Should I take this further or is this normal child behaviour?

[SomethingsUpWithWilfred]

DD is an only child and is 6 years old; she has always been highly strung but I'm beginning to think there's something not "right" more and more.

I've spoken to school who said they can't see any issues with her so I'm wondering whether it's my parenting

I have a GP appointment in 2 days for DD , after I called in tears because I feel so out of my depth .

Please be brutally honest - could this be just "bad" behaviour or would you say this isn't normal ? Examples:

DD doesn't like to go out anywhere spontaneously - suggestion of soft play / park etc on a whim are all met with tantrums and refusal to go .
I often don't bother going out as its not worth the stress .

If I tell her in advance we are going to X in Y amount of days she will be happy - but sometimes when it comes to actually doing it she doesn't want to go - and tantrums.

She seems very sensitive to loud noises , low sounds and textures such as jeans - resulting in a refusal to wear certain clothes - this is a daily battle and is wearing me out.

She hates socks and underwear.

She is very emotional - usually either very upset or very angry - glimpses of joy seem very over the top , almost fake .

She has lots of friends and can be sociable but I've noticed more lately that as more children join the group to play , she quietens down - she will play but isn't loud like the others .

She is very rude / cheeky and no amount of sanctions seem to resolve it .

She lashes out - again no amount of sanctions resolve this .

She becomes very attached to things like sticks , bits of rubbish etc

She constantly ignores me when I ask her to do the most basic of things or will have a tantrum

She's very close to her cousin who comes to play a few times a week but DD has a very hard time sharing - she refuses to allow her cousin to touch her things and can lash out

She needs to have "revenge" - if her cousin accidentally hurts her , she hits her twice as hard even though we explain it was an accident , she just keeps repeating "she did it to me !"

I could go on and on but I'll try to keep it as brief as I can

I'm at my wits end and I don't know what to do .

School say she doesn't display these behaviours there . When I ask DD why she doesn't act like this at school , she says it's because she doesn't want to lose her friends .

So could it be my parenting ?

I really need to do something as this is happening every day and I feel my patience running low .

Opinions please ?

Be brutal but gentle as I'm feeling very fragile

My daughter is also an only child, not saying they are anyway more prone to ASC but it could just be something an only child does. They have recently changed the diagnose for ASC but it seems that your dd has some of the traits.

This sounds like my dd 7, she was diagnosed with aspergers/high functioning autism a year ago.

The school dismissed my concerns, the gp wasn't all that bothered. It was a school nurse doing a routine check up that flagged it up and referred her.

I found the diagnosis helped me an awful lot and i became more patient and less frustrated as i knew it was something i/we would have to adapt to rather than change.

Best of luck, definitely get a referral and know you are not alone in what you are experiencing. Xx

My 6 yo has just been referred to CAMHS for similar reasons ☹️

Not rtft (sorry) but my almost 21 yo DD was exactly as you describe as a small child. She just hated being little, having no autonomy, having to conform. At 8 she was diagnosed as dyslexic (which explained some but not all of the behavior. tiredess coming out post-school etc). She has now finished her first year at uni with a 2:1; got 2 summer jobs; is widely loved, great friends etc. dont despair, some littlies are just not designed to be small!

Update :

Waited for an hour and 45 minutes at the drop in GP clinic today but it was worth it .

GP was lovely I cried and said DD behaviour does sound extreme and she mentioned the possibility of Aspergers / ASD .

DD has been referred to a paediatrician so I just need to wait for a letter with an appointment .

Feeling slightly shell shocked .

I have no idea what happens now .

Hope that has reassured you somehow, I mean the bit about you not being a bad mother. At least with a diagnose of ASC you should be able to move forward.

OP, I was just about to reply without reading the whole thread and then caught sight of your update.
I was just coming on to say that my DD (who is now 9 and has a dx of Autism with PDA traits and ADHD) was supposedly a little angel at school up until last year.
I would walk to school with her sobbing after a huge kerfuffle over getting her dressed and as we reached the gate she would paste on a smile and skip in.
I made a list of her behaviours and took it to our GP who read it, agreed she was highly unlikely to be NT, and referred us. However, as there were perceived to be no issues at school so we were not deemed to be in need of assessment.
A private EP took one look at her and had dxed her in under 5 minutes....
Now DD doesn't mask at school and school have agreed that maybe they should have been more supportive in the past....
I'm glad you have support coming and I hope you get some answers.

That's good news.
Don't expect any immediate diagnosis but you are now in the system. You'll need to start arguing with people that how she behaves in public is nothing she behaves with you. Record everything she does (record on your phone if possible), make notes, read what you can.
They (the community ed psychs, etc) are unfunded and short staffed but they will do their best. Just make sure they get a clear picture of how she behaves.

now it's probably a long wait to the ASD pathwayin your area. You could google it to find out more (e.g., autism pathway your local area).

I'd do a lot of research into the dyad/triad of impairments. It's good to know because they will probably talk about it.

It's true we can't diagnose over the internet, but it's great to get others thoughts on your dd's presentation, and without lurking in the SN boards I would never have had the courage to stand up for dd in the face of people telling me my parenting was poor.

Read, read, read! Look at things like occupational therapy, which could help dd. OT is not big in my area, as sensory issues are part of ASD so SPD doesn't exist as a stand alone diagnosis. It's just good to be as informed as you can be when dealing with professionals. Congrats on getting to this stage - you'll probably now be 'triaged' to the next step....

What happens now, is probably not a lot :)

You'll probably get an appointment within 6 weeks. But the paed will probably want to see you twice, 6 months apart. So she'll probably send you away with a come back in 6 months.

And she might want your DD to be seen by an OT and an EP as well.

Anyway, it'll probably take a year to get a diagnosis. And nothing much will happen. But you're 'in the system'.

good news! It really does help to have a diagnosis and to know how best you and others can support your DD !

I'm so glad your appointment was a positive experience for you and you were listened to! I've experienced both sides of GPs - really helpful and supportive V downright rude and obstructive - and it can make the world of difference to have your concerns and feelings acknowledged and accepted.

Now is a waiting game, I'm afraid. Keep notes of behaviours you think are 'odd' and be prepared to defend your concerns as necessary.

I'm asking whether I should be concerned enough to warrant a GP appointment .

Considering how difficult and time consuming it can be to get an NHS diagnosis (doesn't the NAS say average 4 years?) I think it's great you've got an appointment with the Paed to start the ball rolling. If you want a private recommendation in London let me know. She DX my DC in 3hrs!

You're doing great OP. People can struggle for years to reach this point.

I believe there is a good book on ASD in girls which is often recommended on the Special needs forum - perhaps some helpful person will link to it.

With my son, the crucial thing was learning to understand him so that he felt understood by me and his brother, then by his dad and teachers too. The more he felt understood, the more he could develop (and has done). he is a very happy 11 year old now

OP, Have a look on your Local Authorities local offer website, there should be a lot of information about local services, diagnostic pathways, support groups, schools etc.

In many areas you can self refer to children's Occupational Therapy services, just Google your local NHS + Children's Occupational Therapy services. Sensory processing difficulties (clothes, shoes, noise, food, crowded busy places, touch, taste) can have a big impact on children's ability to cope with normal day to day life. There is a book called Too loud too bright too fast too tight, written by Sharon Heller, i have been told that it's a great book about tactile defensiveness (I have not read it yet)
Sounds like your GP has some knowledge of Autism spectrum conditions.

Schools often only know a little about a lot of medical conditions and are therefore not always the best at spotting the more subtle signs of ASC particularly in girls, and they can have a stereotypical view of what ASC looks like.

Ignore school and trust your instincts. If something feels off it usually is.
It is not in the school's interest for your child to be investigated for ASD if she behaves well in school. They'll be concerned that it might cost money to support her.
Google Tania A Marshall "Aspergers in Bright Young Girls". Does it ring a bell? I read it when my daughter was 6 and I agreed with 75% of the statements. It was a revelation. We are hoping for a diagnosis next week. School STILL says "she's fine. She doesn't behave like that here" even when I've seen her behave in unusual ways right under the head's nose!
Get yourself to the GP ASAP. You will have a long wait. Join some support groups. Good luck!

Online Facebook support groups have really helped me. Google autism support groups in your area.

The sensitivities to noise, clothing etc sound like sensory processing disorder. My daughter has this as part of her autism.

It's taken us 18 months from initial GP appt to diagnosis appt.

I have no idea what happens now Start treating her as if she has a diagnosis. Look at Tony Attwood and Autism Discussion Page

Recommend what a couple of other people have said, keep a diary. Make notes on every little thing, as and when they happen. And keep those diaries going. If you get as far as special educational needs tribunal, as we did, then they will be invaluable.
You are not a crap Mum, but you do sound at the end of your tether and Make sure you get some time for yourself during the school day.