The Tory's want to put big ass spiders in all of YOUR bathrooms!

[Killdora]

Did I get your attention?

It's all getting a bit heated in here isn't it? I know, I'm as guilty of it myself (no fanatic like a convert)

It's hard to remember that the 'lefty loony dipshits' or the 'heartless, right wing bastards' (delete as appropriate) are nice people too. Really, deep, deep down. Somewhere. Maybe.

I thought we could have a thread for a little bit of lighthearted relief to bring us all together again.

Rules:

1. Lighthearted. LIGHTHEARTED. It's a fucking order folks.

2. You can post any fake news shite you like, as long as it's not a real life dig. As an example:

'Labour have pledged to provide alll churches with a life sized statue of Corbyn, so that GEH saviour may be more accurately represented' is ok.

'Labour have pledged to provide all churches with a life sized statue of Corbyn, because they are all fucking delusional and think he's the saviour. Lefty twats.' is not in the spirit if the thread.

Yes this is a completely pointless thread.

But I'm bored of the arguing turning nasty but don't feel quite up to going back to the regular discussions on style and beauty yet

I want a dragon, just a little household one, for heating the living room of an evening.
I heard May was bringing them in to replace the WFA, and to give the elderly some company and assistance to further save care costs.
Or there's Corbyn's plan, in which dragons will be brought into schools to cook free school meals. During school holidays the dragons will come in useful persuading the rich to reveal the cash they have stashed away so they can be taxed on it. Dragons are great at sniffing out treasure.

Ouch. A dragon tax.

That would be harsh. I've heard they take a pound out of every pound.

I'm not too sure about this.
If your little dragon finds the treasure but doesn't want to share it with you then what?
Never trust a dragon, even after reading his Manifesto.

Send a hobbit in to fetch your share of the treasure, obviously.

If JC gets in, by midday on 9 June there will be peace on earth, perfect weather, AND he will ensure that Game of Thrones goes on forever

I have actually studied the art of repelling dragons extensively.

What we need is a cat, dog, bird and a frog.

We duct tape them together and cover them in mud (no, not like the human centipede, that would be weird)

It scares dragons shitless.

I have it on very good authority that if Plaid Cymru are asked to form a coalition, one of their conditions is that St George has to stop killing the dragon.

The Tories are giving all pensioners free Werthers originals and Labour will introduce a new subject onto the national curriculum - drain covers and their origins

So there's this dinosaur that lives in a big house and she wants to move to Bermuda cos they have low taxes is she really a unicorn?

mousse

Mouse It is in fact a dragon who lives in an ivory tower. Not a dinosaur or unicorn who lives in a big house.

The ivory tower is surrounded by Bahamian money trees and a high wall to protect said tower, dragon and trees.

The dragon terrorises the unicorns, who live beyond the wall, into believing they live in a low tax, money treeless land. All the while, the dragon's allies and minions help to harvest the money from the money trees, of the privately owned land of the Bahamas.

True story.

I think you guys should embrace the big ass spiders to solve your teacher recruitment crisis.

Eyes on every kid in the room. 8 books marked simultaneously.

Fidget spinners deployed for industrial weaving purposes to make, um, something you can export post Brexit. It's all good.

Are the spiders strong and stable?

Are the spiders strong and stable?

Yes whilst they are also for the many not the few and don't believe in chaotic coalitions with other insects.

There's this unicorn that wants everyone to be equal so it gives them all Bs when it marks their essays and then moves to a money tree in Bermuda.

Feckless, freeloading unicorn bastard

wrong

Only if they have all their legs

Fact

Unicorns use spider legs as false eye lashes

Fact

Wow Unicorns are real bastards - who knew?

Poor siders

Can JC be persuaded to add a little money tree to the milk and honey fur everyone?

He seems the generous type and has an allotment where he propagates them.

Chardonnay

Honey fur?

Please god let that be a typo

Innocent typo, I can assure you.

It's not like I've confused this thread with the hOt JC one.

Thank goodness

Honey fur and propagates were bringing up some disturbing flash backs...or forwards

Honey fur!

That does actually look a bit like Jezza

Hmmmmm I want honey fur.