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The Tory's want to put big ass spiders in all of YOUR bathrooms!

138 replies

Killdora · 03/06/2017 13:46

Did I get your attention? Grin

It's all getting a bit heated in here isn't it? I know, I'm as guilty of it myself (no fanatic like a convert)

It's hard to remember that the 'lefty loony dipshits' or the 'heartless, right wing bastards' (delete as appropriate) are nice people too. Really, deep, deep down. Somewhere. Maybe.

I thought we could have a thread for a little bit of lighthearted relief to bring us all together again.

Rules:

  1. Lighthearted. LIGHTHEARTED. It's a fucking order folks.

  2. You can post any fake news shite you like, as long as it's not a real life dig. As an example:

'Labour have pledged to provide alll churches with a life sized statue of Corbyn, so that GEH saviour may be more accurately represented' is ok.

'Labour have pledged to provide all churches with a life sized statue of Corbyn, because they are all fucking delusional and think he's the saviour. Lefty twats.' is not in the spirit if the thread.

Yes this is a completely pointless thread.

But I'm bored of the arguing turning nasty but don't feel quite up to going back to the regular discussions on style and beauty yet Grin

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9
MrsTerryPratchett · 03/06/2017 15:18

The unicorn is the national animal of Scotland. Therefore, if the SNP support Labour, we have a chance of seeing them reintroduced into the wild.

Vote Labour.

Killdora · 03/06/2017 15:19

Well, I am sold.

I will vote for anyone who wod make my dream of being a mini triceratops breeder a reality.

I know I won't be alone in that.

I must say though, I have some concerns. Will we be having some some of controls put in?

I wouldn't want any old Tom, Dick or Harry walking around with a T-Rex on a lead.

Dangerous Dino Act of 2020?

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milliemolliemou · 03/06/2017 15:19

Hate the hate. Would unleash spiders on anyone who descends to uninformed rubbish on any website (and then collect and release the spiders carefully). Can I do this on MN?

Also troubled by television debates. To a certain extent I think it's bullying by TV companies so everyone has to do it when it's more heat than light. They outsource the audience provision so they can say right/left audiences are not their pick.

I say send in the spiders. And unicorns. And Dumbledore to sort out all the DImblebys (to whom he is related).

Natsku · 03/06/2017 15:19

No, we'll be taxing the dinosaurs.

ChardonnaysPrettySister · 03/06/2017 15:19

I'm not voting for whoever Rufus is voting because she's heartless and makes Smile suffer needlessly.

Where is your heart, Rufus?

ZeldaWasMyGransName · 03/06/2017 15:22

Apparently they are all sacking off free school meals, but replacing them with varying models of jet pack so that DCs can jet pack home for lunch.

RufusTheRenegadeReindeer · 03/06/2017 15:22

chardonnay

What ???!!!!

I asked was she ok???

I am caring...and i want a mini triceratops

'Sides i think there is some confusion

I want someone to tell me a dinosaur analogy....

Moussemoose · 03/06/2017 15:26

I think dinosaurs will have to have a special green tax due to all the errrr 'carbon emissions' they produce.

RufusTheRenegadeReindeer · 03/06/2017 15:26

Thats not me on the dinosaur by the way

The Tory's want to put big ass spiders in all of YOUR bathrooms!
beepbeepimasheep · 03/06/2017 15:28

I'm voting ukip because they will stop the bastard giant spiders coming in the bananas from abroad.

RufusTheRenegadeReindeer · 03/06/2017 15:28

Heh heh heh

The Tory's want to put big ass spiders in all of YOUR bathrooms!
Tanith · 03/06/2017 15:29

The Monster Raving Loony Party promised to find breeding dragons for Wales so their National dragon doesn't get lonely.

Compassion for dragons! Brought a tear to my eye!

(They also promised to report the Dragon to the monopolies commission 😄)

PickAChew · 03/06/2017 15:34

Glad I haven't voted, yet. I love a properly hairy legged arachnid.

TheNaze73 · 03/06/2017 15:41

The spiders will feast on the unicorn glitter that Corbyn promises us all Grin

deckoff · 03/06/2017 15:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ChardonnaysPrettySister · 03/06/2017 15:42

The spiders breed in the shade of the Money Tree, actually.

So, in fact, they are Labour Spiders.

IDontBowlOnShabbos · 03/06/2017 15:44

A vote for dinosaurs is a vote against the church claim UKIP. 'We already have the gays causing rain in Scotland we don't need dinosaurs bringing more of God's wrath against us' states prominent UKIP member.

squishysquirmy · 03/06/2017 15:54

Thats true, IDontBowl.

Everyone knows that those curly "fossils" are not really ancient sea creatures, but are in fact conclusive evidence of St Patrick petrifying snakes.

MayhemAndRudderless · 03/06/2017 16:24

Oh do fuck off!!!

I'm voting May because she speaks in meaningful platitudes and believes in a moral responsibility and has a love for fox hunting and ivory trading and she would like to begin fracking and ruining the planet in earnest.

Also, she supports her candidates through thick and thin. That shows a lot of conviction. She has a lot of balls. As she says, the rape apologist and fraudster realise they were wrong and have since changed their minds.

She has also made me look inwardly and acknowledge there is just no money tree here in Britain. It is can only be found in the exotic, off shore tax havens, such as the Bahamas.

Furthermore, her point about selling arms to terrorist sympathising Saudi Arabia being 'good for British business', is spot on. We'll just keep bombing Yemen, Syria and Libya and hope those pesky radical Islamists, ISIS, disappear. Civil casualties are always a given in conflict, just as long as, God forbid, none of our own babies have their lives taken away from them.

Jeremy Corbyn claims to be a peace negotiator but he was taking to Sinn Fein and Hama's, supposedly trying to bring about peace. What an arsehole!! Peace negotiations with the IRA was Maggie Thatcher's responsibility.

Then, he has the nerve to say he would not press a nuke as first strike, but would only in retaliation. He would need to get the POTUS's say so to press the button in the first place, so he has no say anyway, whether he wants to incinerate millions of completely innocent people or not. What a pillock.

The stories about cuts to education, the NHS and police services are plainly lies. We are a putting record sum of money into public services, while privately sell of all publicly owned land and public services to Richard Branson and the highest Tory ass kissing bidder.

Her moral compass is so in tune with mine. She has a fantastic way about her. She reminds me of Christ - He who helped the old, the sick, the children. The Messiah who brought a message of love.

That is why I am voting May.

Moussemoose · 03/06/2017 16:28

MayhemAndRudderless that's all well and good but what about the dinosaurs?

NotTheDuchessOfCambridge · 03/06/2017 16:31

Ok but who is prepared to Nuke said spider, I need to know that is spider takes over my house, someone has one point finger on the BIG RED BUTTON at all times.

deckoff · 03/06/2017 16:32

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

deckoff · 03/06/2017 16:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

pointythings · 03/06/2017 16:34

I want to see free earwigs for all primary school children. No spiders, too many legs.

Killdora · 03/06/2017 16:36

I think there is a question of vital importance, that not one voter has thought to ask.

If there is a big ass spider sitting on the red button...who the fuck is going to push it?

Maybe, just maybe, the spiders are being intentionally creepy so that they may in fact act as our saviours?

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