Please don't.

I guess you're asking here whether it's normal because actually she stands out against her peers and it's extreme to the point it doesn't appear age appropriate to you?

So I always think there's your answer! Make an appointment with your GP and go without DD to discuss it.

Fwiw I get exactly what you describe in OP. My 12yo Ds is the same. It's almost like everything is a massive joke and has to be 'big'. That just calmly doing a task seems impossible. My ds has ASD/Spd and motor difficulties. Look up executive function - I think the behaviours with my ds are because he can't work out/ it's too tiring to figure out what the sensible option should be and so he just does what comes into his mind first - which is NEVER the sensible option