Should I take this further or is this normal child behaviour?

[SomethingsUpWithWilfred]

DD is an only child and is 6 years old; she has always been highly strung but I'm beginning to think there's something not "right" more and more.

I've spoken to school who said they can't see any issues with her so I'm wondering whether it's my parenting

I have a GP appointment in 2 days for DD , after I called in tears because I feel so out of my depth .

Please be brutally honest - could this be just "bad" behaviour or would you say this isn't normal ? Examples:

DD doesn't like to go out anywhere spontaneously - suggestion of soft play / park etc on a whim are all met with tantrums and refusal to go .
I often don't bother going out as its not worth the stress .

If I tell her in advance we are going to X in Y amount of days she will be happy - but sometimes when it comes to actually doing it she doesn't want to go - and tantrums.

She seems very sensitive to loud noises , low sounds and textures such as jeans - resulting in a refusal to wear certain clothes - this is a daily battle and is wearing me out.

She hates socks and underwear.

She is very emotional - usually either very upset or very angry - glimpses of joy seem very over the top , almost fake .

She has lots of friends and can be sociable but I've noticed more lately that as more children join the group to play , she quietens down - she will play but isn't loud like the others .

She is very rude / cheeky and no amount of sanctions seem to resolve it .

She lashes out - again no amount of sanctions resolve this .

She becomes very attached to things like sticks , bits of rubbish etc

She constantly ignores me when I ask her to do the most basic of things or will have a tantrum

She's very close to her cousin who comes to play a few times a week but DD has a very hard time sharing - she refuses to allow her cousin to touch her things and can lash out

She needs to have "revenge" - if her cousin accidentally hurts her , she hits her twice as hard even though we explain it was an accident , she just keeps repeating "she did it to me !"

I could go on and on but I'll try to keep it as brief as I can

I'm at my wits end and I don't know what to do .

School say she doesn't display these behaviours there . When I ask DD why she doesn't act like this at school , she says it's because she doesn't want to lose her friends .

So could it be my parenting ?

I really need to do something as this is happening every day and I feel my patience running low .

Opinions please ?

Be brutal but gentle as I'm feeling very fragile

I'd take your concerns to the GP.

Children hide their true feelings at school sometimes and only display them to a trusted parent. So whether there is something wrong or not I don't think it's bad parenting.

From what you have said there could be something there that is neuro diverse, but it's hard to tell. Sensory issues, strong sense of fairness, difficulty regulating emotions. However it could just be nothing and she grows out of it, I think 6 is a bit young to know.

Good luck with the GP.

Could be autism

You are right to be concerned. Don't be fobbed off.

It doesn't sound like anything I've experienced. You need some support, I'd see your gp and don't be fobbed off.

More information here about masking and different behaviour at home.

axia-asd.co.uk/evidence-autistic-people-hiding-masking-difficulties-educational-settings/

I should add , this has been going on so long I can't even remember when it started - possibly aged 4-5 but seems to have ramped up in the last year .

I was like this as a kid! Well behaved and nice at school, and then a little shit at home.

I also did/ was like some of the things you've listed. My mum never took me to the doctors but everyone was always saying there was probably something wrong with me.

I feel bad about how horrible I was looking back on it but I'm nothing like I used to be any more. Pretty chilled out now haha.

I would definitely talk to the doctors just to make sure everything was okay.

Hope you're okay x

She is probably telling you the truth about why she doesn't act up at school.
I'm not going to jump to any conclusions, but you sound like you need, and would like, some support. GP visit is a good first step.

After reading online , I thought she may have High Functioning Autism, but school have dismissed it .

My daughter has autism. She was diagnosed at three years old, is about as text book autistic as its possible to be and up until she started a specialist school this year I was always told by her teachers that she was 'fine'.

My daughter is very passive and often can appear 'normal' (for want of a better word) to someone who doesnt know much about autism or indeed my daughter and how her autism presents itself.

If you have concerns I would definitely visit the GP

Could definitely be ASD. Ask the GP for a referral to child development peadetrician.

(In some areas it's CAMHS not a peadetrician)

But it sounds A LOT like ASD (autism / Aspergers) to me.

DixieNormas I have no idea - anything can cause an outburst .

I've broken down many times because I don't know how to help her when she is distraught over the tiniest of things

I'd ask the head for an ed psych referral as she displays signs of aspergers, or go for a psychologist referral via your GP.

Aspergers girls typically present in school as highly intelligent, but are likely to fly under the radar there as they understand only too well there how to 'fit in' and mask.

I think a lot of the behaviour could have genuine reasons, Like her inability to share, She is an only child they can have more trouble sharing than others, Also acting up gives her more attention, I would also say the problem she has with clothes isn't that rare, My daughter was the same in certain materials and couldn't bare wearing socks or tights, When I talked to her teacher about it she advised me to put her socks and tights on inside out as she found lots of children had that problem, It worked. She's has grown out of that now.
Would parenting classes help on learning to manage her behaviour, Some kids are just harder work than others it doesn't always have to be down to autism.

I am in a similar situation with my 8 year old ds, he is awaiting assessment may 2019 is the date we have been given. (we already have a child who was diagnosed at 2) school are not very helpful due to ds been perfectly behaved at school but as soon as he leaves the gates, that mask drops.
Half term has been a nightmare.
My advice is to keep a brief diary of every time your dd is having difficulty and take that to your gp, I would often forget things during appointments.
Good luck for you and your dd.

I would ask for a referral. Many of the things you mentioned are similar to my ds who has aspergers and pda. Coping or masking at school is fairly common so often school don't see where the problem is. Getting a referral won't create a problem if one doesn't already exist.

Definitely see GP with a list of her behaviours. Without generalising, HFA girls can be good at 'masking' at school, my dd was, but at about age 7 her anxieties started to become more noticeable at school and the difference between her and her peers more evident. Then the school supported a referal and she was diagnosed HFA, eventually. The anxieties around transitions and changes to routines are strong markers. Good luck.

You can have a private ed psychological assessment, just google the ones in your area, you don't need to go to the gp to do that, they maybe helpful or not. We had ds's done at the local university they have a psychology department which specialises in children. He had some of the behaviour you're describing and whilst it doesn't solve anything initially it certainly helps understand what's going on !

After you get your assessment you can then look for help.

It sounds very much like high functioning autism. My best advice is to start keeping a detailed diary from today of all her behaviours. It will be invaluable to have it in black and white to refer to in future meetings.

Yanbu to take your concerns to a GP. While teachers are familiar with more children than the average parent, children do often mask their difficulties at school, unleashing all the pent up stress when they get home. I've read that girls especially can mask some of the common signs of autism.

High functioning autism is different with girls who can mimic environment.

I'm reading through all of the replies thank you all .

lottie991 this is exactly where I'm stuck at the moment - is it normal behaviour of a highly strung child or something else ?

What concerns me is that the behaviour seems extreme rather than just one of those things .