The Tory's want to put big ass spiders in all of YOUR bathrooms!

[Killdora]

Did I get your attention?

It's all getting a bit heated in here isn't it? I know, I'm as guilty of it myself (no fanatic like a convert)

It's hard to remember that the 'lefty loony dipshits' or the 'heartless, right wing bastards' (delete as appropriate) are nice people too. Really, deep, deep down. Somewhere. Maybe.

I thought we could have a thread for a little bit of lighthearted relief to bring us all together again.

Rules:

1. Lighthearted. LIGHTHEARTED. It's a fucking order folks.

2. You can post any fake news shite you like, as long as it's not a real life dig. As an example:

'Labour have pledged to provide alll churches with a life sized statue of Corbyn, so that GEH saviour may be more accurately represented' is ok.

'Labour have pledged to provide all churches with a life sized statue of Corbyn, because they are all fucking delusional and think he's the saviour. Lefty twats.' is not in the spirit if the thread.

Yes this is a completely pointless thread.

But I'm bored of the arguing turning nasty but don't feel quite up to going back to the regular discussions on style and beauty yet

Don't see what the size of my posterior has to do with anything. Judgmental much?

Look at his eyes....the love, the compassion...

Oh my spider overlords! I have seen the light. You, our true saviours, have loved us all along.

They are saving us from ourselves people!

Hark! A BigAssSpider has arrived.

(bows)

Fuck the dinosaurs, they died out with Thatcher the Thoughtful.

Humph. I suppose I'll let you live for now.

Dinosaurs never existed anyway, like climate change. Complete fallacy. They're a Chinese conspiracy, to purposely make us regress back to Dickensian times. We need more workhouses and less social welfare. May says so too, so it must be true.

Our society should not strive for world peace. Much like the magic money tree, it simply does not and will not ever exist.

Let's be clear, no one wants to live in a shithole like Utopia.

I am not going to fuck a dinosaur

Just putting my cards on the table there

That's incredibly speciophobic RufusTheRenegadeReindeer

Besides I have it on good advice from Jerry Hall that dinosaurs make exceptional lovers.

Oh my god

The images!!!!!

Why god why!!!!!

My eyes!!!!!

I have no objection to foreign spiders coming over here, just as long as they can climb out of the bath by themselves

Don't we have enough spiders on our own?
Do we really need forrin ones?

So you don't mind foreign spiders so long as they aren't disabled badbride!? I think we know who you're voting for!
Was there not some mention of free goats for all council house tenants? I'd love a free goat. Dd would name it Goat.

A vote for Corbyn is a vote for hummus! The big chick pea industry is pulling his strings.
May prefers to eat nutrious woodchips for their well known strong and stable qualities. A vote for May would see all our children benefiting from a delicious bowl of woodchip breakfast.

Spiders in the bathroom don't bother me. I have a special plastic cup that I catch them in so I can chuck them out the window. Up yours,Tories. And if any unicorns are released in my bathroom I'll put them in my cup and chuck them out the window too. Up yours, Labour.

How big are unicorns? I'm banking on them being about this big

Well, you can say what you like Itchy, but I am sick and tired of foreign eight-legged types sitting in my tub expecting me to give them a hand out. And before they've even gone to work on the bluebottles in my pantry. Bloody cheek!

It's was supposed to say 'on good authority' from Jerry Hall, but apparently, I asked for advice

Fecking forriners, coming over here and stealing our bathtubs. Go back to France and enjoy your bidets, you wankers!

This is how big unicorns are.

Follow the money people. Use your minds.

Who is supplying the unicorns?

Don't forget about the unispiders. (Spidercorns?)

I don't trust unicorns.

Unicorn, union, same thing.

I would vote for any party which promises to get rid of all the wasps!

Yes, the wasps. Close the jam jar and those cunty wasps will feck off back to their own dystopian future.

I WANT that unicorn. Just as much as I want Boris the Brute to fuck off to the far side of fuck.

Tory HQ still believe in Dinosaurs.

They pay to keep them in existence.

Anything is possible with Amber's exotic Bahamian money tree.

*Just don't ask about May the Messiah's followers - they are better of not knowing that the lady in the sky does not exist.