To pick my own ring.

[talksensetome]

I have just been on holiday and whilst there a ring caught my eye. Nothing expensive, just a piece of dress jewellery, probably not even silver with a shiny bit of glass in it. Either way I liked it, it fit and I bought it for myself.

Got back last night, BF says where's that ring from, I said I treated myself to it. well today whilst I am at work he has gone out and bought me a new ring to wear instead. "So my finger doesn't go black". I am at work so haven't seen it yet but I said, Thanks, as you do. Is it the same as this one? He says No, it's nicer.

I don't usually wear any jewellery, the odd day I might wear earrings but no rings, rarely a necklace. This ring will probably get left in the drawer after a couple of weeks.

AIBU and ungrateful to think it is weird to immediately go out and replace something I obviously like, because I chose it myself, with something he has decided is better?

I prefer the green one. Love emeralds. The other is a bit blingy for me and looks too much like an engagement ring if it isn't. Does he ever ask why you don't wear the things he buys you? He does sound strangely controlling where appearances are concerned.

Both are nice but the styles aren't remotely close. If he was worried about your go her turning black then he could easily have got something like your choice.

I'm sure diamonds with a nice emerald would have been appreciated

Both nice rings, OP!

He sounds as if he has v different taste to you and wants you to change. Can you live with that?

I prefer your choice op, but on the plus side, at least this time he's listened to the fact you like silver or white gold?

Imperial Oh I definitely agree. I can see the end of this relationship is imminent.

I love that people have noticed his choice of colour, I did pick up on that too! They are totally different rings and his choice is not me at all. I am wearing it though so as not to be ungrateful. He is not impressed that I am wearing both...

WTF, it's not even similar!! The one you chose is lovely.

I had an ex like this; used to ask me what perfume I wear, what jewellery I like etc., and then buy me something that he must have thought was similar but sliiiigtly different. Except when you wear a particular perfume "slightly different" may as well be COMPLETELY different, because anything other than the one you wear will be just another perfume/ring/dress YOU DON'T WEAR!!

...he is, as I mentioned, an ex. Not specifically for that reason, but that was weird and it probably added to the whole "I'm not sure you're quite getting me" vibe I got about the whole relationship.

They're both pretty rings but very different in style. From what you've said about perfumes and ear-rings and now this it seems like he is clearly trying to change your style. He probably has an idea of what is naice for women and so is attempting to mould you into that.

It doesn't matter what ring we prefer. What is important is that you chose something and he is now stamping all over your choice.
Reading your latest posts, you can clearly see this is a pattern of behaviour where he is trying to exercise power over you and dressing it up as something nice, so you don't feel able to object. But you can and should!
Did you tell him that you don't like the earrings he bought or that the perfume isn't 'you'?

I may not have understood correctly but it sounds like you went away without him so does he actually believe that you bought the green (very pretty) ring yourself? Or might he think someone else bought it for you?

He does sound controlling though so maybe you should run for the hills before he makes any more changes for you!

FWIW I think my ex, rather than trying to "change" me particularly, was trying to make a new version of me that was part of an "us", so different from the previous "me" that was before him; a new identity for each of us in our relationship, if you see what I mean.

But I liked "me", I didn't want to be a different "me" just to be an "us"! I think it was insecurity in retrospect.

It's not up to him what you wear. He's annoyed that you're wearing both? That's extremely controlling.

And in light of everything else, are you sure that you really want to be with this bloke?

See, him being unimpressed that you are wearing both, smacks of him wanting to control you, rather than a desire to just buy you something lovely.
If he had genuinely wanted to buy something that you love, he would have bought you a copy of the ring you bought yourself but made out of better quality metal/stones. But he didn't - he bought you what he thinks you should wear and is pissy that you are still exercising your own independance and taste.

I think this relationship is bad and it might be time to get out.

TwoRingsAndAMicrowave That's right, I went without him, I took my children away though so I didn't any time for romance. There was one evening when I was sat with some couples we met there and because I wasn't answering his calls (I text and said I would ring later) he accused me of being with another man. Maybe he does think the ring came from elsewhere?

Either way I can't see a future for us.

Is he like this with other things you wear or just this ring? It's weird at the very least.

You obviously really like the ring you chose yourself so if I was in your position I'd say thanks a lot for the new ring but carry on wearing the one I chose. If your BF has a problem with that then it's his problem not yours, he's the one that made an issue out of nothing.

Keep an eye on this sort of behaviour though.

Sorry, I didn't read the other posts properly...

I love the green ring and he is still iffy as fuck!

Move him along. It's a shame there is not some sort of returns code for broken relationships, something like

1:just not for me
2:we are bad together
3:stingy
4:bad kisser (sub sections i-v, lazy in bed, bad in bed, snores a LOT, just plain weird, hogs all the covers)
5:obsessed with his mother (sub sections i-iv, kylie, his first GF, fucking football/cycling, going to the pub)
6:controlling gaslighter [2012 recall from the Government, if you have your receipt you may be entitled to a refund]

To be honest I don't know why you're wearing both either, as I wouldn't have accepted his in the first place. He's a controlling dick, give him the ring back and dump him!

:obsessed is obviously : obsessed (missed a space!!)

Yeah he's very controlling. Ltb

OP, please see this as a red flag, if he is threatened by your independence even down to a piece of (v pretty) junk jewellary then how long before he really starts trying to curtail it?

Oh jesus, I could NOT put up with that.

How do men get like this, and more - how do they think it's ok to remain like this??

She is wearing both because he has dressed this up as a present, as something nice and it is hard to call someone out on that because women especially are made to feel like they have to display gratitude or as if they are mad for not wanting a diamond ring.
The truth is, he hasn't bought it to be nice, but to control her. But because it isn't obviously abusive to buy someone jewellery it is hard to challenge. Even when he is imposing his taste and his will over hers.

I like both, but he sounds like an arse!

I would be very worried about how he will be once he has you more where he wants you, so if you married him or had a baby or were off work and financially reliant on him.
At the moment he has to toe the line to some extent because you are independant and don't actually need him.