Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6

Original poster

To pick my own ring.

148 replies

talksensetome · 01/06/2017 13:13

I have just been on holiday and whilst there a ring caught my eye. Nothing expensive, just a piece of dress jewellery, probably not even silver with a shiny bit of glass in it. Either way I liked it, it fit and I bought it for myself.

Got back last night, BF says where's that ring from, I said I treated myself to it. well today whilst I am at work he has gone out and bought me a new ring to wear instead. "So my finger doesn't go black". I am at work so haven't seen it yet but I said, Thanks, as you do. Is it the same as this one? He says No, it's nicer.

I don't usually wear any jewellery, the odd day I might wear earrings but no rings, rarely a necklace. This ring will probably get left in the drawer after a couple of weeks.

AIBU and ungrateful to think it is weird to immediately go out and replace something I obviously like, because I chose it myself, with something he has decided is better?

OP posts:

aggressivearse · 02/06/2017 14:00

ha ha ha ha ha ha

Littlefrogletx · 02/06/2017 14:07

Paint the inside of the ring you chose with clear nail polish, it stops the discolouration
And yeah he sounds a pain in the arse

Spybot · 02/06/2017 14:20

Another perspective here. As I see it he wanted to get you something nice, he saw you'd bought yourself a ring and felt bad that he hasn't bought you a ring. As you are still married he doesn't want to buy an engagement one but this is pretty close. The ring he bought looks expensive, it is a nice gift. You can wear both, or mix them up. If you dont like the ring then you could ask to exchange it. Maybe he has his own idea of what is nice but doesn't make him a controller.
I was with a controller and he was much more vocal as to what he thought I should wear, he'd pull faces and look all uncomfortable if I did not look as he wanted. (I broke up with him and he went on to be a photographer who tells young girls how to look and stand all day long.)

If he is trying to tell you how to dress, making you feel bad about your choices, that is one thing. However if the extent of it is that he's bought you a nice ring as he wanted you to have something more a bit more precious and hasn't bought you gifts exactly to your spec, it doesn't qualify him as a controller

MrsTerryPratchett · 02/06/2017 14:50

Keep the dog and the ring. Lose the weird present-controlling bloke.

The ring will become a symbol of your excellent radar and ability to learn. Maybe it will turn your finger black in the presence of arseholes in future.

Original poster

talksensetome · 02/06/2017 15:12

Spybot he does TRY to tell me what to wear. He has offered to pick me somethibg else on more than one occasion, actually got out a selection of clothes on another occasion. He often comments that I am going to be cold if he doesn't like my top or pointedly asks if I am wearing a scarf with whichever outfit. I don't wear revealing clothes but I do have 30F breasts, they are not exactly inconspicuous whatever I wear!

I have always declined to change and firmly told him that at 31 years of age I am perfectly capable of dressing myself. He will often spend the rest of the day sulking.

OP posts:

picklemepopcorn · 02/06/2017 15:36

My breasts aren't huge, but I've long passed the stage of feeling I need to hide/cover/apologise for them. Get over it peeps, I didn't pick them, they grew there all on there own!

ohfourfoxache · 02/06/2017 16:35

Bloody hell, the more you post the worse he sounds

Why the fuck are you with him?

Original poster

talksensetome · 02/06/2017 16:48

Erm, I needed him to look after the dog while I was away? to be honest he is attractive, I fancy him, wanted a bit of fun but he is very clingy, insecure, possesive. All very unattractive traits, oh and the sulking! No one looks sexy when they are sulking. Think we will be having The Talk this weekend.

OP posts:

Spybot · 02/06/2017 16:53

I see, Well it is controlling behaviour then. I would return the ring and seriously think about ending it. Sorry OP

ohfourfoxache · 02/06/2017 17:11

That has just made me LOL

He can't be that good at it if the dog evidently hates him

ImperialBlether · 02/06/2017 18:46

Just a hint to anyone in your situation with a guy who's capable of looking online for your posts - don't mention the real issue in the header. It would be pretty clear that this is your thread. A guy like that is unlikely to look at all threads, so a heading such as "I don't know what to do" or something would be less identifiable.

Original poster

talksensetome · 02/06/2017 18:50

Good hint Imperial! I always find generic titles irritating because I want to know the content before I read it but now you have said that it has definitely changed my opinion.

OP posts:

ImperialBlether · 02/06/2017 18:56

I've seen some threads about knitting over in OTBT, I think - can't think of many men who'd be looking at them!

Original poster

talksensetome · 02/06/2017 19:05

It's actually a very clever idea, as you say not many people would open that expecting it to be support for leaving or somthing.

OP posts:

Lu1a · 02/06/2017 19:06

talksense - I think if you were in love with this man and trusted him, you would probably love the ring too, just because he had chosen it. Your reaction to the ring shows that you're deeply uncomfortable about him and would probably have the same reaction to anything he was to buy for you.
Only you know how you feel. My DH will sometimes ask me to wear a particular dress or something if we're going out, but he doesn't make me feel uncomfortable. He can buy me clothes or jewellery or even lingerie and it doesn't feel controlling because I trust him and it's a personal thing between us. I don't very feel like he's trying to change me.
Go with your gut feeling and I'm sorry its come to this.

Original poster

talksensetome · 02/06/2017 19:15

Lu1a if you had luterally just bought a dress and your DH immediately bought you a replacement that was, in his opinion, better, would you view it differently?

It's not the fact that he bought me a ring, it is the fact he bought it to replace the one I had bought. If he bought me the ring spontaneously although it is still not to my taste I would have just been thrilled that he had been kind and generous that he had bought me a nice gift and felt no need to start a thread about it.

OP posts:

Lu1a · 02/06/2017 19:23

Yes I do see that that would be annoying and controlling. As a one off with the ring, maybe he just wanted you to have a real diamond one, but if he does this with clothes as well, I would find it claustrophobic.

Dowser · 02/06/2017 19:35

His ring would not be my choice not even as an engagement ring.

Time for the talk I think.

ScissorBow · 02/06/2017 19:37

Your ring is nicer than his one because presumably there were ones like his that you chose not to buy in favour of the one you did. Good luck with having the talk about how sulking is unsexy. So true.

MikeUniformMike · 02/06/2017 20:07

If you like him then don't dump him but keep your eyes wide open to the controlling behaviour. Put his ring in its box and put it away "for best - too nice to wear all the time".

He needs to address his insecurity.

Crunchymum · 02/06/2017 20:32

Good luck with 'the talk' OP.

Don't delay it either. He sounds like a very insecure, spiteful man (and that is actually putting a positive spin on what I think of him!)

CoffeeWithMyOxygen · 03/06/2017 21:21

How's it going, OP? Did you have the talk today?

IHeartDodo · 05/06/2017 15:40

Any update? Did you dump him?

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6